Yesterday H and I went out to eat and he mentioned he was going to OW's cousins b day party.(His best friend). I start acting pissy and all the sudden he snaps. he tells me he called ow 2 days ago supposedly to see what we talked about on april 8th when we met up and confronted him. He looks at me with so much anger and hatred when he starts to yell at me "why did you do that stupid s#$%?! you just made yourself look dumb and she told me you told her you've been cheating on me left and right since i left you!!!" I tried to defend myself but he kept screaming at me, he says she told him to never call her again and to f off. I asked how could he believe a whore over me and he said who knows what you would do when your hurt!!! I didnt touch any of my food and just sat there with tears running down my face. He said i need to grow up and stop being so childish. we got home and i tried to question him about the call and how could he do that and i got so much hate and vitriole spit at me i cant even write about itit ended up with me walking out the door at 4 am and leaving to my mothers. I didnt make it over there i called him back and i said last chance to admit your wrong and to apologize for what you did and he did and said he was scared of losing me so like a fool i came back.

Today his other DD from a previous relationship came to visit and he was going to take them with him to the b day party as of course i wasnt invited. I asked dd to keep an eye on things for me as ow was going to be there.(can anyone say mistake #1?) H and i were laying down and he gets a call on his cell. He accuses me of calling ow and threatening her. I said how did i do that when ive been right next to you the whole day? I thought ow was lying. i went to get my cell phone to show him and there was a call from ow on it i said wtf? she called ME! i went to dial the phone to check my VM and H grabbed my arm and tried to wrest my phone from my hand. i said let go of me! im trying to check my vm! it was a message from her telling me "im not [censored] your H i dont want anything to do with your H tell your kid to quit calling me!" So it was DD and h's DD. He gets all upset and yells at DD "why are you bothering that girl!!!" leave her alone!! and he takes dd's cell away and takes his other dd home. i leave for the southside and drop off dd by my moms and come back to get some things. H calls me and tells me that ow was drunk damn i have to go hes here ill write more later.

U and the children do not have to put up with his anger. Either he leaves or you call the police and say that you are in afraid of his anger.

This is not t/b treated lightly. HIs own guilt is causing him to take it out on you and the children. The OW is a pisshead and probably loves the drama she is creating. Don't give her the satisfaction, just have the WS removed. He is a WS as long as he is in this frame of mind.

Be safe.

L.

Okay now where was I? on the way to the south side i asked dd did she speak to ow? she said yes that she told her my h keeps calling her and saying he doesnt want to lose her and he loves her and to tell me to tell him to quit calling her. I tell h what she said and he said he already told me when he called her that she was drunk and just talking s#$% cause shes hurt. he then told me he didnt want to deal with everthing and hung up on me.i called back and no answer so i checked his vm and there was one from ow slurring her words saying tell your bitches to quit calling me you f-in ho p!@#$!!!. so on my way back here i tell him to get ready to move me out as im having a nervous breakdown, i cant take anymore, i just want peace in my life not all this drama. he says fine whatever, and hangs up. while im here he calls back to tell me he called ow's sister and asked her why the hell did she tell our dd that, he didnt say anything remotely like that, and that her sister told him "she's drunk, she's probably thinking of what you did to her and she's trying to make you and your wife as miserable as possible." ows relatives then call up h to tell him that she's causing a big scene at the party, screaming into the phone and she's drunk off her azz. he tells me to take a ride with him to the party to drop off the gift and i didnt want to get out of the car, im so humiliated because it looks to her like i put a 13 year old and 14 to do my dirty work. she wasnt there i guess and the hostess said to h why didnt i come in and whatnot. H is being so nice it makes me want to puke. he's being nice and acting like nothing happened while im sitting here staring into space and feeling like i got hit by a truck. i havent slept in 2 days, and i cant eat. why when i show him my pain he gets angry? he said yesterday he just wants me to be the person i used to be and that person is broken. i feel like im crippled and cant walk and hes telling me to get up and run.i was doing really well and coming out of my depression and wham! here we go againi also told him he started all this by calling her not me and he said he knows, hes sorry.also, i know ow was lying when she told him that bs about me, is it possible she was lying when she said he calls her everyday? i am so sick.

