Sorry I left so abrutely earlier, I wasn't finished.

I wanted to say, Still, I so understand where you are coming from with the age. I really feel out of the loop at 42. I feel like I'm an antique!
I feel like you are much more in the range at your age than me. I wish I could be 37 again! You are such a warm person, and stable. You have so much to offer. But boy do I know how we can get down on ourselves.

Last week I was to the point of giving up, then the last couple days as I said, I have been at a low point. I have been ready to call my guy and say I want to try again.
I did in fact cave last night, and texted my guy.
He wasn't cold, but he was distant, and that hurt.
He either really is talking to someone, or he is tired of my indecision.
It hurt, alot.
I was pretty down today about it.

Weird thing happened this afternoon though. And it's really so weird. I did pray last night for help with this. To show me something so I know what to do.
I got home from work and my d said I missed a call, and to call this friend. So I did, at the end of the conversation, she said, K, I need to ask you a question. I said, sure.
She started telling me about a guy. I didn't get a lot of info. He is 38, taller than me, and divorced not wanting to meet someone in a bar. Sounded fair enough to me. She asked if she could give my #, I said, I would rather give my email add. So, we will see.
Within the hour, another friend calls, says there is this other person they want me to meet at the gym I go to.
It got to be too much at dinner, when yet my closest friend here tells me of this other guy.
I don't know that anything will materialize. For all I know, they have an age cut off, and I will be over the limit.
But, it's a lift to know that I haven't been forgotten.

Take care,
K

Hi Karona-

Ask for God to give you a sign and he gives you three! Boy oh boy. You seem to be a wanted lady all of a sudden - how wonderful! Care to share? It will be interesting to see how this all plays out. In the mean time, take things slowly and have some fun!

As for texting the man and feeling down by his response, I hear you there. I would feel bummed too. I honestly don't know why he responded the way he did, as I don't know him. It could be many things. I guess you will just have to wait and see. It is one of the many drawbacks of this "I need the space to find myself" thing we both find ourselves caught up in, no matter which side of it we are on!

I still haven't heard from my man. It actually hasn't been that bad. I still miss him and am saddened, angry by what has happened, but the no contact is allowing me to do my own thing and not be led on or sucked into the roller coaster. What I wouldn't do for a crystal ball right now though!

I had a long conversation today with a friend who has been out of town on vacation for a while. She called hoping I would tell her that I had things worked out with the man. Of course I told her where we were. She said she wishes she could shake him. She said in watching him with me and listening to what he has been telling me, it is obvious that he loves me and all. She hates that I am hurting while he goes out to prove what we have is really what he wants when to outsiders it is so obvious. I don't know if she's right, but I do wonder if he has any regrets and I wonder how much he is thinking about me/us as I seem to be totally consumed! I would feel much better if I knew he was really feeling like you, needing the space to work through his issues, and not just thinking of anything and anyone to get himself away from me and onto someone better!

I am going out tonight with a friend. It is the 1st anniversary of her divorce and her XH and kids are on their way to Disney World with his girlfriend for a family vacation. What timing! I am hoping to take her mind off of it and boost my spirits as well!

My exercising is going well. I am feeling pain in muscles I forgot I even had! I am hoping that getting in shape will shape up my outlook as well!

Keep me posted on all of your situations.

I wish you luck!

Take care and God bless!
K

Thanks for writing Still.

You wouldn't believe how emotional I am right now about my guy. I'm really struggling.
While this news has come to me about these men (whom I know nothing about, and maybe won't even care for) I'm finding that I really don't care.

I'm going to try hard to follow through with something should it come my way, as this is what I have felt I needed.
But, I'm not overly excited about it.
In fact, I have had some stomach issues going on for the last 24 hours. I think it's all nerves.
He did seem distant with me, and God knows I have given him every right, but none the less, I don't like it. I feel like he is gone forever. Part of my mind in this whole confusion felt like I would get to the bottom of it, and know he was the one. Now I'm feeling like I blew it. Help me here Still. Give me some advice. You are so right, it is hard which ever side were on. I hope your guy feels like me. I have not enjoyed my position ever. It wasn't that I was playing the good time girl. I haven't so much as talked to any other guys. It was something inside that I felt, and I want to be with my next partner forever!!

To top it off, there is a young girl in our town who just had brain surgery Tues. I know her grandmother fairly well. I'm reliving some things, and that may have me on edge a tad.

