Hello everyone,

Havent been here in awhile, but I just thought I would post an update since my divorce. As most of you may know, Im remarried and will be celebrating my 2nd anniversary in July. Anyhow, my marriage is wonderful....and I am happier than I have been since I can remember. Well, here it goes:

I went to drop my two kids off with their mother Sunday afternoon for mothersday....it was my weekend to have them. My wife decided not to ride with me because it was pouring rain outside and she decided to just wait till I return. Upon dropping my kids off at the end of my EXs driveway, she flags me down to stop. She approached my car window crying, apologizing for all the damage she caused in our marriage, and that she is always depressed and cries because she misses our family being together. She said she wished she could turn back the hands of time and start all over to keep us all together. She said she realized she cant do that, that I had moved on with my life. I then told her that I forgave her and was no longer bitter with her......I then wished her a happy mothersday and drove off.

To tell you the truth, I did feel bad for her and hated to see her down and crying....but, she did want to be with the OM. She divorced me and hoped he would leave his wife so they could be together.....that never happened. She is still seeing him, but he will NOT leave his wife. Crazy thing is......This guy has NO kids with his wife now....she has 2-3, but decided not to leave her. My EX broke her family up for him....me and two children together. Anyhow, my point is......I wonder if she really missed us being apart and the fog is lifted, or was my EX down and depressed because it was mothers day and the OM spent it with his wife. Oh well, guess I will never know......just thought I would give yall an update.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

StartinOver, Glad to hear how well you're doing! My WH left 4 1/2 years ago to live with MOW. Since then he's lost everything that is usually important to a person - his family (he has no contact with any of them), his business (I have a restraining order to keep him away), his dream home (sold by court order so he could buy a house for himself and MOW), his professional license along with his driver's license (due to drug/alcohol abuse), and the latest I've heard is the MOW is cheating on him, even got pregnant in the process.

About a year ago he cried to me in front of my lawyer that he still loved me. I had a similar response to you. He's miserable and feeling sorry for himself, but he's still living with MOW, still drinking and using drugs, still not working while I support them. I felt sorry for him anyway.

Wow you know sometimes I wish that I would get that - I ruined everything and for what....??? I am strong enough to hear it now and think what a loser you threw everything away.. While I don't hate him I don't like him either you know??? But I just wish to hear those words... maybe there is hope for them to someday see the error of their ways - if only for one clear moment in time.... I am glad you are both happy --- I am just getting out in the world but I have found an inner peace....

I read a book that cited the statistic that about 85% of men who leave their wives for other women regret it and wish they could turn back time within about 5 years or so of their actions. The book was specifically about WH's, so there was no coordinating statistic cited for WW's...

T

So BW's should wait 5 years for WH's to return? Interesting.

I wish I could remember the title or author of a book I read a while back, in which the author attempted to make the point that divorce was rarely the best choice. Interestingly, she had set out to write a book which would help people decide whether they should get a divorce, but after interviewing a lot of people who had gotten divorces she discovered that in the vast majority of cases the spouse who had decided to leave had ended up feeling that he or she was worse off and had come to regret the decision to divorce. Generally by the time this realization occurred, the spouse who was abandoned had moved on with another relationship, and it was too late to reconcile even if the abandoned spouse might have been open to that possibility.

Personally, I kind of hope that my ex-wife never realizes what she threw away, or what destruction she caused. If there is a way for her to heal and grow without requiring her to bear that burden of loss and guilt, I hope she finds it. Better that she believes her lies that she escaped a monster and feels good about her courage.

Unfortunately, I am doubtful that significant healing and growth can be built on anything other than a foundation of truth.