2long,
Let God be my witness; I wish more then almost anything I can think to want at the moment, that I didn’t have such a clear image in my heart and mind as the where you are, what you’re feeling and where this may end up taking you.

The pain I’m feeling right now is almost perverse in nature. As if it’s happening to me all over again! I want so badly to ignore this site and your situation…to make believe it’s just the residue of bad memories of bad times and just not come back…but I can’t ignore it. I’m driven to keep coming back to read and almost re-live my own life in yours,…as if I’m paying my final penance for that time that came before, when in my ignorance….no make that cowardice,…I turned away from the truth.

That time when I refused to accept what I knew was reality and instead found ways to make believe it would all go away with out me having to confront it, take action or accept ownership of what had become my life. How was it that I could have allowed myself to be treated with such disrespect? How could I have allowed my self to robbed of my dignity? How, how how?

My therapist calls it called *Denial*…such a neat simple word…almost trite…yet one whose meaning is fraught with such draconian consequences.

Others reading this post may well wonder; is this man neurotic or perhaps a voyeur or is he a masochist taking pleasure from reliving the thrill of his own pain in the pain of another? And of course people are free to believe what ever they choose…all I know is that I can’t turn away from this board, from these people, from their pain, from your pain but most important from my own pain. Not again. Not ever again! And if I have to face it, then I thank God that now at least, I have others who will face it with me.

How blessed are we all…?
Coach

Coach - your words are beautiful.

Thank you.

Coach:

And while my W seems "so close" 2 making the next hurdle - pinching off Rat Meat - it's a huge hurdle at the moment (the elephant metaphor isn't a coinkydink. I'm sure we'd use Brachiosaurs if they were alive 2day - or Blue Whales if they lived on land).

And though I can see what lies beyond (more hurdles, more work), she can't.

-ol' 2long

2long:
Are you doing as well as you sound? (which is really good.)

Or are you faking it?

SS

Well, SS (please bear with me here, I'm using my "palm" and I find that not all the characters show up):

For the most part, I feel okay. Not surprisingly, my W has reverted back 2 her former self. We're in separate rooms, but "life" is just like it was last year at about this time.

I've taken some time alone to find "personal peace" (best way I can think 2 describe it). Yes2rday, it was in my shop or in my garage. Been thinking about which of my scopes 2 take with me next weekend. 2day, it was cleaning the one I won the award for in 1981. I decided 2 take it.

But I've been rather sad 2day. My D didn' t think she and her H would come, because camping is $45 per person. We haven't ...

going 2 post. be right back

The thing beeped!

I wasn't sure I wouldn't lose stuff, so I posted.

Anyway, I've been sad because I didn't think my D and her H would go after talking about it for so long. So I offered 2 pay their fees if they want 2 go. They're cogitating.

But that isn't enough. If my W goes, I feel like a heel in a way because I'm going 2 file soon and not go 2 her OOSP if she doesn't pinch off a particular 2rd that brought me here 3.3 years ago.

But I know that's what I'll have 2 do. I told MIL about the continued contact, but I haven't had a chance 2 tell my D.

-ol' 2long

You are brave - I don't think I could bring my self to post from a palm.


But that isn't enough. If my W goes, I feel like a heel in a way because I'm going 2 file soon and not go 2 her OOSP if she doesn't pinch off a particular 2rd that brought me here 3.3 years ago.

Why would you feel bad - you told her you wouldn't stay married if she won't do NC. It's not like you are going to surprise her.


I remember last year, you went and had a good time. I hope you do this year too.

SS

WAT, SS:

You've got mail.

-ol' 2long

Hello,

I finally had a chance to read everyone’s replies to my posts.

I've not been anywhere near computers all weekend and will be away again until Friday.

I think I will create a new thread, later, to explore the thought provoking postings to me. That way, 2Long can have more elbow room in his thread (and I can ramble on and on).

Appy:

Feel free 2 ramble here if you wish!

It got quiet for a while.

-ol' 2long

Well, I have nothing to say, but I don't like the quiet either.

If you're bored, 2long, you could dig up my thread and post on it.

App is welcome too. Really. Nobody goes there anymore since I said I was leaving MB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

-AD

I heard it gets quiet just before something big happens.

Hope it's not an earthquake.

SS

I LOVE earthquakes!

Well, so long as they don't hurt anybody or break anything.

-ol' 2long

OK, I can go along with that.

I can take a good scare if you can.

SS

Hey SS.

Is Landscape Arch still standing? Last time I was there, they had signs up saying that it would be a felony not 2 report anything unusual - like cracking sounds - 2 the rangers.

First time I was there was about 34 years ago, and I've been back a few times over the years. There clearly have been new cracks and big chunks have spalled off the arch.

I hope they have a camera 2 record changes if they occur.

It would be sad 2 lose such an amazing and beautiful sandstone span. But that's how it formed 2 begin with, after all! Rocks falling!

-ol' 2long

2L,

Is this a geologist "thingy"? -

I LOVE earthquakes!

Well, so long as they don't hurt anybody or break anything.

-ol' 2long

Almost made my eyes pop out of my head!!!

W and I went to arches 3 or 4 years ago, and it was still there then. I know it lost some stone 2 or three times in the 90's, and they closed the trail that went under it. One of the times a tourist got it on video, but I am not sure about the others.

It is a pretty place, I like arches, and goblin valley, and lots of stuff in the east, but I can show you some closer to here - like tuweep. Maybe YOU have been there, but most people haven't.

You leaving Thurs, or Friday?

SS

CSue:

http://www.naturalarches.org/big9-1.htm

Good 2 hear from you, though. Hope you're busy not being here, and that's why you've not been here!

I don't think I've been 2 2weep before. Been 2 a lot of red rocks out there, though.

Goblin Valley was in Galaxy Quest. Best line in the whole movie was when Tim Allen's crew tried 2 help him fight off the rock monster by saying "See if there's anything there that you can use 2 make a lathe!" ...you've got 2 remember the old Star Trek's 2 appreciate that one.

I could leave Thursday evening, but I'd have 2 camp in line on a very dusty dirt road. They don't allow early arrivals at the camp. So, I'll likely leave Friday morning and come back Monday morning.

It's weird. I've thought about bringing a BUNCH of my scopes and optical stuff and selling it all off. Maybe even my PC (particularly now that I'm doing most of the stuff on my Mac now). Anybody want a 2-yr old HP laptop for a few hundred bucks?:D

-ol' 2long

2L,

Thanks for the pic!!! We're actually thinking of possibly heading through Utah, (maybe Moab?) on the way to California on Vacation.

I've been stewing over your thread to some degree - your situation has been on my mind!!

Folks:

I've fixed **edit** (though I had downloaded all the email from the server, it left it there anyway. So, I just deleted it and it's working fine again!).

-ol' 2long