Well, it's CHRISTMAS in JUNE!

I had all kinds of things I had wanted 2 do when I got home 2day, but the simple truth is I've just been 2 tired from a busy day and got a tad lazy when I got home.

So here I am, just feet away from my scope, but I didn't even bother to open the roof hatch 2 gee whiz with it. ...it won't wear out that way, though!

It's peaceful here 2night.

-ol' 2long

my W has continued 2 "put the drink in front of the alcoholic (her) 2 see if she has the willpower 2 resist drinking it

A classic mistake for people with a problem, thinking they haven't really conquered it unless it's in front of them, smiling at them, saying, "C'mon, drink me." Classic mistake, believing you should, from the beginning, continually verify that you are "cured".

2long... I had a conversation with another MBer tonight about this: by not being a plan B person, you subject yourself to the high-frequency ups and downs, hopes and broken hopes, that come with the shifting moods of a wayward spouse. This morning, hope. Continued interest in the house, hope. Telling you how you need to be in order for it to work, negative. Not because it isn't valid, but because it shows that she does not have the sort of contrition needed to buttress her patience and compassion.

That's why it's smart for you to stay determined to follow through, and not to gobble up the little scraps she may toss your way. Those little rewards... the minimum required to keep you from going away.

If she doesn't want to lose you, she should have the most generous limits imaginable. Which is to say, if a little squabble or rough patch will be enough to send her emailing to RM, then she is not equipped.

You have an enormous capacity to absorb her lack of committment, but it's no way to spend the rest of your life.

I'm rambling; too sleepy for midnight on Friday. It isn't right. I should be out.

If you ever come to MN, I hope you stop by to see my shabby little bungalow.

GC

2long, earlier this week the POTUS exchanged "dissembling" and "dissassembling". Surely "titless" and "titleless" are equally interchangeable.

gc

gc:

Correct.

I lost my W 14 years ago, only didn't know it really until 3.5 years ago. Been trying 2 "woo her back" all this time, and have 2 acknowledge, finally, that I know of NO ONE who has succeeded in doing that without a plan B separation of some sort.

I'm not even sure I believe it's possible for someone in the fog for so long 2 come out of it and recommit 2 their M. But I DO know of people with "worse" WS fogs who have. Not without separation, though.

-ol' 2long

2Long,

For all the talk about boundaries that is often thrown here and on other boards, there is very little talk about enforcing them especially if it means to divorce the WS spouse. Granted that the name Marriage Builders says it all but even the most hardcore pro-marriage person realizes that not all marriages can be saved. Except for exit affairs, we've already been witnesses countless times that if the BS doesn't have the emotional fortitude to walk away from the marriage, then the WS has no incentive to do some very serious soul searching and will just continue with his/her selfish behavior unabated. In closing, IF the BS has given the WS more than enough time to end all contact with the OP forever and the WS still refuses, then divorce it must be.

TMCM

2MCM:

That is so true.

Emotional 4ti2de. I'm measuring mine right now. It's a heavy decision, and I keep asking myself that Question: Have I done all I can?

I'm not quite sure I can say "yes" yet. I haven't done plan B, and I still am not certain I'd care if I did. In a way, I am using this month apart as a test of my 4ti2de as much as it is for her 2 cogitate, assuming she will (and I'm not a big fan of assumptions).

Thanks,
-ol' 2long

2Long,

Only YOU have the whole picture of what your situation truly is but keep in mind that your fear of not having done everything in your power to save/rebuild your marriage will not help you one bit. After all, it's not like you are a newbie who just found out yesterday about your W's affair and is knee jerk reacting to it by wanting to divorce her.

Plan B may or may not work for you but you won't know for sure until you implement it. But consider that one of the advantages of Plan B's NC with the WS is that not only will it give your W a taste of what life will look like after you two get divorced but it will also help you in the emotional fortitude department as well. It will clearly establish once and for all the deal breaker conditions necessary for you to want to continue being married to her with no more settling for the scraps she throws at you in order to keep you with her. And if and when you finally make the decision to divorce her, you will have no doubts as to the wisdom to do so. Now granted that you may also be able to get to this point without Plan B but WITH Plan B it sure as heck becomes a much more effective experience with no fears for what path you choose to take. The decision of course is yours.

