Well, what a day.

Working on the house, but we needed 2 send a file off my W's computer 2 a friend of hers. She emailed something (we had 2 search for the file and came back just a bit ago and ac2ally mailed it), then went downstairs.

She left IE open, just closed the window, so I called it back up again before it timed out.

Nothing from RM in her inbox, but 2 messages 2 him in her sent folder. She must purge that from time 2 time, because only the 2 were in there.

First was April 25, asking him if he'd thought about coming out and meeting her at her out of state property, that she wanted 2 see him. She didn't say anything about the date, but it was Mother's Day weekend that she and I went. When she sent the email, she didn't know I was interested in going, and had been telling me prior that I didn't need 2 go. The 2nd email was 2 days later, telling him she was waiting for a reply...

Dubya Tee Eff?

This afternoon, after she sent the file, she wanted 2 shut her computer down, but I was installing some security updates from Apple, so I said I would. And so I checked, and she'd already deleted the messages in the sent folder.

Gotta go, there's dinner.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

2Long, am very sorry to hear this. Have you said anything to her yet?

I am so sorry 2long. Sure wish this wasn't happening to you, again.

She continues to do this because she can...she gets by with it.

You know and I know that there are plenty more emails that you just haven't seen.

You avoid conflict.
It is not helping the situation.
Life is too short to live like this.

I would have printed the emails out, confronted her and asked her to pack her bags right then.

Susan

Susan is right, 2Long.

2 long, I agree... after my umpteenth d-day and the realization I was allowing myself to be used by this man who was screwing us both....<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Yes it hurts, but sooner or later you have to say "I am worth more than this" and stand up and walk away!!

2L,

I am sickened on your behalf...and I am speechless.

2long, I'm so very sorry. Are you ready to confront her?

GC

2Long,

Check in with us and let us know how you're doing.

This only confirms what you have felt in your gut for a few months now.

I agree that printing out the e-mails would have been a good idea and asking her to pack and leave. If there was ever a time for plan B...it is now, but she is the one who should leave.

2long, I'm sorry and angry.

What are you going to do?

Sorry 2long <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

You've suspected ongoing contact for a long while. How do you feel about getting proof of it? Are you glad to have the proof or would you rather not have it?

I'm so sorry 2long, we all hope we will find nothing when we look. But finding nothing didn't really ease your mind either, did it? This blows.

Oh, 2long, I am so very sorry.

I can't say anything more here that hasn't already been said, but please know we all love and support you, and wish like hell you didn't have to go through this crap again.

Please check in with us and let us know how you are.

~ StillLovingHim

Well, she's been sweet all the rest of the day.

I think she suspected I might have seen it, but since I haven't confronted her yet, she things I must not have seen the messages.

She did go through her inbox (where I had already verified there were no messages from RM, anymore that is) and deleted a bunch of old mail.

Part of me wants 2 lash out at both of them, but I know that's not right. I did note that he must have not responded 2 her first email, at least not right away, hence the 2nd one where she said she was waiting for a reply. It was after that she asked for SF again. ...oh, I just realized my post about that didn't get in the thread.

We hadn't had SF since January, because she said I coerce her for it. Then, the weekend before we went out of state... ...hm, that would have been Sa2rday the 30th, 5 days after the first email 2 him asking him 2 meet her there, she asked me if I'd be okay with some "bandaid SF". I said, sure, so long as she doesn't think I'm coercing her. So, we did, then again Sunday, then again once last weekend while there.

So, I do wonder if he's 2rned her down and she's trying 2 wake up.

Mostly? I'm just numb. Definitely don't want 2 keep living like this. It's been 40 months since d-day in a few days now.

Hope4future is right: If the WS doesn't give up the OP on d-day, they'll do everything they can 2 keep them in the pic2re, ALWAYS.

-ol' 2long

2long, why go on wondering when you can ask?

GC

"You know, wishing won't make it so
Hoping won't do it, praying won't do it
Religion won't do it, philosophy won't do it
The supreme court won't do it,
the president and the congress won't do it
The UN won't do it, the H-bomb won't do it,
the sun and the moon won't do it
And God won't do it,
and I certainly won't do it
That leaves you, you'll have to do it
I know that you've been wondering
if I'm the same man inside
Never tried to fool you
'cause I've got nothing to hide
I gave you fair warning I could never be tied down
'Til I've seen paradise with my very own eyes
Love owns us all, Time owns us all, Life owns us all
But the world doesn't own me
I'd rather live by a dream than live by a lie"

Fair Warning,
Todd Rundgren.

Definitely don't want 2 keep living like this. It's been 40 months since d-day in a few days now.

So why do you choose to live like this then,friend ?

40 months is long enough to realise your W can't or won't change spontaneously.

Your finger is over the button mate. Your choice how you live.

All blessings.

My dear 2L,

Another d/d? Sorry to hear. Glad you waited for the confrontation but you realize it needs t/d done. Ok, now when?

take care,
L.

Sadly, you've been here LONG enough and have given out enough advice 2 KNOW what Needs 2 be done.

Unfortunately, Your going 2 continue 2 Live like this, UNTIL you decide 2 change the dynamics and DO something different.

Yes, I know, easy 2 say .......harder 2 Follow through with.

However, Its been (by your count) 40 months!
Good Grief.

The evidence proves your W is FINE with How things currently stand (and has been for ages).

On the other hand:
YOUR the one claiming you want Change.

Guess your actions 2 come will determine exactly How Badly, your desire 2 accomplish that goal really is.

Wishing you success in reaching your Goal and thereby getting 2 the life and M you deserve.

2Long -

I am so sorry. It is strange that your sitch is so much like mine in so many ways. I will just say that I think I allowed myself to used for too long (no pun), and you've got to decide what action you will take for YOURSELF, for your own sanity.

Every person is different, but you know how my WW responded when forced with a choice. It doesn't always turn out the way you hope for, but it sure beats living with a WW that you know is doing this to you.

Sooner or later, conflict is inevitable.

I will pray for you.

Georgia