OK, you guys should mostly know me by now... just flound out 3 days ago that my WH never stopped seeing OW, just escalalted the lies and deceipt!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I found itemized cell phone bills... in March alone about 1100 minutes of contact...this doesn't count all the booty call!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

After reading through two months worth now, I realized how many of these calls (hours a month) were being conducted from the gym. The owners had told me before they would like to see proof if I ever had it. Well now I do.

I called the male owner to let him know what I had found He asked that I drop off copies and put them in OWs hands if I have to! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

NOT that it mattered, I was busy Friday and did not have the chance to sit and print out 40 pages... so I downloaded one pof the files today, could only read it in excel so ssaved it there. I even went throught and itemized the calls between them. I emailed them to the owner.

I got back ablistering email from the female owner (W) who incidentally has been "running the club" from home lately, is mentally unstable and on multiple meds but sounds if she needs more!! She was whining about taking time away from her family and *she* is a victim in all this.

She implied the phone bill I sent was false and I was "stooping to the level" of the OW!!

Now what?!

Do I not have any recourse? I am a member of this gym who has been driven out with my family. Where now?!

I'm not quite clear as to what it is you're asking?

How does this involve the gym, and what recourse is it that you are hoping for, exactly?

Froz

OW works at the gym, WH is a tennant. There is now phone records of hours of calls between them when she was supposed to be working.

After the first d-day I went to the owners to inform them what was happening under their roof. WH still claims no sex happened there, but I do not believe him for one second! Owners basically said "sorry" but allowed her to keep her job (she had only worked there about 6 months at that point) and said they could do nothing without "proof" that something happened at the gym.

Now it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that this A started there and was conducted there a great deal, even if no PA took place there. I *do* know the "first kiss" (GAG) took place at the gym.

PROOF, proof, proof! I have it now and the crazy lady is implying that I made it up!

She wrote back since then talking about her lawyers and saying "we do not advocate adultery"... well if you do not why would you allow it to continue under your roof?!

Well, as for the proprieters of the gym...it kind of sounds as though they were never really willing or eager to take any action in the first place. As far as that goes, you can't really MAKE them do anything about it. It is a shame that more people don't take a firm stand against that sort of thing. I wish they would.

All you can do is inform them.

That crazy lady probably knows good and well you didn't make it up, but acknowledgement of that fact would possibly require some action on her part - something she seems unwilling to do.

I'm sorry I don't have any real answers for you. I wish I did. I personally am of the opinion that people should be terminated for behaving that way in a professional establishment. I'm kind of surprised they didn't can her.

tnt

enough focus on the OW not another second wasted on her......exposure at this time is mute..

the real issues
and the place where you need to focus and get organized is YOU deciding what you are going to do with a husband till neck deep in an affair....

what does he say about this D-day..

has he left
is he staying...

and more importantly what do you want to do about this mess...

plan A
plan B
seperation
divorce...

what are YOU going to do..
not the OW...she is NOT the issue..

you are the issue...

ARK

Well, long story short, I get an email this morning that my club membership has been revoked and I am no longer welcome in their club! Uhhh, wait just a second missy, my membership is included as a condition of my WH's lease which I have helped pay for over a year now. And, oh BTW *I* was not the one who brought this into the gym, they were!!

Any legal smart folks around... I am sure she cannot do this legally, but I am not even sure how to start contesting it... My last email to her was that I ask that she leave me alone, and she will hear nothing more out of me but noooooo, she has to go and up the ante!

Ark... I am in Plan B, but so far having a hard time with it. It was Plan D (already saw an atty) or Plan B (which is a practice Plan B according to Tigs <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> . I have no financial resources at the moment, which is ironic cause I have always paid for everything... can't afford Plan D just yet, so am trying to protect myself with Plan B...

I have delivered to him a list of expectations for re-entry in my heart and life. #1 is leave the gym now and forever. NC with OW... still has met that one.

He has come to MB and posted...twice...he is gunner_0331 on the recovery board. Only time will tell. Still, I am not good at Plan B at all, so I guess practice makes perfect, huh?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Plan A is dead and gone... I feel so much anger. I guess I was being reactive that OW is still at the gym and so is WH... I thought a "family place" would be more proactive than this...

Now what? I do not think she can legally ban me from the gym, and if she is breaking the terms of the lease don't we have a legal recourse?

Why am *I* her target? WTH is up with that?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My unsolicited advice would be to remove yourself from the drama. It is like you are in PLan B, so you can't talk to WH, so you are obesseing about the next "worst" thing, the OW.
It is your life, so not much else for me to say.

Goodluck

LM

You are right, and I intend to let it go tonight in prayer and journaling...

I am in Plan B... letter and all!

There has got to be something illegal there, though! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

So does the gym want t/b known that they 'harbor' OWs and promote A's? Oh yea and kick out BS' without a fair rhyme or reason? Hm.....? If I were a paying client, I would want to know this.

L.

Well at this point my WH did meet w/ the owner today... OW is still employed, I am still banned and WH still has an office there which says

1) He did not tell the owner the WHOLE TRUTH about his A and OWs time spewnt on company time as he said he would

2) He did not defend me as his W... Apparently owner says the "family membership" only applies to people living under the roof as him, and WH agreed that meant I was no longer included!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

3) He did not pack his stuff and leave there cause he wants to do it "right so it is best for his family and he doesn't leave himself w/o work for 3 days a week!"

All this translates to supporting OW and WH needs above W and kid's feelings!! I hate him!!!

Now:

Guys, please pray for my family...just when I thought I could not hate my WH more.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Sorry, trying to type w/o crying...