TMCM

2mcm:

Indeed, one month may be all the time *I* need 2 make that decision.

-ol' 2long

I guess I'm just not "interesting" these days.

I had 2 help with some stuff in the apartment - hanging pic2res and [censored] - so I told my DD that we'll have 2 have a difficult 2long-R talk at some point soon.

The ball must be kept rolling.

-ol '2long

2Long,


I still find you "interesting". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I'm not sure if that's what you had in mind.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

You're a great guy. That's clear for all to see.

(unless you chew tobaco or something disgusting like that, and haven't told us about it.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

-AD

Are there any more of these little thingies? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Well I'll be damned, someone else besides me also noticed this. This is a BIG problem IMHO that WE don't address enough here on this message board. There is way too much "lip service" paid to making boundaries. Yet the same old B$ stepford answers are adviced to be given like "it hurts me when you cheat on me with the OW/OM" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> . What you say TMCM is correct. We as Betrayed Spouses do too much "boundary shifting" as to not "rock the boat" to keep our WS in our lifes. I think TOO OFTEN here, WE use the excuses of "saving the marriage" for allowing our personal intergity, dignity and BOUNDARIES to be trampled upon. Just like a poster stated today in some completely and utterly ridiculous notion of "saving her marriage" whereby she drove a thousand miles to pick up her WH ,who just quit his f-ing job no less, so that he could essentially see the OW. Yet, somehow, someway, she belives that this is what she has to do to save her marriage. She could not "control herself" as she put it. Who is promoting this B$. I hope and pray that people don't misinterpret the good intentions here on this message board to do this kind of stuff. It is insane.

Yes, I can hear <<<people>>>> right now screaming "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married"...LOL....whatever. Good point that you bring up nonetheless.

LM

Edited to remove the word "zealots" as it might be seen as offensive and that is not in the spirit of what my post was intended to be.

Hi AD:

Sorry, I'm just in a mood.

My W just called. Asking how things are going, report on the weather at OOSP, and... ...oh by the way, stuff she was expecting *I* was going 2 do but now they're not getting done...

If that don't blow the [censored] off a flat rock.

It's been just about a day, and she's snipping at me for not going out there.

I may not answer the phone again. I only did this time because she hadn't told me whether she wanted me 2 ship her power adaptor for her laptop or buy a new one and have it sent ther (so she'd have 2, and get it faster, probably).

I think I'll go run over small animals for a few...

-ol' 2long

lemonman:

I agree.

Some of us BSs need 2 have that 2x4 swung at our privates more times than you can imagine before we get it.

I've got my keys. There are squirrels out there with my tires' name on them!

-ol' 2long

Squirel-smashing, huh. Has it come to that already?

AD:

It has.


Good thing that Foreverhers' "transitional species" have all gone extinct, because they'd be on my hit list 2, if they were still around.

-ol' 2long

You know, 2Long, them squirrels can outrun those old VW trucks. I hope you have something more agressive to drive.

I just got another call from the spousal unit.

I let it go 2 voicemail. Then she called the land line. My son and his friends seldom pick up, so it musta gone 2 voice mail 2. Then she called my cell again. I let it go again, then checked the message she left.

It was about paying a big bill, so I called her back. I need 2 make a transfer on Monday, so the houses will get paid for.

In the course of THAT convo, she said she had a number for a handyman, and should she call him, or was I going 2 do that task?

I responded: "If you need it done in the near term, call the guy."

Mrs. 2long: "What does that mean?"

2long: "It means I think we need 2 spend some time away from each other, so if you need it done in the next month, call the guy."

[edit: I forgot. She asked if I was coming out on the 4th, and I said I hadn't decided. That was before the "call the guy" reply, above]

I won't answer the phone again.

