Who can doubt the value of a SUPPORT GROUP even on an anonymous public forum?

Certainly not me.

I was called here on MY FIGHT OR FLIGHT PATTERN. I was encouraged to DUKE IT OUT. I was encouraged to follow PROVERBS 31, to rise up to be THE VIRTOUS WOMAN....

My plan this morning was to call my mother. Before making the call, my H, my FWH, that is, says to me: "I know YOU will do the RIGHT thing by your mother today". This coming from him. As CSUE says, our marriage is not the issue now. It's me and the woman that I will be for the rest of my life.

So I did. I called her and it went well. It was a very brief yet wonderful conversation for US, I think. I asked her about her "health situation". She explained. I told her that "I would support her" and that "I love her". I even gave her some sage advice that my GM once gave me about living and dying. She laughed and seemed to feel very uplifted by my call.

Better yet. My OS is bringing a young woman over for a FAMILY DINNER, asking if WE like her, do WE think she's a good choice for him? 2 years ago I would have considered this a dream....

So thanks to all of you who are encouraging me and following me on this journey...

I'm hoping and praying for all of you...that you can find happiness and HAVE FUN...

LEARNIN' AND GROWIN'

Mimi,

I've been thinking about you, (you were the topic in my head during my 3 mile walk today; used to be 2long!).

You probably know this but your fight or flight tendencies are "reactions", truly intended for situations when we're mortally endangered.

Extremely stressful situations bring up the same reaction, yet in not such a helpful way. You've had your whole life of dealing with long term stressful situations by the sound of it - you've been to IC if I recall correctly and have probably learned that fight or flight isn't the way to handle emotionally charged issues.

Instead, from what I've learned and put into practice is that whenever I'm emotionally triggered the sooner I turn the focus on to me, and why that trigger occurred - the better able I am to process the reasons why. It truly has nothing to do with the who or what that caused the trigger; they're just the unfortunate catalyst...the answer is always inside - it's internal, not external; and the sooner I am aware of this the better *I* am, and the less damage I do to the "messenger/trigger person". Make sense?

And congratulations on calling your mother....that took courage.

And how fun your son is bring a girl to dinner! What a scream!!! That is quite a compliment to you and your husband. It takes a really safe home environment for him to be willing to take this step!!! Bravo!!!

Mimi ... mother-daughter conflict is as old as dirt .....Perhaps an anonymousMB reader has been helped/inspired by what you wrote today ... you never know !

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

Here's a good for instance!! MelodyLane misunderstood something I posted, and as a result - it feels like a personal attack to me. I'll post it over here in a minute so you can see what I mean.

So I posted back to her to clarify my post; but it bothers me that she said what she did anyway.

So, I'm going to do an internal investigation to see what she triggered - but I don't feel the need to attack back. I hope she aplogizes to me or clarifies her post to me, if in fact I misunderstood - but if she doesn't that's ok too.

I am not dependent on any action she takes or doesn't take in order for me to be at peace - because my peace is all about me!!

Ok - here's the copy from the other thread. ML has written responding to WAT.

WAT is speaing in this paragraph -
I'm not sure what you mean by "extremist" nut, Mel. I've done some pretty scary things - in hindsight - on a small boat in a big ocean to have fun. Many would reasonably call that "extremist."

But philosophically, no. Some obviously differ with that assertion. Oh well.

Mel is speaking here -

Well WAT, I don't think you, or anyone else, on this thread is a "nut" or an "extremist." I was responding to CSue's assertion. "Extremist" is a very subjective label that has no meaning because it changes from person to person. Your idea of extreme is contingent on your world view, but it might not be the next guy's idea of extreme. One man's "extreme" is another man's norm.

Calling someone an "extremist" or a "nutball" is usually the act of a defensive person who has researched nothing, knows nothing and has nothing better to contribute than ad hominem attacks. [because they have no facts] Hopefully, we can do better than name calling on this very informative thread. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading Mortarman's, your's, 2Long's, BobPure's and dimpsasawa's posts. This is one the best threads I have ever read on this forum.

End of ML's post.

Mimi,

Here's my response to ML -

Mel,

I was referring to this in 2long's previous post!

2long said -

"Sadly, for every one of those "chutneys" and curious taxpayers, there's a few dangerous nutballs out there. I have colleagues who have received death threats for simply refuting the artificial orgin of the so-called "face" on Mars." end of 2long's quote.

Those are the nutballs I was referring to. I didn't call anyone on this thread a nutball. I too am enjoying being a lurker!

My husband has also been on the receiving end of similar nutballs on a different gut-level issue that concerns me. Our home phone and address are never listed publically because of these type of "nutballs"!

Good Morning, Mimi...

I am so proud of you!!! I knew you would do the right thing. What a blessing to your Mom for her to see the daughter you've become!

You mention her health issues. Did you in fact verify she has ovarian cancer?

And...on the OS thing with this young lady. What a compliment it is to you and H that he comes to YA'LL (as we would say here) for an opinion. He respects you as a couple....that is wonderful!!

I didn't see when he is bringing her, has that happened already? Can you share with us what you thought of her, or is that to be kept to yourself?

Congrats, again. I know you are heading the right way, becoming the Provers 31 woman.

IMO...Proverbs 31 woman is the next step beyond GODDESS.

Georgia

I decided to start a LIST OF PERSONAL AFFIRMATIONS for my journal. I obtained these AFFIRMATIONS directly from posts received from you guys. I have not included the names of the posters. You know who you are, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hope others on a PERSONAL RECOVERY JOURNEY might find these affirmations to be helpful.

Dealing with difficult people and difficult issues is not easy or fun but just avoiding them does not give me much opportunity for growth.

Stand your ground and say your say. Don't run and hide just because you feel weird or wounded or angry... Stick it out.

Do an internal investigation to see what is triggered. Don't feel the need to attack back.

I am not dependent on another's actions in order to feel at peace. Peace is all about me.