I need other opinions on my problem. My wife and I were at a sports function that her company puts on (Nascar event in Chicago). While at this event I overheard one of her male coworkers and another man talking about my wife. The male co-worker was telling the other guy that my wifes breasts feel as good as they look. I did not confront this guy (who was a friend of mine before this happened) and simply left the event without my wife. I was so angry that I figured it was better to just leave than to cause a scene.
My wife absolutely denies that ANYTHING has happened between her and this co-worker. However I just don't believe her. Why would this guy say something like this?? I need advice. Please help. Any comments are welcome. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Gee confused that is a tough one. You said this guy was a friend? Was he joking? Did you have a falling out before this and he was getting back at you? I find it hard to believe a guy would say something like that in earshot of a husband unless he was purposely trying to be a jerk. It is a hard call.

You were right to come to this website and get yourself acquainted with the signs of an A. If I were you, I'd note this as a red flag, but NOT as a sure sign. Pay attention to any other behaviors she might be showing that would make you suspect. Make sure you pop in on her at work (to surprise her of course...not to check up on her) and continue to attend events like this. The fact that you were there is a good sign. My H tried to keep me away from the OW who worked for him, so he always had an excuse why I couldn't attend work function with him.

There isn't enough from this story to tell what you should do next. If the guy is a friend or was (still confused about that), what about asking him about the comment?

I hope you get answers and I hope your wife is being faithful to you. Good luck!
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God help me. Thanks for the comments. Let me give you a little more info. This guy was a close friend and we did not have a falling out before this. In fact we golfed every other week and talked almost everyday. There was a point in time that he fell on hard times and I almost took him into my home (thank god I did not after experiencing this). I knew that he was attracted to my wife but I figured as friends that was all. This has caused me much heartache and arguments with the wife because I just can't let this go. I read all of these articles about most relationships starting at work and I start to burn up. If nothing really happened then why in the world would he say this especially being friends before this. My wife says I should confront him but what good is this going to do. I can give further info but hopefully you can give me more of your thoughts based on this info. Anything you give is greatly appreciated and helps me out. I just want to make sure I am not over reacting.

Okay here we go. I am by no means an expert but you have a few choices.

1. You go to his place of employment and blacken both of his eyes. Let him explain to the rest of the company why you blackened them.
2. Your wife asked you if you confronted him. She seems to have no problem with this. You go to his place of employ and confront him where everyone can hear and tell him if he ever goes that route again you will resort to option 1.
3. The other man who he was talking to may now be spreading rumors faster than a wildfire. I would have your wife talk to HR and have them take action against him.

If she balks at option 3 ask her why. This is your friend correct. It should not matter to her. If he is married tell his wife you don't appreciate the comments he is making to others about your wife. You never know, this may be his routine.
It is a fine line pal. You may have to do some talking to your wife about this.
Remember, option 1 will most likely lead to a night or 2 in "the cross bar hotel"

Tough one to decide.

"It's all fun and games til someone loses an eye"

Thanks for the comments. Please understand that this guy is no longer my friend. I have had NO contact with him since this incident. He does still work in the same office as my wife.
As much as I would like to take option #1 I am beyond that. If I were going to do that I would have done right then and there when he said it. I did not want to cause my wife any grief by starting any problems by kicking this guys a** at the company function.

All I am trying to do here is get others advice about this situation. Bkarl I like your advice but option #1 assumes that my wife did nothing and this guy is simply telling lies. It takes 2 to tango and what if my wife did do something with this guy??
Yes he is married and the girl works in the same office as my wife and this guy (although I believe she has departed recently). My wife keeps telling my to call him but what good is that going to do?? I know the answer. He will deny, deny, deny. I am stuck between a rock and a hardspot and it is burning me up.
Again I appreciate the comments and hopefully more will come. It seems like I feel better talking to other people about this.

Hey confused. I agree with Bkarl. I would still confront him even if you know he will probably deny it. I found out from the OW. When I confronted her, she sang like a bird. I did catch her off guard. My H did not think I was really going to call her, so if he would have had a chance to warn her, maybe I would never have found out. But anyway, give it a week when your wife thinks you won't call him and then confront.

I also think approaching HR is a great idea! Because my H A was with one of his employees, HR was involved. After she contacted him twice after she was asked not to, HR warned her again. That has been it. NO more contact outside of business.

I really think you need to confront him first. Even if he denies it, he needs to know that his comment caused you much grief, was inappropriate and not funny to you. Then I'd tell him anymore comments or anything else inappropriate and you WILL go to his wife. Then do it if you have to.

After that, I'd let it go. Don't hound your wife anymore. Keep a close eye out, but then let it go.

