HI All,

Not many of you know this, probably just a couple.
But, I wanted to share this news with anyone that reads this post.

When my (now) x's affair all came to light, and he told myself, and our girls, our daughter one month later almost lost her life to a brain tumor.
While we were blessed in so many ways, she still had to come a long way, and her life is quite different now than what it was then.

Today, my child now finishing her 8th grade year, came home with an Academic Award for being an exemplary student.
I could just bust!!!They are having a special ceremony, and I know I will need kleenex for this one!
I'm so very proud of her, and she has come so far, and put so much effort into her life and school work.

I had to share something positive. There have been many negatives in our past 3 1/2 years, and this is a blessing and an accomplishment for her.

I'm counting my blessings tonight, thank you for sharing in my proud mom moment!

Karona

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Congratulations to your DD, that's a wonderful achievement!

That is awesome!!

Wonderful! That's fabulous news. Tell her I said I'm so happy to hear that she has accomplished this.

Thanks for sharing my news!

It is a proud moment!!

Karona

Hi Karona-

I am hoping this goes through as I have been pretty much locked out since they switched formats. I can't tell you how wonderful this makes me feel.

I hope all is going well for you. Things are going great here. I will write more when I know this goes through.

Thanks for sharing the great news!
Take care and God bless!

K

Hi Still!!!!
I squealed when I saw you posted.

I have missed you so much!! I can't tell you. You have become such a friend to me, and I have missed you. I have thought you many, many times.

Please fill me in on your life.

Yes, I'm so proud of my daughter. The banquet was this past Weds eve. I was so proud of her, and her of herself. It was so nice, and I only had a little tear. I get very emotional over my girs, and especially her.
She tugs at every heartstring!

I got a new couch and loveseat. Like you, it was necessary, not a nice to have.
I have to say, I have not been real thrilled with the whole process as I regret having to spend the money. But, it's nice and pretty, and most of all, in one piece! No rips!!

My x has not gotten re-married yet. The date was to have been 5-7. Hmmm, I wonder what the deal is?? But, I'm not losing any sleep over it.

I have not been seeing the guy much. It has been very minimal since that last time we spoke. I think that it's all me, and I have issues to deal with. I have felt for so long that I need to date others, but now that I'm free, I'm not really thinking much about that anymore. The whole thought of it makes me nervous.

I have not been doing too much socially, which isn't too much funs sometimes. My job is going well, and I'm finding that I'm thankful for it.

I have been checking in on the new board they have created, "after divorce".
I have not chimed in too much. I'm always afraid of getting slammed on the BF thing, so I read mostly.

I imagine your wrapping the school year up. My girls are done 6-2. The summer is packed with stuff already. School will be starting before summer vacation does.
My oldest is playing softball, and tried out for a play, and made it. She has never been involved in anything, and now she is trying to spread her wings. This is a positive in her life.
My youngest still doesn't partcipate. She enjoys playing.

I loved hearing from you.
Please write again soon.

Your buddy,
Karona

Hi Karona-

You have been in my thoughts often and I am so glad I was finally able to break back in here.

It sounds like you have been keeping yourself plenty busy! I am glad you are liking work. It is a good outlet.

Congratulations on the new furniture. I still love mine and I am finally not embarrased to have people over.

So, do you think if you wanted more at this time your man would want more? I know you say it is you, but what do you think is holding you back. Don't get me wrong, I am not pushing you to do anything, but I don't want you to be held back by fears either. Not all men are like your XH.

Speaking of your XH, no wedding yet. I wonder what's up. How has he been otherwise? Mine is being really good as of late. Coincidentally, he has now opened his own business and is doing it as a side job as he is unable to quit his real job. His wife is turning into the evil stepmother more and more each day, but what can I do. Of course to me she is sweet as pie, but behind closed doors... She is due in Aug. I wonder if the baby will make things better or worse!

As for my love situation, things are going very well. I am still seeing the younger man. Things are just so different with him and I am enjoying every minute. It is so nice to finally be a priority. He is a real sweetheart!

Well, I have to run, but will check back regularily.

I have really missed you and can't wait to get back on track!

Have a great weekend!

