Are you around? I have been reading the husband & wife thread and I really need someone to talk to.

I'm here...what's up??

I do not know you or your story. I am sure you do not know mine. I am not sure why I chose you. I have been following your thread on Husbands and Wives. You seem to be know a great deal about the bible. I have been presented with a situation and would like to know more about doing something for revenge and what the bible says.

I guess I really just need to talk with someone about this situation but not sure if I want to do it on a public forum.

Hey LU...I think I am getting your drift.

I do have a rule about these boards, and really about anywhere in my life....I do not have priavte email conversations or meetings with other women. Just a rule I made after all that has happened in my life. Keeps me out of trouble or even the appearance of trouble. So, if you absolutely have to have a private discussion, I can recommend some Christian women on here who know the Bible as well as I do.

That being said, there is no problem bringing out things here. Although public, no one knows who anyone is on this board, unless they have revealed so. Believe me, back during the beginnings of my wife's affair, I posted a lot of things that I thought about doing or wanted to do...many very un-Christian like. That is one of the reasons these boards are here...to let us get out what's going on, and get some help/guidance in dealing with these things. I found it great to be able to vent with others that had the same feelings I did. Then, once I vented...I was able to go on with my day because I had worked thru the anger and to what I really should be doing.

So, I am here if you want to lay it out here.

In His arms.

As you can tell from my signature line I am the BS. My story in a nutshell:

I thought I had the perfect marriage. Don't we all. My husband had an affair with a woman he met a church. We had been very involved with our chuch. There is about 1200 members. My husband played the drums. We have spent the past 7 years very dedicated and serving.

Anyway the OW showed up about 2 years ago. Last May the affair started with the two of the talking. just as you said above. We were having trouble with our oldest son from my first marriage. Husband needed someone to talk to. She is a single mother of two and not saved in to drugs. I think my husband thought they would save each other. They exchanged work #'s and it went from there. It was a very public affair. Alot of people knew in and out of church.

The first time my husband slept with her was May 19, 2004. He left me the next week. It was not pretty. She told my younger son 11 that she was sleeping with his father. We all know the pain. DDay was July 6, 2004. My husband came to me and confessed and asked for forgiveness. He moved home on August 9, 2004. We continued to go to church and so did the OW. She was not backing down. She has always played the victim card.

It was very dificult for me. I felt that I was doing what God was telling me to do. I knew my husband would not sacrifice his drums and leave the church. So I prayed and continued to do what the Lord told me to do.

Long story short in Feburary I could no longer continue going to church with this women. She had gotten involved with several other men since my husband and the church was allowing her to be on the drama team and stand on stage. I just could not watch anymore. We left the church. My husband knew it was time and he cried out to God for an answer. The Lord told him it was his turn to sacrafice.

With all that said my FWH has done everything he knows to make things right. I know all there is to know about the affair and then some. He has not left my side since Dday. There has been no contact other than seeing her at church. We both realize we should have left the church from the start.

Recovery is going great. I have really been blessed. It has not been a year yet and we have really been working hard to put it back together and move on.

My problem. I work for a real estate company. I have met a builder that has shown interest in me. We do not see each other every day. We have never seen each other outside of work. But I know it could be a problem. I have told my husband about my concerns and we have talked about what I need to do.

The thing is the devil is sitting on my shoulder telling me to go ahead and have some fun. See what it would be like with another man. I want to pursue this man. I know it is wrong. I am a christian. I know what the bible says.

I have said enough. I am going out of my mind. It is driving me crazy. I am going to hit the send button before I chicken out.

I am leaving work now...I will reply in about two hours after I slug my way thru Washington DC Friday traffic. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I finally got home (2 hour commute!). Anyway, I am working on the response here. Are you still out there??

LU,

You said that you know what the Bible says. So, you know that first off, temptation is not a sin. Even Jesus was tempted. Where sin comes in is acting upon it.

I want to have you think about something as I give you a little history lesson here that might help. But as I do, I want you to think about the day after you hook up with this guy. lt's say that the sex and the night were awesome, for arguments sake. now, what does the next day look like. How do you feel? About yourself, about this guy, about your husband...even about Jesus? Are you still close to your husband? Are you still close to Jesus? What is the status of your marriage now? How does the OM feel about you? I mean, he just hooked up with a married woman so somewhere inside, he cant have too much respect for you since you have betrayed your husband. How is he looking to you now? Sure the sex was great, and now you are addicted and want more. but is that all it is...butterlies and orgasms? Or is this man more than that? And if he is, where does that leave my husband? And what about this guy, who is willing to use my body...what kind of man is he?

