We have been married for 3.5 years and have a three year old son. My husband is ten years older than I am, and has a 22 year old son.
I want another child so badly, and my husband refuses to even try. He is not being unreasonable - after we had our son we were (sort of) in agreement that we weren't going to have more. I am not being unreasonable, though, because who could have known four years ago that my feelings would change?
I should mention that I was unexpectedly pregnant earlier this year (we were using birth control). It was a horrible ordeal for me - I ended up losing the baby. So not only am I sad and heartbroken over the baby God took away, but I'm sad and heartbroken that my husband won't allow me to have another chance. Before you say "It's been too soon, in time you won't feel that way," let me argue. I feel more strongly NOW than I did right after it happened. I have tried to move past this. I have tried to convince myself that I only want this because of what I lost. I honestly don't believe that. I have prayed about it - please God soften his heart toward another child. If it's not in Your plan, then please take away my desire for it.
Nothing works. I just feel that my life, our family... whatever... is not complete.
I am trying so hard not to be resentful. But the bottom line is that I am longing for something so badly, and the man I love refuses to give it to me. I know that sounds so simple and childish, like it's me versus him. But in a way it his. How do you compromise about a child? Either you have one or you don't. Either way, somebody is not getting what they want.
In my case, if we don't try, I will not be getting what I want. I may not always feel as strongly about it as I do right now, but I will always have that part of my heart that is empty because of the child I wanted but we didn't have.
If we do have another child, he will be giving in on what he didn't want to do. But we would be blessing our family with another child! You can not tell me that once the baby was born, he would look at him or her and say, "I wish we didn't decide to have you."
He is a good man and a loving father. Both of his children were unplanned. I can't imagine him loving a child any less that was planned when he is a devoted father to the two that were unexpected!
How do we get past this? In my opinion, it will always be between us. Either I will look at him as the man who refused to compromise, or he will look at me as the woman who forced him to compromise.
I know one of the things people will say is to give it time. My big issue with that is his age. He is 43 and that is his biggest reason for NOT wanting another child - he says he's too old. So if he's too old now, how will waiting six months make it any better? He'll be even older! (I don't think he's too old, but nothing I say can change his way of thinking.)
Help!