Take care and God bless!

K

Hello ladies. I'm glad to hear of good things in your lives.
Take Care.

Hey Karona,

First, congrats on your D's accomplishment. It makes me think how much we assume about the lives of others whom we don't know. How easy to not realize how really significant this is for you.

Second, please chime in on the other list. Why do you think you will be blasted? I really haven't seen people being blasted there. Or maybe I'm just dense! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Newly,

Hope things are going well for you. It's so great to have Still back on. I have missed her, as I'm sure you have too!

Deja Vu,

Thank you!
As far as the other board. No, I have not seen anyone blasted, only here, that's why I'm gunshy.
I have started to reply to a couple of posts, but have backed it out.
I just always feel like I will get judged, so therefore, I read more than write.

Again, I appreciate your response.

Karona

It's me again.

Well, while my oldest had the great news, my poor youngest is getting the short end.

Seems her dad is getting married, and he is doing it this Friday, which is her 11th Birthday!
I can't believe that he couldn't have picked any other day of the year, excluding of course our oldest daughters B-day also.

He had told my youngest that he would give her a birthday party this year. She had it all planned out. The latest is, that it is not convenient, that his wife to be has a family event this weekend, and they will be doing that.
He told her he will give her a party sometime this year when it's more convenient.

What a crock!!!

I'm so proud of myself though. I have not said a thing about all of this, and he is for sure frying himself with this little girl.
She is seeing him for the fool that he is, and I didn't put it in her mind.
It's just sad that he would pull yet another heart ache on her.

Just a vent, thanks for reading.

Karona

Well I guess that answers my questions as to how things are going with him and if he is getting any better. I really feel for your daughter. In my opinion he should never get married on either of their birthdays. Those are their special days and he should honor that. Especially in light of the facts, I mean this is the woman he left their mother for, to marry her on one of their birthdays is totally insensitive.

To top it off I am bothered by the promises he made to her and the fact that he is breaking them. She is a little girl and he is obviously clueless to her needs.

I am proud of you for keeping your feelings to yourself. Your daughters will be going through enough with this, although it will be hard, you need to remain calm and non-judegemental right now. You are not responsible for his actions, yet you don't need to put an emphasis on them either. He is the real loser here. Over time he may eventually come to realize it. However, for now the only thing you can do is continue to be the wonderful mother you have been. Your daughters are lucky to have you.

Take care and God bless!
K

Thank you Still.

Yes, insensitive is his middle name, if not becoming his first.

If I would have answered you post sooner concerning him, I would have said that he actually was doing some positive things.
We have been D now 1 1/2 years. My money remains the same, however, recently, he has been chipping in on a few things where the girls are concerned. He even went so far as to bump up my weekly dep. to cover the extras.
But, then there is the flip side, always that.
My oldest, while she does great in school, could use some help with study habits as she spends hours on homework.
She wants to get some tutoring, and he doesn't see the need for that. He reponse is, everyone could use some help.
I was going to meet him 1/2 way, but it looks like if she goes, I will foot the whole bill.
The other was, the counselor feels she needs more counseling due to her illness. He feels that she can talk to him, I, or friends.
It all comes down to his wallet.
So, while he has done a couple honorable things, for the most part, he is still a creep.

AS far as the question you asked me earlier, about the guy, I'm not sure anymore. We are at a point where the distance is more than the times I see him. I'm getting where I feel I don't know his thoughts.
I have asked him out 2 different times, and he has had plans. I haven't decided if it's innocent, or if he is being chilly. He isn't that kind of person, but a person can only take so much too.
I still feel I need to grow within myself, and I will concentrate on that.

I can't wait to hear about your life though, and this romance you have going on.
I think about you so often.

Write when you can.
Karona

Still,

I thought I had posted this, but in reviewing, I don't see it up there.

If you want to write me off the board, my email is:
NewKarona@aol.com

Thanks,
K

Hi Karona-

I hope your weekend picked up and your daughter is feeling better.

I hate to do this to you in light of everything you are going through right now, but I feel as though the bottom of my world has dropped out and I think you can.