And on, and on, and on. What does tomorrow look like?? I have found that if you can figure out what tomorrow looks like, it makes today look a whole lot different.

I will post again shortly with that history lesson, to show you that what you are feeling is normal and not unique. And hopefully you will be able to see that there is a way thru this minefield that will keep you from being hurt. but you must use your head, not your heart.

I want you to know upfront that all lines of communication are open between my FWH and I. This situation with this man started about 3 days ago and I told my FWH because I would want him to tell me. We have talked about it and what needs to be done. We are in recovery. We are going to recover.

Right now, not quite a year later the devil has put this OM in front of me. He is married also. I do not care about him. I really do not even know him. But I do wonder what it would be like to have sex with him.

I know what tomorrow looks like. It looks whole hell of alot worse than today. I am just struggling with the whole "If it is OK for you to do it why can't I". I want a break from all of this $hit. Maybe it is because the 1 year thing is causing me to trigger.

I guess my FWH did not have any respect for me either. If he had maybe this would not be happening right now.

I guess I am just having a really bad day today. How long did you and your S talk about things? How long did you rehase things over & over again? When am I going to be able to move on.

My FWH has really worked hard (and so have I) to get where we are. He is truely remorseful. He has asked for forgiveness. He is doing all the right things. Why can I not let it go.

Where are you Mortarman? I think I am talking to myself!!!LOL

back in sec

Okay..I am back. Our cable and power went out last night due to a storm.

Okay...you sounded a lot better in your last post. So let's address the real problem here.

Your husband caused you immense pain. You now have feelings that you would like him to feel what that pain is like. Okay, fair enough.

We'll come back to that in a minute.

Let me ask you a question? You want him to feel what you have felt. but that requires that you have to feel what he felt, is feeling and will feel the rest of his life. You want that? You want to have this little nagging reminder in the back of your head on how you failed? You want to have to feel remorse? You want that? Because the part of him feeling your pain is that you have to feel his. You know, the one thing I thank God for doing this whole mess is that I do not have to feel what my wife has felt, and will feel. Yes, I have felt pain. But, I do not have the guilt and reminder of the immoral things that she has done. I thank God I dont have to deal with that. Why add the pain of being a BS, with the pain of being a WS??

Now back to him feeling your pain. Do you really want him to? Really? You have said over and over how good recovery is going, how much you love him. Do you really want this man to hurt? Or could it be that you just want to stop hurting?

I am betting on the second one. Well, I can tell you that hooking up with this guy isnt going to stop the pain, it is only going to increase it for all involved.

No, your husband did not respect you God or your marriage. You are right. but that does not give you the right to return the favor. You must rise above that.

Please use your head now. The pain will subside. The man you mneed to look to is not this OM, it is not even your husband. Jesus does have the ability to take this pain away. When you feel like you want to do something like this, RUN to your pastor...run to your knees. Jesus will intercede. And you will find this will all slowly go away.

Keep comign here and talking. Talking is NOT doing. So as long as you are talking, to us, to your husband, and to Jesus...you wont be talking to this guy.

I commend you for immediately telling your husband. I suspect he knows EXACTLY where you are and in how dangerous position you are. Let him help you, because he has been there.

You are okay. You really are. Now, stay away from this guy. And get on with the business of your family.

In His arms.

Mortarman,

I am not going to do anything stupid. If it were not for the Lord I would not be in this marriage. He told me to stay. I do hear that still small voice and I try and listen.

This is my and my FWH's second marriage. I do not want to fail at this. I pray and ask God to help me make this work. He is around me all the time. I felt him more in the 6 weeks that my husband was not living with me than I ever have.

God has a hand in everything. I do beleive that I had put my husband before God for years. I thought I had a relationship with God. Let me tell you I soon figured out after my FWH left that my realationship was with God was not what I thought it was.

During our seperation the Lord sat with me. He was really there. I could feel his touch. Without him I do not know what would have happened. I am blessed. Sometimes angry that all of this happened thru the church but that is not God's fault.

I do not want my husband or anyone eles to feel the pain of a BS. I do not wish that on anyone. Nor do I want to feel the way a WS feels.

I am dealing with the trigger of the 1 year mark of my husband sleeping with the OW (May 19, 2004). I guess this is why I am having a hard time. But like you said I have been on my knees asking for his guideance and wisdom.