Anyway, I'm a mess for now, it's safe to say.
I wish your friend well. It seems so cruel that our ex's seem to have their lives all perfect and we are the ones left to struggle. I always keep in my mind though, that we will have the stronger marriages in the end. It's not much to make us feel better now, but SOMEDAY.

Good for you on the class! IT is amazing the muscles that get tested in those classes. But, I always feel like, well, It's got to be helping somewhere.

Thanks for being here for me.
As always, I appreciate your friendship.

Take care,
K

Hey Still,

I got an email. It was very general, so we will see what happens.

I'm really nervous about this, but I need to follow through with it, as this is what I felt I needed to do to validate my feelings.

I will keep you posted.
K.

OH Still, my heart is breaking.

I saw my xguy with someone tonight. I passed them on the road. I don't think he saw me, but I saw them.

My heart is breaking.

I hate it. I'm the one who asked for this space, and he is the one dating, and I hurt!!
This is exactly why we are preached to about not getting involved too soon.

I can't stand it.
I know there is nothing anyone can say to make me feel better, but venting might help some.

I'm wondering what's going on for you? How are you these days?

I wish we lived closer. We could be miserable together!!

thanks for listening,
Karona

You have not been here in awhile, I just wanted to check in with you and see how things are going.

Please write when you can.

K.

Hi Karona-

Sorry that I vanished off the face of the earth. Right now my computer at home is down and I am not working so things are tough as far as logging on.

How are you doing? You seem so down. What are you thinking/feeling about this guy. How are you handling him being with someone else? Please remember not to make hasty judgements, they could be only friends. I know you feel you have to do this, but you really seem to be wavering lately. Are you ready to face your fears? Could he be the one.

As for me. The last time I wrote I was heading out for dinner that night with a friend. Well, later that afternoon I had a knock on my door only to open it to my man. We ended up having a long talk. I asked him why he couldn't stay away and he told me it was because he was miserable without me. I asked about the other woman and he told me she was just a friend and that when he had done something with her all he could do was think of me, etc. He hasn't called her since. He was pretty shaken up and we talked for a long time. I ran into him downtown later that night and he was still visibly shaken. We talked again and got together over the weekend. We had a fun time.

Then the clincher, my kids were on vacation this week with their dad. The man and I had planned to go away together this week as well. Anyhow, we decided to go ahead and went away for a few days. We had a blast and a lot of feelings resurfaced. We talked and talked and talked about everything. He is admittedly confused and scared of another failed relationship, but he says he can't imagine losing me either. We have decided to take things slowly, working through them together, and seeing where it goes.

Part of me says I am crazy, but the other part feels we deserve a chance to see what will happen. All I know is that the person I fell in love with is coming back and it has been wonderful. I am working hard to stay calm, and collected and to give this a chance.

I will keep you posted. I have to go out of town for the weekend. My son is playing in a soccer tournament. I will check in when I get back.

I hope all is well. You have been in my thoughts. How is the granddaughter of that lady you know doing?

I wish I had some good advice, but I am so clueless to my own life right now. I guess the best I can offer is to trust your heart and let down your guard.

I am praying for you!

Take care and God bless!
K

It's so good to hear from you Still.

I'm such a mess.
I thought I was doing better, but I'm basically hurting most the time.

I don't know for sure, but based on how this guy tends to go right from one relationship to the next, I would say he is putting everything into it.

The last texts we had, I told him the things he had been wanting to hear. All he could come back with was, I know this isn't easy and you hurt. I hurt too. My heart has hurt for a long time. And the last just simply said, k, I'm sorry.

In my heart and mind, I hope he is like your guy. I hope he thinks of me. I find it very hard to believe just a couple days before I was his one and only, to K, I'm sorry.

I never did anything intentional to him. When I broke it off with him, it was for his best interest too. It was never a game.

I have gotten some wonderful advice from the other Still. StillLovingHim that is and RebornMan. This other Still has invited me to talk through email. It seems she has had a very similar experience, so I' absorbing what she has to say.

Right now, I just feel like, I have let the best guy slip right through my fingers and that I will never be treated so well or loved so much.
Maybe that is all my fears right there, and I can't see past that.

Funny thing too. I based so much on what my family/friends thought.
I couldn't get my mom, sister, friends, to give me advice. Now that it's over, I hear:
He is the most genuine guy.....
He is so good looking.....
You will never find anyone that would treat your girls so well......
It doesn't matter about the height, only how he treats you...