Okay, honesty here. The man I was seeing was not newly divorced, but newly separated. I know I will be getting a lecture here because it was a huge mistake. I know better, have learned so much here, shared in your experiences etc., but it just felt right and so good. Anyhow, he is now newly divorced, and things were going seemingly wonderfully when poof, we have a disagreement and he panics and now everything is gone.

I know I ignored, my gut instinct and everything I have learned about needing downtime, etc. Granted I talked of it to him a lot, but he was always so reassuring, etc. He was so attentive and into me, that I just let myself ignore common sense.

Anyhow, he has in an instant decided that things are moving to quickly. He says he is love with me, but can't help but wonder what life holds for him, etc. He says he is afraid that since we argued that we won't be perfect and he can't have that. I told him that if he needs his space, that he needs his space. He disagreed saying he wants to continue hanging out, talking etc. I have told him repeatedly that I can't handle the in between and that if he wants and needs his space that is fine, but it has to be complete. He said he would respect that, but called again last night. I am trying to be patient and control my emotions, but it is taking its toll. Last night he really broke down and got a lot out, then he told me he was in love with me and needed to go. I said I wouldn't push and let him go. I sent him a text saying that this is quite normal and that he is a good guy and will get through this. He responded with a text that said I am the best and deserve so much better than him. When I asked him to elaborate, he told me I didn't really know him and if I did I wouldn't think he was so great. I asked for clarification, but he wouldn't give any, he simply said he is not good enough for me and prays that I will find someone who truly deserves me.

As imagined my heart is being torn to shreads. I am just hoping that based on your own experience you can give me some much needed insight.

Thanks!

Take care and God bless!
K

{{{{{{Still Reeling }}}}}}

Newly- Where are the wise words of advice I always expect from you? Also, where is the 2 x 4 I obviously need taken to my head?

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still~~~
Thank you for thinking of little K. She survived, was quiet most the day, but is doing well and her birthday seemed to be happy after all.

Now, on to you.....
First let me say, I will not now or ever judge you.
I have never met you, but from I know of you from here, I highly respect you.

I know exactly what you are going through, on the reverse side of course.

I won't try to say what is going through his head, but I can only try to share from my own experience. ( and you know that I have not done too well trying to figure this out).

For me, it felt so wonderful to have someone care for me and treat me so well. I had been through the near death of my daughter, and my x's revealing of two affairs, one which was current at the time.
So, it was very wonderful for this guy to find me attractive, to love me, and I back, and to have all my EN's met one hundred fold.
However, after some time into it, probably 4 months, I started to think, I need to spend some time ALONE. Even though I pretty much was on my own because my x wasn't with me in the marriage sense. I needed to feel that total aloneness, and it just be the girls and me.
This guy loves me, and I back, but there was a void that I couldn't and still can't explain.
Part of me thinks it's that I got married at 22. In a way, I feel cheated out of my prime years.
I feel like, it's a second chance for me to experience life, and it's too soon to get serious again.
However, as time marches on, I'm finding that I'm not that young person anymore, and it is not as easy as it used to be to find what "I think" it is that I'm searching for.

This guy, that I have talked to you so much about met every need I ever had. But......
It was timing.
I cannot really say it's him, I have to come back to me.

I love him, he loves me, but I'm not at a place to be ready for committment.
I feel like if I had the opportunity to go out, I want to take it.
I'm not a wild woman by any means, but it's a second life type thing.

I worry about myself. Being able to fully give to him, (or whomever that I could get serious with). I doubt myself.

My stomach fell for you when I read your post.
I feel like I kind of know what he is going through.

I tell ya, the first time I broke it off with this guy, it was 8 weeks, no contact. I got to the point where I was so sad, and when I saw him one day, I just busted out crying. I missed him so bad.

If this guy is saying he needs time. The best thing you can do is give it to him.
I don't know if move on is the correct term to use, but go about your own life.
You can't make it happen for him. It will take time.
It will bother him that you are going about your life, because it has me when this guy has gone on to do his thing.

The most important thing I think for you to do at this time, is give him understanding, and give him the space that he is most likely needing.

I wish I knew more to say to you right now.
Be strong, and know that it is probably more of an issue within himself and not you.

Fondly,
Karona