I know what you are going through, it will be one month on the 15 of may that my husband told me.

It is the hardest things that you will every have to go through. One day your up and the next you are down. I still have visions and thoughts in my head about them and it is very hard to make them go away. You need to worry about yourself and your kids if you have any.

You will find that one minute they want to talk about what has happened and the next they don't, but please don't expect any amazing to happen. My H has going back to kinda being the person he was, I have asked him to show me that he cares a bite more but they have to want to, you can't force them.

You have to remember that you and you h lost a connection and even through the affair has nothing to do with you, he found confort in someone else and that is the hardest part.



When you say this I asked myself the very same thing, I told my h what more do you want, you have a pretty wife to great kids, money a great job everything. And we have been married for 6 years I told him that I the past six years, i was a wife and a mother and now that i have lost weight and are starting to feel good about myself, you go and do this.

That hurts and the thing is the women is order then him, I told my husband that most men would be happy to have a good looking wife who is 10 years younger. Everyone now at his work and his friend all say how great I look and it make me feel good but on the other hand it is like why now, did he like it better when no one noticed me?


The one thing that you need to make sure of is that he is no longer having contact with the OW. My h still is working with the other women but they don't talk anymore. And I know this because I ask around the office. Even my family has noticed that they aren't talking. And have started to ask my questions

I was at the office yesterday and I say her because I had to drop some work off. And everytime I see her I get this sick feeling in my stomach.

I do need to ask for some help we got invited to a friends sons birthday party and I know for a fact that the OW was invited with her family.

Now when my H told me he said that we would not go, but I said why? If our friend invites us how can we not go right?

If the OW and her family is there what I am going to do? there are going to be many events that we are going to have to go to and she is going to be there.

I tell my husband that if she touched my kids then I will say something to her, and when I say that he get mad and tells me not to start.

Our kids and her kids know each other, we were on holidays with them in march and the thing is I think that my h is nerves because this is the first time we are all going to be in the same room, and her h does not know.

so if any one can give some advice please let me know

is there something about no contact that confuses you????

and are you also confused about exposure?? how do you NOT tell her husband???

I guess we worry about the out come of the exposure it will not only hurt our families but other problems may araise.

it is really hard to deal with all this and all the feel and confusion. Today we are surpose to go to therapy and he is giving me a hard time because he is not sure that he is going to be able to make it because of work.

and it really borthers me b/c he made time to spend with the ow when he was surpose to be working

so if he can't come to fix his marriage is there even hope?

There is hope but not for a WS. A WS has NO PLACE in a M.

Go to your session with or w/o your WS. Know that he will balk bacause a good IC or MC session is not healthy for a WS. It is good for someone who wants to stop being a WS but a varmit like a WS does not want t/b clean and happy.

Pray for a clear mind and a calm heat. Throw in lots of patience. Work on identifying your boundaries and enforcing them. Setup a close support group and don't deny anyone or anything the opportunity from helping you stay on the straight and narrow. Have back up plans.

Learn to reverse babble and work on a good plan B stragedy.

Read up on the book His Needs/Her Needs and Love must be tough. The Bs needs all the support available. Never assume anything.

Learn to distinguish between your H and the WS. Plan A your H and plan B the WS. Don't worry about pushing a WS away. You don't want a WS near you, you should want your spouse back.

Also learn to respect yourself and require he also respect you and your family. If you allow yourself to settle for crumbs of his attention, then the WS mind will think he is doing a great job at being an H when in reality he is a piece of WS crap, not worthy t/b around a good family.

take care,
L.

stop falling for the ws excuses-----she msy sue me, i may loose my job...blah blah blah--all excuses to not do what will hurt the affair the most. expose to her husband---he has a right to know. he will also help ensure nc is kept. as far as family---that is up to you---right now the owh should be told.

oh yeah---the things he's worried will happen---they are called consequences.

You have this backwards, mjr. It is the affair and its continuation that is hurting his family and your marriage. It will do more than "hurt" your marriage if it doesn't stop, it will destroy your marriage if it continues. Exposure will not destroy your marriage, but the affair WILL.

You are helping to destroy your own marriage by helping them hide their dirty little secret. You are helping them destroy you. There isn't a thing we can do here to help you if you refuse to lift a finger to help yourself.


What are you going to do, mjr? You are helping her hide her dirty little secret, and this is the direct result. You put yourself in this situation. Now, you have to go places where she will be and pretend all is ok. You have to pretend in order to protect her dirty little secret for her. What a very high price you are paying for her. All because you don't want to cause trouble for the infidels.

mjr, exposure would probably end this affair immediately. The OW would find it very difficult to stay in her job working with your H for HIS family. They would both have to face his parents at work, and I am guessing that she would go pretty quickly. The alternative is to sit by and allow your marriage to disinigrate more and more every day while you die a death of a thousand cuts wondering what they are doing at work. Your marriage can't survive that.

Not only that, but the affair will likely never end. It will go on and off again for years because your H will NEVER withdraw from her. Nor will you EVER recover. You are damning yourself to a life of uncertainity simply because you are too scared to make waves.

Your H will never learn frm his mistakes and could possibly do this again when he tires of this OW. And why not? There were no consequences for this one. You have shown you have absolutely no boundaries and will tolerate anything. You will even help him hide his dirty little secrets. To your OWN demise.

So, when you say that "exposure will cause damage," do you realize the utter damage you are causing by NOT exposing it? By helping them hide their dirty little secret, you are helping them avoid the consequences of their affair and ensuring the affair will continue. Your lack of action is what is causing the damage, mjr.