Owl, d-day was a week-and-a-half ago, when my niece told my NIL that she was going to leave him. He called in the family for backup and she backed down, saying she had made such a huge mistake and she couldn't believe she had even thought about getting on a plane to meet a guy who she met over the internet. Then, without warning, she goes to buy groceries a week later and doesn't return. She calls her husband later that day and tells him she's on the way to OM.

I think my NIL thought they were in the clear and truly on the road to recovery for the past week and she just blindsided him. She clearly didn't want to be talked out of her decision to leave for a second time. He didn't have the chance to give her the ultimatum of "don't get on that plane." Now his ultimatum is "choose me and the kids by Friday." But then what? Now that she's met OM she is very likely going to be unable to make a decision by Friday... especially since she'll still be with OM all this week while she tries to decide. It can't have a happy ending.

The idea that she'll want to return and he will have closed the door is of big concern to me. I am praying for the protection of NIL's heart that he will still be able to find enough love left for my niece when she decides to reconcile. And I pray it is sooner than later.

~ Snow

Good news! My niece is returning home today. She texted me yesterday and said "I can't believe I let this happen." I know there is so much more that is going to happen. Please pray for her and her family for a thorough recovery. It will take some time. She says she did not sleep with OM. She stayed in a hotel that he paid for. I hope that is true and it may well be, but as we know, it may not. Either way, she and her husband have a long way to go. I just hope she actually gets on the plane today and returns home.

~ Snow

Really good news. Just make sure that he is not rolling red carpet to welcome her home. He should discuss the terms for coming home. He needs to protect himself AND her. This is just the begining of long hard journey.-rh-

Realize that he's going to be faced with a tough time...because if he starts out 'laying down the law' with harsh terms, she may very well bolt back to the OM. If he accepts her back without setting up conditions to fix the issues, he's setting it all up to happen again. He's going to have to find that balance...I know, because that's what I had to do in my case as well.

It's POSSIBLE that nothing happened there between them physically...I know that the OM in my wife's case actually told her not to come when he knew that she wasn't 100% sure of her choices. So he may have had some small shred of decency...but they could both be lying too.

I'll keep them in my prayers.

Thanks, Red Hat and Owl. I know he has told her she can come back and there will be plenty of grace and forgiveness... but the computer is out of the house and counseling has to take place. So it seems like he is trodding the middle ground where he needs to be. My sister said niece really sounded broken and remorseful this time, like she finally realized what she was doing. Perhaps the fog is beginning to thin. She wasn't like that at all after dday one a couple weeks ago.

Thanks for the support.

~ Snow

Perhaps meeting the OM wasn't the sheer fantasy that she thought it would be. It's amazing how powerful that fantasy can be for some people though.

Glad to hear that he's got a handle on how to deal with this...perhaps you might talk to him about posting here? I'd share my situation with him if it would help any...and there are a few others here that could possibly provide some support for him as well.

Owl,

I would love for him (and even niece) to post here. I've told them about MB and my sister has urged they use this resource.... but he'll have to do it from his laptop at work since the home computer will be gone.

~ Snow

Makes sense to me, Snow. Believe it or not, we didn't remove the computers in my case...basically, I realized that since they'd taken it to talking on the phone too, there really wasn't anything I could do to prevent contact if they decided to keep it going...all I could do was to A) Plan A and do the best I could to make our M attractive and repairable to her, and B) Make it more difficult for them to HIDE the contact from me. At my wife's request, we moved the computers and TV up to the main floor, and now the whole family spends time together there. It was a great move for us.

Just to give you some hope (and feel free to share this with your niece and her H too), my wife and I are closer than ever now. This week was actually the 1 year anniversary of d-day and the hell week that followed. This whole week, I've just been struck with how different (read, MUCH BETTER) things are with us now. It's not been the trauma I thought it would be. Neither of us can believe that we've recovered as well as we have...it's awesome!

Make sure that they get a counselor that understands infidelity, and one that HEALS relationships, rather than one who just helps to end them. We were blessed with a truly great MC (was my IC first) who has really enabled us to re-build from all of this. I will remember them and you in my prayers this weekend.

Thanks, Owl. Our story has had a happy ending, like yours.... I told my niece that while recovery will be very hard it can be oh, so worth it in the end! Have a great weekend.

~ Snow

Snow-

I'm hoping that your family and your niece's family have had a productive weekend. It's not over yet, unfortunately. She's got to get past her addiction for the OM and for the online chatting and such before I'd call it a happy ending...I've known a LOT of people who have had similar issues with the internet...and it's VERY hard to get past these issues for most.

He's going to have to take some serious measures to make sure that she's not falling back into contact...install a keylogger, start keeping an eye on her call records, etc...

Again, they're in my prayers.

Snow-

Hoping to hear that things are getting somewhat better for your family.