If I could have heard these things, maybe it could have helped me.

It has been a week now since it all began, and my stomach is still a wreck.

Anyway, thanks for you thoughts, I always appreciate what you have to say.

So, you and your man have been seeing each other. I'm so happy for you.
I know your heart is with him Still. I hope he can come to terms with things.

If you want to share my experience with him I don't care.
He could lose you if he is not careful. Maybe he needs to hear that.

Who would have thought we would have to go through these boy heartaches as adults???

I always think of you. You have become such a friend to me.

Please keep me updated on things as I think of you often.

Thank you for asking about the girl.
Its sad really. After her surgery, she had several seizures.
They are moving her to a rehab facility because her speech has been affected.
That is the part that is so hard to accept with this stuff.
We have no choice but to do the operations, it's life or death. Your child goes in normal, and they come out a changed person.
IT's very kind of you to think of her.

Take care Still. Please stay in touch when you can.

K.

Oh ((((Karona)))) I feel for you right now. You seem so down. I wish we were closer and could get together to talk in person.

I really don't know what to tell you. It may seem that for now he has moved on, but it could be that he is simply afraid of being hurt again. I really can't say. He seems to be very caring and I know he doesn't want to hurt you. It is at times like this where I wish we could have a crystal ball. Would it be possible for you to meet him somewhere? In matters like this I hate to talk on the phone or worse yet, text. There is so much to be said about face to face communication. You get the benefit of seeing the person as they talk rather and putting emotion, feelings with what they are saying.

As for me, it continues to be a roller coaster. I'll be really honest, he sounds like you in so many ways. I wish there was something I could do to calm his insecurities and fears, but this is his battle. I am trying to be supportive, but it is very difficult. We have awesome days and then he withdraws and it is very hard to take. At least he is admitting it now. On Saturday I was away, but we were in contact, things were going fine, when all of a sudden he changed. It took until Sunday for him to admit that he had panicked and purposely had tried to pick a fight so he could justify backing off. Thankfully, I didn't bite and remained really calm.

It is very hard though. He tells me he loves me, can't imagine life without me, has never been with anyone like me, felt this way, etc., etc., but there is still that nagging self doubt. He is processing a lot right now, dealing with a sense of failure and uncertainty, he contradicts himself a lot, but at least we are talking through it. I guess only time will tell.

I am so sorry to hear about that girl. Life certainly isn't fair, and it is so much worse when these things happen to children. I will keep her in my prayers.

Hang in there my dear friend. I am working on getting my computer fixed. Then I will have e-mail and we can chat there. It may be time for us to book tickets and check out the Big Apple as well.

Talk to you soon, ((hugs)),

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still, I'm glad you are back and things are going relatively well for you. I think of you so much, and wonder how its going.

I don't know your guy at all, but if he is like me in this whole mess, protect your heart.
I want to repeat, that I never did anything spiteful or mean to my guy. I was always honest and upfront with him.
But, I couldn't get those feelings out of my head.
I just want to say that, so you know it could rear it's ugly head again.
I hope not for your sake though. I know what he means though. I know exactly. He wants you so bad, but he knows when he makes that decision, it's forever, and that's scary.
I don't think he doubts you, your love, your children, I think it's all in him. I think he doubts himself.

It sounds like your learning how to deal with it, and that will be helpful for you.

As far as my guy, I'm not going to pursue him.
I know text and email is not the right way to handle it. And funny too, when I was the one to break it off with him, he always made us see each other face to face. I let him off easy! He did it through email.
Anyway,
he is into whatever he is into right now. I told him the things he wanted to hear, and all he could say was, I'm sorry. Like, I was too late.
I think as much as it hurts, I will be doing myself a huge favor by letting it go. If he comes back to me, then I will have some decisions to make.
I read in the book, that the door is not only closed, it's locked! I guess it's an important grieving step. I suppose, if it started again, we would start with a clean slate.
And that makes sense to me.

I'm not praying for him to return at this point. I'm just hoping and praying for it to turn out the way it's supposed to. I'm trying to take it out of my hands completely.

I hope you get email, and I would love to meet you girls one of these days.
I talk about you to my friends and some family. You have been a great friend to me Still.
Thank you for everything,

Karona

Hi Karona-

Sorry I disappeared again, but things have been very hectic. I feel like a chicken with my head cut off and I'm not even working!

How have you been? I think of you often, even though I rarely seem to get back here lately. Oh how I miss my computer! Any new developments? How are the girls?

