You really must have gotten dirty diggin up those OLD posts about my sitch. They've been buried for a LONG time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I have to say that I'm healed. I didn't exactly follow the rules according to MB....I think everyone knows that by now. I don't agree with all of the concepts.
I do remember....I remember it ALL. Some of it word for word.
It was REALLY hard for me to take my H back. I was already moving on by the time he got his head out of his a$$. Had even filed for divorce. I did ALOT of growing up while my H was playing with his little friends on the playground.
My H had to prove to me that he was no longer that person. He did alot of a$$ kissing....and even actually grew up in the process. I told him what I wanted....and told him that my train was leaving the station.....he either had to be on it...or get left behind.....and no running along side the train...I wasn't holding out a hand to help him on.
Granted....I NEVER told him what to do. I just told him what I needed. It was up to HIM to "just do it".
I have to say that EVERYONE was against me even thinking about reconsiliation with him. BUT....EVERYONE doesn't rule my life. Not anymore. I finally had to start making decisions for myself and implementing them.
I took a HUGE chance in taking him back.....BUT....he also knew that the HUGE chance that I was taking was his LAST chance. I wasn't the girl he left....I was the woman that had finally found herself.
I think in my mind.....ANY relationship with ANY man was a HUGE risk for me....since my H had been my one and only love. So...in the end....even though I would have been compltely happy alone....and in my mind....taking a chance with him wasn't really any different than taking a chance with any other man.
We had to get to know each other again. We had both grown to be completely different people...and to be frank...I had to make sure I even liked him well enough to be friends with him.
The thing that really held me back from taking him back was his treatment of me and the words that spewed from his mouth while the A was on going....of the many times that it was. It was really hard for me to believe that he didn't truly mean them. I needed to make sure that he wasn't THAT person. If he had been.....his a$$ would have been gone.
I have never once seen that person again. My H is a completely different person. Granted he isn't Mr. Perfect.....but I like him...so I guess I'll keep him.
I'm not sure I would consider him....even at the time to be a man of questionable character. I think that because we were each others first....and because we had married at a young age...we grew apart. My H was starved for attention...I knew this. Yet I did nothing about it. Now...this is no excuse for what he did...but...someone showed him attention...and he latched onto it and didn't want to let it go.
Our marriage was NOT in a good place when his A happened. It wasn't even anywhere near good. I have to say...that the majority of the fault was mine. I knew there was a problem...he told me over and over how he felt....but I did nothing.
Now onto today....things are normal. I'm not going to say they are perfect...we have our good and bad days....BUT....we deal with them differently now.
As everyone here knows....I have a habit of not knowing when to shut my mouth...and I stand up for what I believe in. If I have a problem....I express is...I don't brood over it and stew and make it worse like I use to....and I don't assume that my H knows what my problem is. I get it out...and we work through it.....because all that brooding and stewing just wastes time. I'm not going to get back the last 5 minutes that I spent brooding when I could have been doing something else.
As for our daughters....well....they are brilliant....but I'm biased. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Our 2 youngest have an absolutely great relationship with their dad. Our oldest is still working on resentment. She didn't want us to get back together. All in all though....she has a good relationship with her dad....it's getting lots better.....but he's not allowed to give her lectures on lying. He tried once.....but she asked him where he thought she learned how. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />
I think the biggest thing for me is....living for today and letting the past.....be the past. I can talk about it and not get angry now....and I have no triggers so to speak.
As for following MB.....well....I just took what worked for me and used it.
