It has been a couple months since I have posted and as I am nearing the year anniversary from hell (D-Day), I have spent a lot a time reflecting back, crying, and wishing my life with the man I love to return. It is amazing how strong your emotions can be as they have triggered suicidal thoughts on occasion since d-day. I have since seeked help from friends, counselors, family as this scared me. I don't think I could ever go through with it as there is too much in my life that I love, including family, friends, my career. While I knew I loved my WH, it is now very apparent how much I really cherished him and I am almost desperate to save a person that seemingly no longer exists. My WH is a lost soul and I am not sure he grasps what hurt he has inflicted on me and what this divorce ultimately symbolizes. I know he misses me as he stated it himself but I don't think he believes he can rebuild the bridges he burned to return to the life he lived with me. OW is an easier escape to his problems and building a new life without me, our friends isn't as overwhelming so he has chosen this route. I am truly scared for the day OW hurts him and he is finally able to grieve the life he has left behind. I hate this because I truly want to help him rebuild those bridges and rekindle the friendship/love that once brought so much happiness in both of our lives. Right now, I am going out and meeting new people but I am not able to trust nor even think about getting involved with another man at this point. Perhaps this time will come but I am not sure how to once again trust those raw emotions (love) that were once spoken to me by WH after his betrayal. I was even at a wedding a couple weeks ago and had a heck of a time not yelling Bullsh*t as the vows were spoken. For those of you who have moved on from heartbreak, how did you do it? Have you been able to trust again?

Thanks,

Muels

kjb, I think about you, and I'm glad to hear from you. Sorry you're still hurting.

Some people don't have the empathy, courage, humility, and patience to face their troubles and make things right.

Look at the FWS here. They have all these characteristics. Look at the WS who stay away. They lack these characteristics.

Call me judgemental, but that's what I see.

How's business?

GC

Thanks GC...I had to cut back on my work a bit since my emotions were gettin the best of me at times BUT fortunately, I have established a name for myself in the sports community which has helped me return to full stream with my clients pretty quickly. I am still making less than I did pre d-day but that is mainly I gave up a few positions, including a book deal, as a result of the need to tend to myself. I hope to resubmit a proposal in the next year. I also recently helped launch a new sports drink that is doing quite well so it is kind of exciting to think about my prospects in this part of my business. This year is really about myself. My b-day is a few weeks away and I vow to start my 29th year better than my 28th year which was basically ruined by WH. I will be headed to Southbeach to visit friends...we are taking their boat down to the Keys. I may also be doing a photo shoot for Adidas which is kind of exciting and has helped boost my somewhat lowered esteem. All and all, I am blessed with a lot...just crave that affection and love and would love nothing more than to share it with someone who cherishes me the same way I cherish them. I realize this is going to take some time to get back to.

That is about all other than the fact that I have temporarily given up on Ironman training to focus on shorter races...the fast stuff helps me deal with my stress and anger better whereas the long aerobic stuff just triggered too many emotions (thus my very dangerous asthma attack at Kona last October). I was all american last year in the world of triathlon which earned me a slot to Nationals this year in Kansas City....I hope to qualify for Worlds in Honolulu this October.

How are things going with you? I have stayed out of the loop and am curious to see how everyone is doing. Any inspiring stories?

Cheers,

Muels

You said everything that I have felt in dealing with me and my wife's separation. It's amazing as I read what you wrote how I am feeling everything that you felt or feel.

I hope that you are doing better and it sounds like your job is getting better. I know it is hard to see now as it is for me, but there are great people out there who keep their promises (like me) and hopfully we will find these people in our quest for love. I hope your 29th year of life goes better and good luck.

Thanks Bigbuffs...anytime I see or hear an inspiring story, it puts a smile on my face yet also makes me crave that affection, the love that once was so apparent in my life, my marriage with WH.

It has been really hard for me to see all the immorality that I seemingly was immune or oblivious to for so long. I grew up in a midwest community where divorce, infidelity was pretty much nonexistant and since moving to the west coast, it seems like it is everywhere and even worse many people think it is no big deal. I was up in San Fran this weekend for a race and I witnessed many acts of infidelity, both emotional and physical. Sometimes, I just want to go up to these people and just slap them into reality, telling them straight up to go home to their spouses. Or if I see a woman flirting with a married men or vice versa, I want to go tell them off. This past weekend, I was hit on and asked for sex by a married man who knew straight up the hell I am going through...it was like he was taking advantage of the fact that I am emotionally vulnerable. I am sorry, this sickens me and I would never run into the arms of another immoral man to satisfy my need for affection. Anyways, I started asking about his family, his wife at home which I think embarassed him a bit and definitely got him off my back. I am just in shock...some people think that wild monkey sex will make their problems go away and help me to feel better which is polar opposite to the truth. I could never conform to the immorality that seems to have overtaken a society I once believed in and now am having a hard time trusting. I want to believe in love and trust marriage. I want to make love with a man who cherishes me the same way I cherish them.

OW (a 03 HS graduate)is part of a younger generation who are exposed to more of this immorality. She only knows what f*cking or sex is rather than really understanding, embracing, and/or valuing what love and marriage symbolizes. When I hear of such high schoolers f*cking as a hobby, it scares me and it is even more frightening to see how many men choose to leave their loving wives and good life for this. Call me old fashioned but I have honestly only have made love in my lifetime and I plan on keeping it that way.

Sorry for the vent...just wanted to say thanks for your kind words! Hope you are having a nice day and each day seems a bit brighter than the last.

Cheers,

Muels