See some new names here but many of you may know my story. If not, my bizarre tale can be found in numerous postings on the old forum.

This Friday is the one year anniversay of when I knew she was involved in her 3rd EA. I could hear it in her voice. Now she is involved with another man in a PA.

For those of you in the middle of a crisis I can tell you it DOES GET BETTER. You may think it will not but it does. I had a nervous breakdown in September and prayed that I would die but I have bounced back.

My WW would never go to counseling and just lies and lies. If your WS agrees to counseling and is truthful with you then you have an excellent chance of saving your marraige. In my case, I had no chance.

Win or lose, everyone here will be fine. I am not 100% but have come a long way from where I was.

On 5/18 at 8:30am I will be in court for the divorce hearing. It will be a tough day.

God bless everyone here and all that helped me for the last 6 months!

Keith

Hi Keith,

Glad to hear from you. I was about to send out an APB for you!

I'm sorry its come to divorce but as you and I both know it takes two to make a marriage. Hang in there and good luck with your new life! Its both exciting and scary at the same time, but I'm sure you'll find as many positives as I have.

Cheers,

Miker

Hi, Keith.

I am sorry for your pain.

I hope you and the kids are well.

Gob bless,
Gimble

Sorry I didnt' have time to read your prior posts - but, would like to ask a couple of questions...

What were your WW reasons for her multiple affairs? outside of the standard it's the poor BS fault...was it the thrill of new partners? was it purely for the sex? Did she think it was "love" rather than fog...??
Was your sex life w/her dead or did she continue to want to be w/you as well?
Did you divorce her? If not, did she file to be w/one of her affair partners?
Did she expect you to tolerate her affairs?
When did you realize that you couldn't stop her? That you had enough of her lies, cheating, etc.? I guess really when did you realize you couldn't help her as this was possibly just the type of person she is??

I ask this as I am M to serial cheat and I can't get an answer out of him, I can't understand how he can do what he does w/so many women? I'm trying to gather the strength to realize it really is over - my days as the "doll in the china closet" are over...I'm looking for insight to this type of person. My situation has been going on for 2 years that I know of..probably more..and it may be time to "cut bait" as another poster has told me..When is enough partners enough??

Thanks

Mike,

Your story parallels mine and thank you for sharing. We have lots in common and you have helped me more than you will ever know. Keep in touch.

Keith

ItHurts,

Here are some answers to your questions:

What were your WW reasons for her multiple affairs?
They were all EA's (as far as I know). She had a minor one right after we got married (I never counted that one). Her EA's come hard and fast. One in a day when I was there (you have to read some of my old posts). Reason for them. I still don't know. I am an excellent husband and father and everytime she does this I try to work with her but she just blames me.

outside of the standard it's the poor BS fault...was it the thrill of new partners?
I just don't know. She had a bad childhood with a father that she believes molested her (I feel so bad about that.) One thing that I and everyone has noticed is she is never happy with anything. We have a beautiful home, great incomes, lots of money, and she is never happy. She has had 7 jobs in 10 years. I guess she just got tired of me like everything else in her life.


was it purely for the sex?
Again, as far as I know, the first ones were all EA's. The first one was really strange. She met her brothers friend while I was helping him move. She took a likeing to him immediately. He was an average guy but he lived in a camper!!! Anyway, she started calling him all the time. He finally called me and told me. He wanted no part of it. He told me once that if he would have tried sex with her, he would have got it.

Did she think it was "love" rather than fog...??
Well it depends on what day of the week it was!!! I got her to admit to her first EA and she cried that she had always loved him. We barely knew him and she said she always loved him. The 2nd EA was very bizzare and happened fast and so did the 3rd. She admitted to both when I confronted her with evidence. She retracted both of the admissions later though.

Was your sex life w/her dead or did she continue to want to be w/you as well?
With out a doubt, when she wanted sex, it was fantastic. We really knew what each other liked and had romantic sex quite a bit. I define romantic as candles, quiet music and taking our time. When she did not want it, then it would be somewhat routine. But if I would ever talk about it afterwards she would tell me she was ashamed of what we just did. Is that something that women do or could it be because of her childhood?



Did you divorce her? If not, did she file to be w/one of her affair partners?
I filed; hardest day of my life (so far). My brother had to take me and I wept the entire time. I hate to even think about it. I just had enough.

Did she expect you to tolerate her affairs?
How can I tolerate something that she will not admit? EA's are tough to prove. Even though she admitted she retracted the admissions like she never said them.


When did you realize that you couldn't stop her?
About 4 months after I filed. It is strange but I filed and then started trying to get her back (that is how screwed up this made me). My friends and family sat me down and told me she isn't coming back and I should not want her. It then sunk in. The icing on the cake is when I found graphic emails between her and her "new" boyfriend. I knew then they were having sex. That really hit me hard. For me, sex is the one thing my wife and I shared that was ours (nobody elses). She was now sharing it with someone else and it devasted me. At that point, I turned the corner. Did not want her back.

That you had enough of her lies, cheating, etc.? I guess really when did you realize you couldn't help her as this was possibly just the type of person she is??
My therapist taught me that there are some people that just cannot commit to things. Jobs, hobbies, chores, spouses. My wife is one of them.

I don't know what to tell you about your spouse. If he will go to counseling and be honest with you, then you have a goo d chance. If he will not and lies, then, sorry to say, you are doomed. You can't fix a relationship based on lies.

Filing is hard. I thought I would be relieved after I filed and I was (for about an hour). Then reality hit and I had a really tough time for 6 months. (I mean really bad). But, I got through it and no matter how yours works out, you will get through it to.