Hello all!!<P>I wanted to jump in here because I need your opinions on a few ideas that have been bouncing around for quite a while.<P>Question 1:<P>I want to separate this section of the forum (Infidelity) and break it down into a number of different subcategories. Should I?<P> a. Yes<BR> b. No<P>(If yes, proceed to Question 2. If no, please explain why.)<P>Question 2:<P>How many subcategories should there be?<P>Question 3:<P>What should the subcategories be?<P>I expect this thread to get pretty long. So, please keep your responses brief.<P>BTW, to all who cringe when the "Editor" of a publication misses a few words, please accept my sincere apologies. I've counted three (so far) that got away from me in the last newsletter. I'd fire my Proofreader, but I think that would be a Love Buster <P>Thank you for your comments.<P>Steve

How about these:<P>1) Your spouse is having an affair<P>2) You are married and you are having an affair<P>3) You suspect your spouse is having an affair<P>4) You are in recovery<P>

I would make one category: "venting"<P>Perhaps break them into the various stages of recovery....along with a category for "old timers" to stay in touch.<BR>Just my two cents!

I agree with D & C...<P>Just don't separate into betrayed and betrayers... we already have too much separation!!<P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

I personally like it the way it is. I think it's beneficial to here all sides. It really helps to put yourself in someone elses shoes and get a different point of view.

Steve,<P>I was wondering about your editorial skills---I caught a couple. <P>I think that you should probably leave this forum as it is---I'd worry that breaking it up would also break the participants into clicques, and there would be less cross-talk.<P>If you do decide to break it up, I'd suggest categories such as:<P>Suspect or dealing with an Active affair (from either side)<P>Recovery issues<P>Successes

Oh Please.....<P>Keep it the way it is!!!<P>There's a lot to learn from every phase and from both sides!!<P>A little bit of tension with each other is beneficial......helps to practice not lovebusting!!!!<P>If people only want to read about certain phases or mindsets then they can peruse and choose which threads would suit their needs....they don't have to read them all!!<P>Thank you for creating this place for us!! May God Bless you!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

<BR>I agree with K that if you are going to break it up please have BROAD categories but would definitely like a "sucess" category.<BR> LU<BR>PS. Do you read this forum?

I prefer to keep it the way it is. From my perspective, I'm dealing with the early stages of my W's affair. I'm afraid if the forum is split, all of the successful couples wouldn't visit us who are still reeling from discovery...and wouldn't be in a postion to offer their "infidelity veteran" advice.

I don't think it should change Steve. The other responses have probably done a better job of explaining better than I can, but I think we can all benefit from the advice of others who have "been there." If we were seperated, we may not have that advantage.<P>God Bless

Granted, there are a very large number of posts, but I agree & think it should stay the way it is. It's good to see what people at diferent stages are doing & I think as K does, probably not enough crosstalk.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Nonpulsed,<P>I think your message was cut off when I was doing an edit. I didn't think anyone would have "appreciated" my comment. Little did I know… Please repost.<P>Lu,<P>Not a much as I'd like to. The Moderators keep me informed, though.<BR>

No. <P>Because the dialogue between the recovering and the suspicious is fantastic. There is a hope lent to one another, for the recovering, because it is an awareness of how far they have come. It is a two way street. <P>I have peeked into Vaughn-Vaughn's site, and I believe the categories are going to leave too many crippled people in the same boat. A support group is much better if it has diversity.<P>The improvement that I can see that may be needed, at this time, is perhaps in the moderating department. If there is a complaint, it would be nice to have an easy way to report it.<P>We did have a poster recently that a moderator could have disciplined, and made our time here on the board more productive. <P>I also want to take this opportunity to THANK MARRIAGE BUILDERS for letting this fantastic group of caring people have a place to cyber congregate. It has helped me through some of the toughest times in my life.<P>Thank you, Marriage Builders <BR>TNT

I think it should stay the way it is.<BR>Many people have limited time and only stop in to check on someone. Would they do this if people were spread cross several forums.<BR>This way it is easier to help others in all stages.<BR>Subtopics seem a little like segregation. <BR>The recovery idea is a little gray because some of us bounce back in and out of the stages. Would we have to bounce around the forums? It's sometimes hard to know for sure if it really is recovery.

Ditto...... I think it should stay the same. When I'm feeling down or hopeless I'll come across a success story and have some hope again <P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

I agree with the others. If you must break it up, do it by stages (ie, 'suspecting', 'recovering') and not by roles ('betrayer', 'betrayed'). <P>I've spent some time on vaughn-vaughn's new site (not much traffic there) and I find the categories very constraining. For example, a betrayer wanted to know how to deal with his wife. As a betrayed, wife, I felt I could lend him some advice, but wasn't 'allowed' to respond on that thread. <P>There is so much traffic here I find it hard to keep up sometimes. But this is a wonderful forum for many people. If it ain't broke, don't fix it! <P>It might be helpful to have a 'read-only' thread where the moderator could cut and paste particularly useful items. The same issues come up over and over again, and this gives a place to point the newcomers for some general tips (ie, book reviews, etc.) Forum members can nominate an item for inclusion to the moderator. <P>A thread for success stories would be great! Not necessarily for discussion, but just a place to go read all the success stories. We never tire of them!

Dear Steve: I would like it to stay the same as it is now. I try and get to the site once a day, just to check up on how everyone is doing. It feels like all the posters are my friends, and I have been able to talk to them about things, that I couldn't talk about to anyone else. Thank you for making this site available, and I am only sorry I didn't find you a year earlier than I did. I had no idea that there were others out there going through the same pain and depression that I was. The day I found your site, I had been browsing the internet, looking for direction to get up the courage to leave my husband, and our marriage of 34 years. It was a miracle I found you, and because of the friendship and guidance I found here, my husband and I will be happily celebrating our 35th. anniversary, next month. We still have a long way to go, but I have faith that we will have another 35 years together. Thank you again.<P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

No changes please!! There are a lot of posts and variety, but it is beneficial this way. Thanks!!

Well, Steve, I like MB pretty much the way it is, but I like K's suggestions.<P>And, while I'm here, I want to thank all of you at MB so much for this site. It's the only way I've managed to stay half-way sane this past year. My H and I still have some major hurdles to overcome (because I don't think he's told me ALL the truth), but I'm sure that this board will help me to deal with the situation.

Steve,<BR> My vote is leave it be, why fix it if it isn't broken ? My h and I both have found help and comfort here. <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>