-ol' 2long

2long,
Who knows, you might turn into a contender yet! Let her sit and wonder a bit. Good for her soul to have a little something to ponder for a change.

By the way, I’m over here bothering you ‘cause I’m so damn bored with my own life and problems. Hope you don’t mind. Lots of stuff happening in my house as I type…I’m just choosing not to engage and participate! The woman is doing her rendition of hysterical.

Have to tell you that I’m beginning to question my own sanity, (LOL, not really!). It’s like this bad Italian movie I saw a100 years ago….the man’s wife walks in and catches him in bead with the OW….and he just denies it! And keeps denying it, until this poor woman decides that she must be either wrong or crazy! LOL only this time it’s me in the featured role!

It’s amazing, but you finally found something that’s really getting through to your WW! She is getting pissed off ...because you aren’t up there doing your handy man routine?! So she’s throwing a little snit? Yikes, 2long, what a huge LB! hehehhehehhehehe.

Meanwhile, my own darling bride is in the other room wrenting her garments and tearing the hair from her head. The wailing is beginning to really irritate me! I think I’ll go out and get her a “cat of 9 tails” (there’s an S&M store up in Hollywood) so she can do her self flagilation routine. Maybe she’ll get the drama over with faster so we can get down to business. The woman is demented.

So 2long, here’s a plan. Why don’t you get yourself on a plane and come on down to Miami? I’ll toss my WW out for a week (send her back to California for more of her course work in continuing education with her private tutor the Prof) LMAO and we can do south Beach and the Keys.

Talk about sky watching! You would love this place. The stars look mighty close down here…The heavens look like a big, big place. And you won’t have to worry…’cause you’ll have me to keep you out of trouble…LOL

We can hang out and LooooooooK! You can look at the stars and I can look at what I’ve purposely been avoiding, looking at for the last 7 years. Besides, looking is good!

The problem is we’ll have to make up some strange disease to tell the woman down here that you have. After all, you have breath in your body and a driver’s license…which immediately qualifies you for the A for eligible list. I’m telling you…my WW goes a way for 4 or 5 days and strange woman start leaving meatloaf’s at my door! I kind you not.

It’s still early down here in Miami. Think I’ll take a shower and meet some folks for dinner. Got to get away from her carrying on…According to her she is so misunderstood…and I am such a [email]b@stard...[/email] That’s her new word of choice to describe me. I expect that the kids will be calling soon…all of them from all over. Wanting to know why I won’t even talk to their mother…and let her explain!

Anyway 2long, you’re doin’ good! So stay off the phone! And if you feel like taking a trip let me know…I’m totally serious about you coming down for visit. This place grows on you…I know so does a fungus but….
Coach

Ah, coach!

For a minute there, I thought you were in the Hollywood area! If you were, I'd call you 2night 2 see if you wanted 2 imbibe a few!!!

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I needed 2 get HERE before I could do what I did 2day. It could not have been done 2 years ago, when it probably should have been done.

I'm just toast. Plain old white bread burnt 2 a crisp. I don't have this "in me" anymore. ...or maybe I've just s2d up for myself, FINALLY. I don't know.

But I feel good. I feel good and very, very sad at the same time. Thankfully, I'm not interested in cruising chicks anytime soon. If I were, I'd be downright dangerous!

I drank a few beers 2day. more than I said I would in a day. But I worked on the house like a good slave/husband is supposed 2 do. 2 bad I can't be in 2 sates at the same time so I could work on THAT one, 2! ROFLMFAO!

...wait a minute, I AM in 2 states at the same time! The state of confusion AND uncertainty! Maybe even 3 or 4! The state of disrepair, for sure!


Beer: It's what's for dinner.
-ol' 2long

*Looks around for there was a mention of squirrels (twice) and squirrel mashing (once), and anything to do with squirrels and their early demise is something interesting*

*pokes 2long again since she came over anyways*