I just took over an hour to put three kids to bed and I feel as if I will die and the Earth will swallow me, or maybe I wish it would...

DD13 keeps defending her Daddy: "but he says he is sorry" or "he says he is done with her..."...<anger> and then the tears and "I miss him"... <heartbreak>

I miss him too, but not the WH, the foggy man who still haunts my life, but my husband, the man I fell in love with <as the tears roll>

DS suddenly cannot sleep in his bed, wants to sleep on my floor... I let them do that last night cause it was storming, but I cannot do it everynight. It will set a presedence. Plus, I need some time for myself to cry and scream, pray and think. I cannot do this wiht them everynight... I have been very lax, letting them sleep in the living room or on my floor, in my bed... but sometimes I gotta say no.

He insists he cannot sleep on his bed, so I say "fine, sleep on your floor"... he says he can't, too much stuff...well then clean it up! He is my little slob, alot like his Daddy but I love him heart and soul regardless! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Then he says, "you don't understand...I AM LONELY!" OMG I thought I was going to cry a river, cause he is breaking my heart and I *DO* uunderstand, and I told him that! I explained that he can do this, and so can I.

--side note, girls recently moved into one room and he is jealous he has no little brother and no one to share a room with, but what can I do?--

DD4 fought going up to bed, starting crying "but I want my Daddy"!!! <have I any heart left to shred?> I said "I am sorry but he is not here, and you are just going to have to understand"

I spent time with each of them on different levels telling them I loved them and it was going to be ok.

DD13 got mad and told me I'd say that before. I reminded her I said it was going to be different, but we would be ok! I told her she awoke this morning in a cool house with food and water and almost everything she could want... and WH came too (which was good, cause someone turned off my alarm & I had to leave!)

I told her that she needs to let us worry about this and then turn the rest over to the Lord...

DS will never really vocalize much... he is "tough" and afraid to hurt me (and Daddy)... after I started crying at the "lonely" comment he asked if *I* was ok?! My sweet little man, I keep telling him to stop carrying things he isn't meant to and to leave the adult problems to the adults... guess he is alot like me too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Babygirl got the quivering lip when I tried to tell her that Jesus was her father too and he is always here... it is the "I am trying to be brave" look...:'(

I do not feel like I am equipped to handle this... and yet I have to. These are my children, my blessings, my world... and that SOB has hurt us all so much... how can I ever forgive that? How can I possibly move beyond this pain?

I cannot stand when I feel the darkness start to overpower me!! I want to drive up there and rip his heart out like I feel he has done to us....

Tnt,

It breaks my heart to hear how much you and the children are suffering. Even though they are young, don't make excuses for their dad's absence. If they ask a good question, acknowledge it as such and direct them to their dad. Let him feel your pain and theirs.

Hugz,
L.

how about recording it all and mailing it to him to listen to....let him "be there" even though he isnt. let him feel it

These stupid WH don't have a clue what they are putting our kids through. If yours is anything like mine, he thinks that what he does only affects him and me. And the kids will be j-u-s-t fine.

I don't know your whole story but I think maybe some of the problem is that your kids are getting mixed messages. Is their dad home or not? Do you have a relationship or not? Personally, I had to stop protecting my kids. They needed to know where their dad was and a rough idea of what he was doing. I wasn't going to cover up anymore. If he is having so much contact with OW, maybe he needs to be out of the house. Your kids are feeling the ambiguousness of it. Set up definite visitation times. Set boundaries.

Please stop thinking about the gym. Don't waste your time and energy. Obviously, a bunch of enabling jerks work there. Maybe you should park your car across the street with a sign that says "Warning, the employees of XYZ Gym are out to seduce your spouse!"

As for your DS, I feel for him. My DD has been sleeping with me since WH left. Maybe you can figure out a deal where he can sleep on the floor with his sisters. It's good for the 3 of them to feel that can get comfort from each other. 13 is a hard age but perhaps she can spare some time for her brother. Let's hope she doesn't get to the same stage as my DD11. She's been "burned" so many times by her dad that she loathes him now.

Thanks guys...

This morning he accused me of using the kids to hurt him when I was trying to explain to him how awful it was last night... I also was telling him that I have to limit the contact and such...at this point was pretty much giving him unrestricted access to them, picking htem up and dropping off, etc...

He cannot do it Friday evening (work) and Saturdya he is working most of the day too... I said he could have them Sat morning.

I am trying to regain some sense of normalcy in their lives without allowing this false sense that "all is well" that I have allowed for too long!

GG, super long story short: I am like 2long where I am on d-day like 412... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> 2nd A, 2nd OW... supposedly he "broke up" with her and we were "healing" full force with SF, dates, gifts, MC IC and more for the last 4 months or so only to find out that he has been effing us both for the last 4 months and having all he can with the cake eating!!! He did not move home cause it wasn't time yet.....<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Translation: need to keep my rat hole room in the trailer so I can f*** my girlfriend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

So all this time he has been in our home every morning and every evening, reaping the benefits of M plus having his little "bachelor pad" GAG!

I just want to restore a rhythm and help them to realize that things really must change. No longer can Daddy be here everyday, it is simply not htey way anymore and it wasn't my first (or 10TH!) choice!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

And I am just so furious that *I* (as always) have to be the one is responsible for it all... not that I do not want the repsonsibility of my children, I would crawl through broken glass and swim in alcohol to protect them from this.... but WH has always left the "hard stuff" tome. Finanaces, calling bill collectors, disappointing people, etc. I have been cleaning his messes for years!!!