Well, let me start by saying this new board is different.
I have been following a little, but, a little embarrassed to write.

I left the boards one night in a deep depression. Wanted to end my life. I spent a night in the hospital for observation, not the proudest moment in my life. I was just so lost, confused.

I am still on AD's,(not sure if they really do anything). I am still with W. And, hopefully, my head is screwed in a little bit tighter now.

I still go through boughts of depression, the infamous roller coaster ride is still operating. (Is this normal 5 mos out?)

The two of us are still in MC every other week and me with IC about the same. W will not do IC.

We were doing pretty good for a few weeks, and things seem to be going back to the way they were. This is what gets me down. I am trying to change my outlook on life and not be so down, but W only does it sporadically. In MC, she says and does all the right things, but when we are out, she is different. (not all the time).

We have talked a little about the A, not as much as I would like, but some of it is my fault. I am still trying to distinguish between what I want to know and what I need to know. And how much is to much. W said she was sorry in MC, but not outside. We are both pretty stubborn, and both of us are also the youngest in our families, This was a funny spot for MC.(not in a bad way) The MC holds the fire to my W as well as myself which is good, hard at times, but good.
There are a lot of issues with my childhood that has come up that I have spent most of my life trying to suppress. I hate this part of IC. I know none of this is reason for her to cheat on me, but, well time will tell if it is all related.

The W quite her job, and has a new one. It was hard for her to quite just for the fact she liked what she did, but knew she could not stay if the OM stayed. She took a pretty decent drop is salery, but the new job has potential for big growth once she has proved herself. She is a natural at whatever she does, so this will not be an issue.

I have not gained but a couple pounds back, I still cannot eat a regular to large meal w/o getting sick.(I am being monitered by my doctor), and like I said, am still dealing with depression. I hope I have a hold on this, again, being monitered by doctor and councelor.

I am sure there is more to say, but, want to get this on before I am involuntarily logged out.
Hopefully will be able to stay w this again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hello, HnH - I didn't follow your story before, but I feel bad when you say "for those that care." I have discovered that everyone on this board cares, but they all show it in different ways. Sometimes I just read and if I don't think I have anything to say that will help someone, I just keep quiet. But I do jump in when I think I can do some good. You sound to me as though you have improved from your deep depression, but there is still some depression there. Have you been back to see your doctor? If not, I think you should.



Yes, I am afraid so. Hang in there. Up and down, up and down. Whee!!!



This is a huge positive thing. At least, to me that is huge.



For the last 4 or 5 days, this has not been happening to me any more. Don't know why, but I am thankful.

I don't have intelligent advice for you - but it sounds to me as if there has been improvement of sorts -- hang in there a while longer. Some days I get pretty depressed, too.

People here care. I am sorry that you have been so depressed. This is one of the hardest things to deal with.

will check back later when I can write more.

Good Luck,
jls

Sorry for the negative care thing, it was corrected. It was not meant how it sounded. yet again poor wording.

anyway, thanks for calling me on that.

Yes, it is a positive thing getting a new job. There is alot of positive things, but, also a little to much negative as well. I quess that is why they call it work!

I was gone a little over a month and when I checked in, I got depressed over all the new people that have joined this group. I don't know enough anymore, still reading up.

It is great to see Deeplysorry back on, I find her very inspirational. But what about Sprint? how is he doing?

I just got back from the W new office. I gave her an office present. A desktop fishtank. Hopefully to help her on stressfull days.

It has been a hard couple of weeks, but I think it is just a matter of changing my outlook. I have been having dreams again and not sleeping well. But, I just take one day at a time.

gotta go get D from school, will try to vent/catch up later.

When H and I were in counseling a few years ago, he would act so remorseful and caring during counseling but as soon as we walked out the door, Mr. Hyde came back. He would be nice the night before a session, hoping that I would forget all the cruelty he threw my way the rest of the week. Stupid me never told the counselor. This man thought my husband was wonderful. Why in this world did I not tell this counselor what he was doing is beyond me. I think I was afraid that maybe he would leave or the cruelty would become physical. I don't know-I was just eat up with the stupids. Don't make the mistake I did and not be totally honest with your counselor. Let him know the whole story and make her think about what she's doing will be revealed.

hi hurtnheart.
I am new here & have been reading your post.
I gotta tell ya - I am so glad that there is a place like this where people can come to talk when they feel there is no where else to turn.
Everyone is here for the same reason....
either they are currently in a situation that they need help with or they were previously & they are recovering.
I think everyone can relate.I was glad to see that the depression doesnt just happen to me.
I thought I was going off the deep end & I havent told anyone about it.

Well, We have MC in the morning, W seems somewhat put out that we are still going. I get the feeling she thinks it is just for me. Well, C is going to ask her some questions with me out of the room, so We will see what happens. W moves on like it should be forgotten about already. I just want so much for her just to open up about it, se we can get by all this crap. Maybe it is just me. Maybe I don't know what I need to put it behind us. I just know that it shouldn't seem as easy as the W makes it seem for her.

what are some thoughts? I am open.

Bob P. Thanks for all your advice, I really respect all that you say, and admire your determination and strength.

HNH

^