Things have been nutty here. My XH's wife had their baby seven weeks early, so my kids now have a new baby brother. He was born last Wednesday and came home today. It seems surreal to me, but I am happy he is healthy.

As for the man, I am beginning to see why you don't get involved with someone at the point he is. Last weekend we were out and he got really drunk. We ran into his X who just happens to be dating the younger brother of my best friend now. Anyhow, my man seems to think that I should severe all ties to my friend's brother because he is now dating his X. I told him no, and when we ran into them the other guy gave me a hug. My man flipped, tried starting a fight, really lost it. I saw a side to him that I have never seen. He got into trouble and seemed really remorseful. I actually thought that maybe he had bottomed out and that it was a good thing. Things were going well and then last night we were at a big country music festival in town. I hadn't eaten and got a bit drunk, ran into his X and her boyfriend, just said hi. Later he found out and we argued and now he isn't speaking to me. He says I chose them over him and he needs loyalty. I explained to him that after everything that tranpired last weekend if he really thinks I am unloyal he is nuts. I don't know anymore. I am finding him to be very obsessive and controlling and I don't like it. It actually is really freaking me out so I am going to keep my distance.

When will life ever get easy? Any input is greatly appreciated!

I better run. I miss chatting with you. Hopefully my computer will be up and running soon! Have a great weekend!

Take care and God bless!
K

Still it's so great to hear from you again. I always think of you and keep checking to see if you stopped by.

I couldn't live without my computer. Pathetic but true. At times, this is my social life!

My girls are fine, thank you so much for asking. And I continue to be greatful for my job. I can't believe how afraid I was to go back to work, and now I swear, if I didn't have it, I think I would go nuts!

There is no news to share concerning "the guy". I have been doing better. My "down" times are getting further apart. I won't say that I don't think of him everyday, because I do, but I think I'm handling it better.
I haven't figured the whole thing out yet as in, that it was for the best, or that I see why....Hopefully it will be revealed to me and I will understand one day.

So, onto your life......

Hmmm, I'm not sure I like what your telling me. Sounds like he has jealous issues over the x maybe?? I can see that you were in a tuff spot on this one. I'm having a hard time believing that he wants you to cut all ties with someone that you have obviously been friends with for quite some time. I would watch that one.
How are things other wise? Is he still in his weird spot?
Any news from the x boyfriend?
I can't wait until you get your computer fixed too. I miss you!

I'm glad things are well with the baby. I bet your kids are all excited. Are you okay with it all?

Take care. I'm so glad you gave me an update. I really do think of you and wonder how you are.

Take care,
K.

Hi there-

Things are going fine with the new baby. The youngest two girls are heading over there today to spend the day with their new brother. It was weird when he was born, I can't explain how I felt other than weird. He has a head full of thick black hair, my kids were all blonde and bald, I guess this is the new generation! I am fine with it though.

I am glad you are doing better in regards to your man situation. I read your posts on the dating forum and wanted to give you a hug. You sooooo deserve happiness, we both do. Give yourself time, with time you will figure out what you need.

As for me, who knows. I am very worried about this insecure, jealous, and possesive side I am seeing. I have never done anything that would make him feel this way so it is his issue, and I think it is a major red flag. I didn't see him yesterday. He went back out to the Country Fest with his friends and got drunk. I opted to stay home and have fun with the kids. I think I sound like a bad soap opera or country song! Anyhow, he texted me multiple times during the night to let me know he was having a blast, but wouldn't do anything stupid. He also called me early this morning. I really don't get him. I am finding him very controlling and I am not one to be controlled.

I am heading out to the Country Fest with friends today. It should be fun, but I am a bit leary. Hopefully since I know where he is sitting and with 50,000 people I can avoid him and conflict!

I am glad to hear your girls are doing well. My kids are too and having a very active and wonderful summer. I am also glad to hear that work is going so well. All this from the woman who wasn't going to take the job!

Hang in there with everything. I wish you the best and will talk to you soon my friend!

Take care and God bless!
K

Oh, I bet this is so weird. I have to ask, did you go see the baby, or was this a picture?? If you saw in person, WOW, that's big Still.

I bet the kids are excited about this little life. My youngest begs me all the time to have a baby. I tease back with her, and ask if I need a husband or does she just want me to have a baby?!

