If your spouse never admitted to and/or refused to talk about the details of the affair can a bs really recover. Without sharing the details or at least the biggies, it feels like the WS is still hiding and keeping a part of themselves from working on making the marriage safe.

For me, other than actually catching them in bed, it is very likely my wife's emotional affair was actually physical. Not only will my wife not admit to the sexual part, she denies there was any deep emotional conversations and no touching of any kind. Her affair lasted for over a year and I caught her lying where she went on the final date.

It's very difficult to move on and work on her needs when you can't seem to get past, well The Past.

I look forward to reading your comments.

Also, I did have my attorney send the divorce papers to the wife's attorney yesterday. For me, I can't stay in a marriage with a cake eater. I called to make appointment with SH as a last ditch effort to see if we can save this marriage.

Grove, this happens to virtually every BS. The WS clams up and refuses to give details. This is absolutely maddening to the BS, but the WS holds all the cards here. Unless and until they "get it" and realize how important honesty is *now*, after months or years of living a lie, there is little that the BS can do. You can't force somebody to tell the truth when they've decided they're just not gonna.

There are many, many threads here at MB about exactly this subject. Go back a few pages and look at the titles, or do a search on "details".

As we said, your situation is far from unique -- it's very, very typical. Do some reading. Good luck.
Mulan

You are absolutely right in you're needing to know more of what happened. Maybe not the lurid details, but at least enough to understand what she did and WHY she did it.

Have you talked about the reasons she went outside the marriage.

In my situation, I called the OW myself to find out the truth. I got a lot of details that stung. Amazingly, the things that hurt the most were the emotional ones - flowers left on her car, flowers sent for her bday, expensive dinners, etc.

I commend you on moving forward with D bc living with a cake eater is emotional abuse. I lived with mine for 2 months before I finally realized I had control over the situation. I wish I had done it sooner though. The waiting is extremely painful.