I'm posting this here and on the General Questions Page. I can't believe my H, who I was divorced from last Monday, is marrying the OW on Monday. (She divorced her H a few months ago.) Yesterday was a really good day. I felt good, had lots going on, and was of the mind that my H's and the OW's honeymoon can't come to an end until their "marriage" begins. Last night, I had another bad dream, however. (I am so sick of these darn things I can't hardly stand it.) I won't go into it but suffice it to say, it involved my Ex and the OW getting hitched. Anyway, I think those of you who know me from here know how hard I've worked on getting through this this past year. I am proud of myself and think I've done a darn good job swimming through the pain, growing taller and stronger instead of shrinking away, learning, reaching out, etc. For the next week or so, until the wedding is over at least, I have decided to give myself permission to indulge my biggest neuroses. Again, many of you already know what it is. I seem to become very calm and get great comfort when I am convinced they can't last, they won't be happy, regardless of where I end up, he'll regret what he's done (for those of you who don't know my old posts, the OW has serious spending problems, lies, and breastfeeds other people's children without their permission in group settings) As Penny and Robin have taught me - an addiction is an addiction, however, and let me tell you - my H is way addicted. So... Any new stories about other affair partners who didn't work out, regretted their actions, went back to their former spouses... or simply a pat on the back if you truly believe these things don't end up in fairly tale happily ever afters would be appreciated through next Tuesday the 17th. Only post if you believe it to be true! I'll check in whenever I'm feeling really down and will send my thanks your way. You're all so great and our WS's seem so foolish right now...

He marries her tomorrow. I never would have believed this could happen...

Hi GS,

Have you thought about sending a nice Wedding gift? Such as...some rotten flowers? A dead rat? Throw a stink bomb? Hire some bouncers to crash? LOL Sorry.But they deserve something to remember their sickening and pathetic "union"(puke).

I personally do not know of anyone close to me that is going through the same thing I am so I have no new story to tell but I do feel strongly that no matter how long these two make it "last" that it's still a disgusting union and they can try to pretend that it's so holy and wonderful(who are they kidding???) but you can rest easy,I hope,knowing that they are making a mockery of marriage and will find no comfort there.They both have serious problems that WILL come crashing into their little demented world and the facade will start to crack.It may take months,maybe even years but all odds are stacked against them despite what a certain recent poster had to say(without her own stats to back up her claims).

This OW sounds like a real winner(aka: nut case) so let him have her and all the wonderful qualities she radiates.gag.I hope your WH wants to be a Dad because he is about to be bestowed with 3 kids in a flash.While you are out with friends at a nice restaurant enjoying the evening, your WH and OW will be up to their eyeballs in bills,needy and probably ill-mannered children who are in a terrible siutation themselves and that will be difficult,not to mention all the rest of it.The "honeymoon" phase is about to be over,not beginning.

Do something nice for yourself tomorrow.Keep busy,ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

O

Oh, yes. Wait until the reality hits the fan. Like October girl said.

Thank you, thank you. I'm having such a difficult night. Tomorrow is the wedding and, on one hand, I think that it's ok. After all, my life won't change a bit. His will when her credit (an abomination) becomes his. Still, this man was the love of my life and I cannot believe he's going through with this. Sigh. I promise to write back here every anniversary from now to update folks on what has transpired. Hopefully, this story will be an inspiration to others (i.e., where the betrayed spouse has risen above it all and the betraying partners have made a very, uncomfortable bed that neither end up sleeping in together.) Hugs to all. Me

Just remember this: Affairs are 'best foot forward' - ie. when they meet, they've already gotten up, dressed, shaved/personal hygeine, etc. and they only see what the other one wants them to see.. So. They marry. Sleep in same house.. yep. She (the OW) will then see your hubby with his dirty clothes thrown around, dragon breath in the morning, unshaven, she'll be there whenever he's sick or in a rotten mood... etc. Yep. She gets it all! And a new marriage based on LIES and DECEIT as well as BREAKING wedding vows. Nope, I do not believe that is the basis for a 'lasting' marriage with them.. once a CHEATER always a cheater.. they will always be wondering if the other is cheating on them...
Nope. Be glad it's not you getting 3 new kids...
JHMO
Harold

Thanks, Sauron. I wish this didn't hurt so badly. It's really, really painful...

You will get through this. What nice thing are you doing for yourself today? I know it seems like your darkest hour. The good thing is that time passes, and if you post here somebody will respond, hold your hand, and tell you that "time passes."

Somebody else will remind you that reality will creep into their perfect little marriage bit by bit, and always present will be the little memory of how they lied, cheated, snuck around, and eventually suspicion will surface. They may not be suspicious of the other one cheating on them with an OP, but they can't erase the knowledge that they managed successfully to lie to their partners. It may be a small matter of an extra piece of candy missing from the chocolate box. Or an unexplained hang-up phone call. Or forgetting to put gas in the car, showing selfishness. It won't be a Garden of Eden.

Meanwhile, you will make your bed in the morning, and come home at night, and you won't be checking the sheets for hairs that aren't your own. He will be going out for a quart of milk and coming home a few minutes late in THEIR house, not yours. And she will be wondering .... was he calling someone else?

The kids will be squabbling with each other. Talk about a passion killer. They have birthdays coming up. All the tedium and stress involved in planning their celebrations, inviting friends and relatives and getting the house cleaned up before and after. Paying for the bounce house, the balloons, the party bags, organizing the little gifts to go into the party bags, dealing with the uninvited younger sibling of a party guest who insists on hogging all the attention of the hired juggler/magician/clown they hired to keep the kids occupied and entertained. Which is all fine if it's YOUR kid you're throwing the party for.

You will be lonely, but you're only washing dishes for one. And in the morning, the sink is still clean.

Just trying to look on the bright side.

Thanks, you. I do believe the day will come where he simply kicks himself up one side and down the other for the awful choices he has made. In the meantime, though, my heart aches. I meant my vows when I said them. This whole thing came with so little warning, it was incredible. They sent out wedding invitations two months prior to my divorce. They're married exactly two weeks after. Makes you wonder what they're trying to hold on to. Perhaps they think something may slip away?