Huh?

No comment on previous post or the geologic analogy, but then an "appeal" to God?

2Long, I think your mind is majorly messed up with all of this. Why is that? You are a very logical man, trained to look at things scientifically, to assess the observable and to accept evidence that would require a change in previously held convictions when such evidence presents itself.

So what's with this angst expressed through that quotation. This biological unit (your current wife) is about to be replaced by you. So what? That is just survival of the fittest and a "normal" process of entropy (things change and get less "complex" without the external intervention of something to maintain order).

I know, that sounds "cold hearted," but I'm still trying to figure out "what" or "whose" external standards might even impact on your wife or yourself to reverse the "entropy" in your marriage.

You say you don't want a divorce, yet you continue as if a divorce itself is the only thing that would "reach" your wife. That almost sounds like the "rationale" that someone in depression would use to justify putting a gun to their head and pulling the trigger to (end their perceived pain and to get the attention of others). Even if others "woke up" to their plight, not much could be done to unscramble to brain cells.



Well....two thousand years ago "they" DID come to earth and did show us what total sacrificial, agape, love is like as an example to us. "They" DID help Man to find THE way.

But as long as Man continues to reject and refuse the lesson, to continue searching while ingoring what has already been done, Man will continue to crawl around in the "mud of life" and refuse the external help offered in love.

2Long, I don't want to "make light of" your real pain and anguish, nor do I want to minimize the seriousness of contact by a WS with the OP while you are attempting to recover your marriage. But sans a belief in God, the question remains "on WHAT do you, and on WHAT does your wife, BASE the permanance and exclusivity of each other, to each other, in marriage as your individual choices?

THAT is where I was suggesting a reexamination of personal Boundaries and Standards, based upon whatever "moral code" each of you embraces as worthy of submitting your own wants and desires to (as being "superior" to selfish wants and 'needs'), especially if they should conflict with those chosen Boundaries and Standards.

I may be way off base with this, but I get the distinct impression from what you have written that the past 3 to 3.5 years have been spent largely on "ignoring" the problem instead of "confronting" the problem head on. Conflict avoidance is a much "easier" seeming path, I know, having done much of the same. But it only "sweeps things under the rug" to resurface later when there's "no more room under the rug." Then the whole mess becomes visible again.

You can cast about looking for outside helpers to come in and clean up the mess and hope they have the "magic answer," but learning nothing about how to clean up future messes.

You can sell the house and get a new one without the mess inside. The grass always does seem greener until you see the huge water bill that comes with that "greener grass" and that IT will require much time in "cutting and triming" to keep IT looking new and fresh.

You can do the unpleasant task of getting the needed cleaning supplies, roll up your sleeves, and get down in the disgusting mess and take all the time needed to restore the house to a clean and shiny "new place." It WILL go faster if 2 of you are cleaning together. But if one of you is simply moving some of the mess under another rug, you WILL still be able to clean the place AND get that moved mess also cleaned up.....it'll just take your commitment of MORE time and continued endurance and more temporary pain in your knees and back from carrying the "cleaning load" 90-10 instead of 50-50.

2Long, you have a RIGHT to feel depressed and exhausted with the seeming inability of your wife to "get it" regarding No Contact. I KNOW that feeling too well. It is real. But I also want to caution you that when you are feeling that way, is NOT the time to be making huge, life-changing, decisions. It's the "gun to the head" way out of the depression.

Tell me something 2Long, did YOU mean your marriage vows? They include the really "sucky" times of marriage. I understand divorce when the WS is unrepentant and unwilling to even "try." You cannot "control" someone else, the choice to "try" or "not try" must remain with the individual. But, YOU can uphold your "part of the bargain" regardless of what they do if they are "trying," even if their "trying" is not according to the timetable you desire or the "way" you, yourself, would do it if you were in their shoes.

If you want to talk about possible ways to get your wife to finally "see" the absolute necessity for No Contact, as you continue to endure and make changes in yourself, I'll be happy to try to lend some of how I approached the same struggle over the past 3 years. If you want to, you can reach me by email at [email]mbforeverhers@yahoo.com.[/email]

In sincere hope for the restoration of your marriage that IS your true heart's desire.

FH

Hi 2long,

Hope you slept well. Looks like the party went late last night on Grays thread.

I was too sleepy.

What thoughts are going round in your head this morning?

SS

SS:

Thoughts?

I'm ashamed 2 admit it, but mostly hatred.

It's illogical and irrational, but it is how I've been feeling since yes2rday. Mostly, I hate myself for dwelling on this [censored] still. And ruining what could have been a good evening (and night's sleep) with undertones of intense frustration. I had weird nightmares about DV last night, 2.

I haven't posted 2 here since last night because I realize I'm getting all fired up over it. It wasn't anything FH said above, either. I ac2ally agree with most of his post, even though, FH, you still seem 2 believe that an "atheologist" can't be spiri2al. But that detracts only a little from what was otherwise an excellent post. Direct, and hitting a few tender spots, but still very helpful. I'm thinking about it.