Shelly,

The OW thrives on drama. The WS is boring for her and she wants fresh blood. You are the next victim.

Remove yourself from the drama. Let the WS face it alone.

L.

Shelly. He should not be treating you the way he is.

Don't worry about what other people think. Hold your head high, make the right decision and do it. Those two girls are watching how you handle it.

If she's harassing you and your husband. Time for a restraining order. Let your H get it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Change your phone number. Heck if the "South Side" is Chicago, will send over "Guido the Killer Pimp" to take care of things! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> (That's a joke Gimble)

You do not need to be in the middle of OW and FWH. It's your husband's job to protect you from that. Give me his phone number if he needs someone to explain it to him.

If your husband's anger control is a problem, tell him he needs to dial it down. Those young girls are watching.

If your husband says she's lying, let him prove it to you. He should jump at the chance. Just check his phone records.



You tell him calmly or through tears that you need his help. "If I tell you I'm hurting, I don't need to be berated for it. If you want the person back that I was, I need your help and protection.

You'll be OK. Deep breaths.

Blessed are you shelly to have children in your life
nothing pulls us out of a slump better than children that need protecting...

time for some major damage control
time for some serious hard set goals and boundaries..
they will ground you and keep you focused...

damage control..

gather the children to you (even better if both are present)
and apoligize to them for them feeling like they needed to get involved in such grown up stupid stuff...

thank them for the courage it took but make it clear that from this moment forward they will never have a need for them to contact this OW again...or exposed to this type of craziness again...

apologize for your mistake in asking the one DD to keep an eye on things...and tell her you will never do that again..
that it was wrong of you and that children are not expected to do any such thing...and that you are sorry and it will not happen again...

time for the children to have the real truth about what is going on and what is going to happen...

children want more than anything to be told the truth...and they fear most what is going to change in their lives...
tell them that change is that they are going to go back being children only....and only deal with fun silly messy crazy kid stuff from this moment on....

tell them that you will be honest with them..and make it so...

BOUNDARIES

set the following boundaries for yourself...

1. you will never ever again ask your spouse for an apology this is an exercise in futility...either your spouse will value the words I am sorry in both word or action or he won't..
expecting or demanding an apology never works...for any of us..and it has no value when it is thrust upon others...
we all make this mistake..so don't beat yourself up..better to dust yourself off and do it no more...

get them you husband new cell phones and give out NO numbers

2. you will stop all yelling

3. no more contact with the OW ever again amen

4. this other woman is garbage and she gets not one more ounce of your energy or time.....

5. sanctify your home...get it in order..decrease chaos make it a loving peaceful place.

6. do not engage husband in any power struggling
do not discuss any relationship issues....

get focused
get showered
get dressed
get something to eat
get some sun light......

and get your house in order...
you can't go belly up now...
too many people believe in you and your ability to rise above...

sleepless saidYou tell him calmly or through tears that you need his help. "If I tell you I'm hurting, I don't need to be berated for it. If you want the person back that I was, I need your help and protection.

pearls of wisdom...
heed these words...
they will serve you well

ARK

Sleepless, in 30 years of living in Chicago, I have never met anyone named "guido" or any pimps <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> ( small attempt at humor) Thank you guys for your support and advice. I only just managed to make it out of bed and im going back to it as soon as im done. I feel so guilty for causing this mess and telling my dd anything, i cant believe how dumb i acted. Ark, your words are always so calming to me, I had that talk with my dd and dds yesterday and i hope they understand and dont ever do anything like that again. this morning i got breakfast in bed from H that i didnt want as i still wasnt hungry but ate anyway so as not to cause another scene. im tired right now im going back to bed, ill check back on my thread later. Thanx.

Shelly,

{{{hugz}}} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Thank you Orchid. Same old thing today, I just dont wanna get out of bed.

Shelly- I am home now at the number I gave you. please feel free to call me. sorry I missed you earlier- as I had to go back to daycare because I forgot my youngest blanket and was just not up for a night with out it. I do not THINK I am going anywhere tonight so anytime is fine. If I have not heard from you by 7 I will give you a call.