As long as your eyes are open to these different sides that you are seeing, I think you will make wise choices. Maybe he is just doing some "free" single living. Who knows. How did today go then? Did you see him? I bet you were o guard the whole time.

I know for me, I have been staying close to home. Everytime I get in my car or any store I go in, I'm on the look out.
I'm not ready to see him and certainly not with this person. I saw it once, and that was plenty!

Yes, me, the one who didn't want the job is saying she is so happy with it! Can you believe it's the same person? It's helping my oldest be more independent and the girls are finding they can do things without mom for a few hours.
And, I get to be with adults!!! Win Win!! and get paid!

You hang in there too Still.

Keep me posted on things when you can.

K.

Hi there-

So far I have only seen a picture, but I may get to see him shortly as one of the girls spent the night over there and I have to go pick her up. It is weird, but I love babies so I will be fine. I was thinking that for a gift I will get a bunch of books the kids loved as toddlers and give them to him saying they are books his siblings enjoyed, or would that be pushing it?

As for the man, it is weird, he went from asserting his independence to being totally into us. I don't know, he is so black and white and from one extreme to another that it freaks me out a bit. I saw him yesterday and it went fine. He started out aloof, which was fine with me and then was asking me to sit with him, etc. when I did he told me he wants to be with me, he is sick of pretending and he wants everyone to know it. I was okay with it, but then a guy I know asked me to dance and I did only to get a lecture later on the fact that if I was with him, I would be with only him, whatever! I am sorry, but my XH was totally insecure and possesive and it is something I have no patience for. I am and always have been totally faithful and trustworthy. I want a man who is secure enough with himself to trust me, because I deserve it.

I just got done arguing with the X. Our middle daughter has wanted to get her ears pierced for months. I was fine with it, but he and the step mom have said no. Her birthday is coming up this weekend and he announces this morning that they were thinking of piercing her ears for her birthday and wanted to know what I thought. I told him that I wanted to do it as I had been waiting for months and as always he was totally oblivious to all of it. I could strangle him!

I hear you on not wanting to see him/them. That is the worst! I really do wish you luck. Your day is definitely coming!

Glad to hear everything else is going well. Talk soon!

Take care and God bless!
K

Hey Still,

It sounds to me like your guy is caught in emotions for you and what his buds may be telling him to do??
I'm not sure, but it makes me wonder.
What do you think??

So, your x gets to be the hero? UGGHHH! This is one area that I don't get grief from my x on. He pretty much doesn't involve himself in the girls "girlie" stuff.
I'm sure it could have something to do with, if he doesn't have an opinion, then he won't have to open his wallet.

OH, to see the guy would be the dreaded, and I'm sure my day is coming. I need to new tires, so I plan to go tomorrow to get them. I take it to a place at the mall so I can walk around while it's being serviced.
I feel very vulnerable going there because there is a good chance I could run into him there.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your daugther! I hope she has a special day, and she gets her wish!!

K.

At first I thought it might be friends, but I really don't think so now. He has admitted that when he took the break he did it because seemingly everyone was telling him to do so, but that the only thing it did was made him miserable. He said that should have been obvious by the amount of phone calls, home visits he made during our break. I don't know.

It is weird, now he is totally into it telling multiple people. I think my head is still spinning! I guess all I want is normalcy and consistency, not this one extreme or another! I guess only time will tell. We did have a long talk about the jealousy and both explained our points of view. I hope it helps.

Good luck with your tires. I hope you will be spared running into him in the mall. Right now you need time to heal, and seeing him would just hurt.

My X is just a poop in all regards. I actually think it is more stepmom trying to win the points, but whatever. Let them do it, it doesn't change real feelings.

I have to run. Will talk to you soon!

Take care and God bless!
K

Good to hear from you Still and get an update.

Well, so he realized he was miserable. Good then!

I think time and talk is about all you can do. Just see how it goes and where the relationship takes you.

Your handling things right by talking about the issues as they come up.

I'm sure their motives do shine through pretty brightly!
It's so great that you have such ease within yourself to not let this bother you too much.

Take Care,
K.

Hello Ladies,
Still - I have a comment on your x's behavior. Maybe his X wasn't so bad and you will find out more about him through your friend's brother. So, perhaps your guy is scared you may hear about his bad side?

Have a great few weeks ladies. I'll be like still and offline. Oh yeah, then I'll be doing the drive near Pittsburg early next week.

Hey newly,

When are you going to be near Pitts? Are you going on vacation?
Let me know.

Talk to you soon.
K.