Keep us posted!
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godhelpme and bkarl thanks. I still just don't get what HR would have to do with this. We were at an event outside of the the company (even though the company pays for the party at the event). I would not think HR would want to hear about my wifes problems with a male co-worker spreading rumors. Sounds kindof childish. I would think HR would just say handle it yourself.
Anyway my wife confronted him 1 week after this happened and he obviously denied saying it. Even if they did do something together I doubt he would admit he is bragging about it to other men.
I want to add (and this has nothing to do with this problem but shows that my wife has the ability to cheat) that on the day of her and my bachelor and bachelorette parties we sat down together and made "rules" of what one can and can't do. Well she falt out admited to me the next morning she broke one and then provided an obviously edited video tape of her and the stripper where chunks of minutes were missing from the tape (the tape went from 3:12 to 9:45 minutes). I asked her about this and she just shrugged her shoulders. This has bugged from from day one because we made rules and she just thumbed her nose at mine and fell to what I feel was peer pressure.

I really hate to see you here! First things first. Try to relax just a bit. Get a grip on your emotions here for a few days or so. I know that is tough! But you must.
If he knew you would hear him when he said it, he is just a sh!!bag and was never your friend anyway. If he didn't know you were there, there still may be the chance that he is a sh!!bag and just acting the wishful wolf! Or, the intuition you are struggling with is true. I hope not!
I kind of get the feeling you are searching for evidence to one way or the other.
Take this with a grain of salt. If your wife were to be having an affair with him she may just have seen the true him. You need to plan A your !ss off and show her there is no other man for her in this world and she would be a fool to think anyone could compare to you!
Now, about the HR thing. It is called Ethics in the Workplace. Every company has one in place. Some frown upon this and some may not. An annonymous call to their HR department will let you know how they treat these things. This is indeed sexual harrasment in the workplace if your wife chooses to file. The company wether they like it or not are in this beacause they paid for the party. That makes it a company sponsored event.
Tread lightly for now. Do not give up your hand until you are holding 4 aces.
If you want to go to the info gathering stage email me and I can give you a few tips. I hope it does not come to that and you find out this is just a pig you thought was a friend. stinkytheweez2003@yahoo.com
You could also tell your wife that if she were to tell HR you would not doubt her commitment and your trust for her would be intact. Only you know how to word it as to not LB (Love Bust)

Good luck my friend

What a tough spot to be in. Initially, my immediate thought was to confront him, but since it has been so long (not just yesterday), they have probably already gotten their stories straight (IF it is an A). Therefore, confronting him about it will do nothing. If the event was going to "out" the A, it already would have. If she denies everything, talking to him isn't going to change it. Keep in mind, he could just be a s**t talker trying to look cool. I'm married to one of those....so I know that they exist. What was her IMMEDIATE reaction when you confronted her. Was she automatically defensive? Or was she discusted with HIM? If she was automatically defensive, I'd lean in the direction of an A. If the latter was more true, then you might just be dealing with a s**t head.

Either way, I don't think that confronting him (especially physically) will do any good. HR might be interested in knowing what's going on, but it really depends on the company. My H was fooling around at work functions and at the office itself and the owner did nothing about it. She even still works there (and is still married) and has reportedly had As with at least two other married men at the office since then and no one does anything. However, I have worked for companies that take this sort of thing VERY seriously....even a simple comment. Your wife would be the one that would get HR though, and it doesn't look like that is going to happen. That in itself sets off a few alarms. She shouldn't feel any need to protect a pig like that if nothing is going on.

Do you have any other friends in the company that might cooberate one side of the story? It would have to be a neutral party that would have nothing to gain by burning either one of them. I was able to call a third party when my H cheated and was able to sort out a few details. It made a BIG difference in my situation. If you do have another contact, make sure that you contact them in private. Don't give your wife the opportunity to get them on her side first. Maybe they can confirm whether there has been any questionable activities (lunches, rumors, staying late, etc.) If there are rumors, make sure to negate any that have circulated since the event in question. Is there anything from before that? Does she have a reputation that you didn't know about? Etc. I don't know if there are kids involved, but that's what got my third party talking. I explained that I didn't want to find out later when it would really hurt our kids to go through a D. They are young enough now that they wouldn't remember, "so let me deal with this now". Also, I wouldn't necessarily let the third party know what you know. Maybe just say that some things have happened that are questionable and you are trying to make sense of it.

These are just a few ideas to help you make up your mind about what YOU think is going on. REMEMBER, even if the answers to these questions lead you toward an A...It's still not a proven fact. Are you prepared to deal with an A if it's not absolutely proven? That's the REAL tough question. Either way, your wife should be understanding at how difficult it would be to hear something like that about her.

I wish you the best of luck and please keep us updated. You're in good company here either way.

Lindsay