2night, I'm going 2 make a special effort 2 do something 2 distract me from such thoughts. The damned clouds roll in before dark every day, so I just might do something like plug in that mill I bought over 2 years ago and machine some needed brackets for my scope that I plan 2 use for the impact on the night of the 3rd/4th. ...or, I may wash my van when I get home. It needs it.

-ol' 2long

The feelings have to be processed somehow. Igonring them probably won't work.

I use a garden hoe, on weeds.

Talking also helps me, does it work for you?

Are these brackets for portable mount, or permanant mount or both?

SS

SS:

Mostly the brackets are for attaching piggyback cameras and counterweights 2 the telescope 2be.

The scope's portable, sort of (it weighs about 60 pounds without the tripod or equatorial wedge). It's one of these: http://www.celestron.com/prod_pgs/tel/nx914gps.htm

I suppose I could use one of the smaller scopes, and may have 2 if I can't get that one ready in the next 2 weeks.

-ol' 2long

If we go to PV, we'll have AC power - but that is probably not necessarry??

Looks really cool. Once I had a cheap scope that was all manual, I hated that you had to keep moving it as the earth rotated.

It'll probaly take you two weeks to learn how to use the mill, and 15 minutes to make the mounts.

Naw, you probably already know how.

What else (exciting) will be in the night sky the 3rd, and 4th?

SS

Jupiter in the evening, and Mars in the early morning.

Thousands of DSOs, 2! (Deep Sky Objects).

-ol' 2long

P.S.

I can live without AC, using an inverter in my van, but it's nice 2 have it handy and not have 2 drain the car battery.

-ol' 2long

I have a deep cycle battery that I am not using for anything right now - in case it's needed. It's almost brand new.

Jupiter is always fun, but I know next to nothing about Mars. You wouldn't even need a book - you could just quote from memory.

Never looked at DSO's except for photos by others. Had posters in my room (for years) of some of my favorites.

SS

I understand you have been sad.

No advice about that. Wishing I had some that would help.

Notice that the moon still hangs in the night sky. Note that the sun came up this morning. The birds were singing, life, and the world seems to go on.

I walked in the park this morning. Thought about you, and what a harsh ride this has been. Still wishing it was different, but can't change it.

Here's to better days.

SS

I wish it were different, 2.

I didn't do what I had hoped I'd do last night. But I did make dinner, which is a big deal, even if it's just tossing a frozen s2 in2 the crock pot in the morning.

The cops were outside the driveway when I went out 2 sit on the kitchen porch and eat my s2. I saw some neighbor friends chatting, so I hied on over 2 see what was up.

One of my neighbors had been walking his dogs on the street below ours, and saw a couple bicycles on the steps up 2 the apartment below my other neighbor's house. He went up 2 the other neighbor when he got back on our street, and asked him if he had guests. The other neighbor is hard of hearing, so he didn't know that 3 squatters had taken up residence in his vacant guest apartment a few days before.

The cops packed them up and hauled them off.

Strange is truther than fiction.

-ol' 2long

Hey 2'long ... u could visit me up north n I could give u simple cooking lessons. I never knew how to fry eggs but I taught myself how to cook chinese food while I was at college. or I might go down to visit mickey n stop by to give u a lesson, easy wok by rh ... lol!. My GF is a very good cook too, we exchange our cooking secret ... chinese for mexican. u could learn from her if you like "real mexican food" ... not fresh-mex style.

-rh-

What's for dinner tonight? Not sure if I want to eat with RH, or 2L.

Ha, like you would even save some for me.

SS

I was thinking of picking up some Chinese takeout! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

Yeah, you know how I like chinese.

I bet you did that on purpose.

SS

ss:

I ac2ally forgot that place we had lunch at. I think you said it's not there anymore?

Rest assured, this place can't hold a candle 2 that food!

-ol' 2long

It's gone, but there is another one even closer to work.

Almost as good.

Good Steakhouse in PV. Really good.

SS

2long,
PF-Chang for Cali-style chinese ... I don't know if you like "real chinese" ... my specialty is chicken w/ black bean sauce.

SS,
I'll put it down on my calendar to go south this summer.

I cook Lodeh, an Indonesian vegie soup from eastern java and probably beef N brocollie (sp). My GF told me that I spoil her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> . I have gold cuervo for margarita mix <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> .

-rh-

Yeah, the place I go 2 isn't gourmet, nor does it have atmosphere, but it's cheap, and they do have nice Wing Hing Noodle calendars on the wall!

-ol' 2long

yeah, we like the same type of resturant ... hole in the wall ... don't ask for service or atmosphere ... but cheap n delicious ... LOL!.

The only other place that I frequent on 2 go is Panda Express ... I don't like their food (totaly cali-chinese) but they have a "15 minutes" rule. They tossed out the dish if it sit more than 15 minutes. I am not picky w/ the taste but I can't stand "stale chinese dish".

-rh-