Yes, once again I feel it is urgent. Please read: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

I think that my husband is lying about having been searching for a new job and to currently be in discussion about a new position. If this is true, he would have proof of this at work. Should I surprise him at the office today, bring him a lunch and demand proof?

WH has refused to go to MC with me on Friday. I think he is afraid of getting cornered for lying. He is trying to deny stuff he said at our last session.
He wants to talk to me tonight alone. I just sent him an email with the following content:

Dear Hubby,
I am interested in hearing more about your future occupation possibility. Can you please bring a copy of your application letter for a new position and response from your potential new employer tonight? That would be great. Thanks!
Love,
Me



We shall see. If he doesn't bring verification tonight, I will assume that he is lying.

How am I doing?

I hope you get a response from someone more knowledgable on your situation but one thing stands out to me.

I don't think it is a wise idea to assume anything. Verify eveything. Get solid, irrefutable proof either way. Then you can base your accusations and actions on a foundation of zero doubt.

I know that if I were a BS, I would want to have rock solid proof, because to toss away a marriage on anything less would haunt me.

...not that visions of my wife with another man wouldn't tear my heart out... but over the course of my short life, I have tended to give the benefit of the doubt to people.

Again, I hope you get a response from a wiser soul soon. please take care.

Thanks Patriot.

There is just a repeating pattern here. Ignoring a deadline, pretending he can't remember ever making that promise... WS has told me several times over the last year that he would transfer the OW and before that broke promises repeatedly not to spend any free time with her without me present. I always believed him when he said that they were just good friends and I had no proof...and for a long time I didn't want to know that he could do something so cruel...
I have lost all faith. I just can not believe him any more without proof.

But ok, I won't call him a liar, but I will ask for validating evidence that he is indeed looking for a new job.

I am shaking like a leaf,nervous about tonight and praying that God will suddenly send him enlightenment and the courage to face what he has done and help me heal and work together to heal our marriage and our family.

LT, your note sounds fine. Sure, take him lunch and ask him about the new job. But please do not be shocked and surprised when he makes excuses and has nothing to say about any new job, or -- even worse -- he gets nasty and defensive and tries to bully you into backing off.

It's just a fact that people having affairs become habitual, daily liars. You can't have an affair without lying. Your WH has been having an affair and therefore lying to you for a good long time.

Rather than frantically and desperately hoping that he will have good news for you, please spend that time thinking about what YOU will do if he doesn't.

What is your plan if/when he has nothing to say about getting a new job?
Mulan