wife came home from our new counselor's appointment yesterday. She said that he told her that she "has freewill" and if she's not doing anything wrong and she's no longer seeing the OM at work, he agrees that there is no reason she should have to change jobs or park in the other lot away from her co-worker.

I was surprised by this, I was under the impression that he agreed with no contact.

She also said that she "liked who she was" and that she was a "social person" and needed a life outside of her marriage. ie going out afterwork with co-workers, etc . . .

I told her that she was correct, she does have freewill to do as she wants, but that I would have to react accordingly to how this will effect my life and my feelings.

Looks like I'm heading towards divorce. I'm honestly just tired of this whole mess. It's time to move in another direction. I could be rushing into this, but it's been 4 months since d-day and I'm just worn out.

Thanks everyone for your support and advise. I wish all of you the best of luck.

GTOhio

***wife came home from our new counselor's appointment yesterday. She said that he told her that she "has freewill" and if she's not doing anything wrong and she's no longer seeing the OM at work, he agrees that there is no reason she should have to change jobs or park in the other lot away from her co-worker.***

Grove, a lot of us here can tell you that most "marriage" counselors are full of $$$hit. They do not support marriage; most just seem to serve as referees to facilitate divorce.

So, putting her husband through hell is "not doing anything wrong???"

***She also said that she "liked who she was" and that she was a "social person" and needed a life outside of her marriage. ie going out afterwork with co-workers, etc . . .***

This is a woman who is not married. She just likes having a husband when it's convenient.

I may have missed this, but has your wife ever said that *she* wants a divorce? Or does she just try to bully you into having a part-time marriage?

I don't remember you saying anything about her planning to move out, get her own place, get a legal separation or get a divorce.

This is important, because if she's just a cake-eater than a solid Plan B for a few months could make a huge difference -- and Plan B is a lot less costly and difficult than Plan D (divorce.)

Don't give up yet.
Mulan

What makes you so "sure" that she is telling you the truth as to what the counselor said? .....Or about anything?? Let's not take pot shots at someone that may be completely innocent in this matter.

GT, see, this is why I wanted you to go to a qualified counselor. Most MC are basically worthless as they are not pro-marriage and do not rate high in the common sense department. Please see a qualified, experienced, pro-marriage counselor before you even consider throwing in the towel, such as Steve Harley.

Melody,

I thought this guy was the one. I went to him to treat my depression and "racing thoughts". Obviously we talked about my situation/marriage, etc . . .

I guess I was impressed with the letters behind his name and didn't ask him the right questions concerning how he treats couples going through our situation.

I was waiting to see if wife would talk to SH with me, before calling. I honestly think that I'm at the end of my rope here and getting closer to being able to walk away from this mess. I'm in love with the person I thought my wife was, I'm not so sure about the person she seems to be now.

Thanks Melody, you gave great advise, and I did get my wife's attention once I set some boundaries and kept them. The Psychologist kind of brought things back down.

GT, I would let SH worry about getting your W into counseling. Let him do the footwork instead of pushing her even more. He is the pro here. Right now you need someone who specializes in infidelity to assess your situation and give you a PLAN. You don't need your W to do that.

Unless you personally heard the therapist say it, don't count on the reality your wife paints as being any where close to factual.

I've heard therapists misquoted and taken out of context so many times I could buy a few clinics!

Ditto KA, unless you heard it from the therapist...it is your WW's perception.

She HAS freewill..I imagine she and the IC talked about the consequences of each of these behaviors...the choice is ultimatley up to her. It is HIGHLY unlikely he gave a value statement to any of her behaviors other than to point out the consequences.

You can ask her how she knew the IC agreed with her...

And just because she feels she has some validation about her behavior, doesn't mean it works with you.

Soooo...she ran it up the flagpole...the counselor said, "Look at that," and she took it as a positive, so what are you going to do with this new 'flag', salute it?

Thank you KaylaAnndy!

This same "marriage counselor" told grovetuck that he was "unreasonable" to expect his W to leave her job and cut off contact with the OM. That is why I don't find this latest crap hard to believe at all. I think that GT needs to find a qualified, experienced MC, such as SH, if he wants to save his marriage.