Please don't use caps lock for your posts. It makes it very difficult to read and it seems like you are shouting. OK to use caps occasionally to make a point. Also, breaking your posts into smaller paragraphs will make them easier to follow and read.

Sorry , but actually inside I am screaming! Thanks for the pointers.

I just need some uplifting motivators, please anyone?

Bumping for vets - this member needs help and I'm not qualified to give it!

You are understandably upset. I think you need to do your best to bring a state of calm and order back into your home. Since you are the only parent in the home right now it is up to you.

Try and find a quiet 20 or 30 minutes and quiet your mind in prayer/meditition. You might try a meditation exercise at www.fhu.com. Click on the Be Still And Know audio tape link. It is worth a try.

It is going to be hard to work on your marriage while your H is deployed. Mortarman is the best one to advise you about your situation since your H is in the service. Faithinme was in a similar situation as your but she hasn't been around recently. She exposed to her H's and OW's CO's.

Your mind is probably racing and filling up with all kinds of crap that isn't helping you to center and think clearly.
You don't need to give up, but a plan would help. It is a good thing to find out where you stand legally, but that doesn't mean you need to file.

Read up on plan A if you haven't. Get Surviving an Affair if you haven't already. I am sorry I don't think I know your whole story.

Take care of yourself. See your Dr. if you think you are depressed to the degree that anti-D meds would help you. Get outdoors, bring the kids to the park, walk...try to get exercise, try to eat well, and get sleep. I really do know how hard it is...it almost seems insurmountable but you can get through it.

This is more about your WH than it is you. My H had more than one A. I believe he know what he needs to do to not allow himself to have another A. He knows that would be the end of us.

Your H is capable of learning how to have the necessary bounderies, even when he is deployed, to not have any more A's. It will take a lot of work on his part.

Thank You Trix,

I am currently on a low dose of Zoloft and doing well, so far.

I am on a Plan A , not very good since OW gets to do a better Plan A than I am since, she's there with him and not any where near me. But, I do plan on showing him what he'll be missing during his 2wk leave at home. Not much time for us but im gonna TRY my best!

Right now my head isnt in my marriage but my children. I just dont know what to think of Counselors diagnosis for DS-5. They want to put him on AD's (ironic mother and son would take the same med's) Its just so hard understanding it all. I feel like I have failed as a mother not protecting my child. If the sexual abuse is true, I think i'd fall over the edge!

WH was at a loss of words with me, when I told him about our son. He was so ANGRY , i knew there wasnt any words to find that could help console either of us. Maybe this will open WH eyes and show him that HIS family needs him???

Untill son goes to therapy with Pyciatrist and IC , I dont know what will happen with son, Im so afraid to know! Its come to the point that I think I have to involve CPS to the school. Which I have reason to believe it may be another peer! God save the other child, I hope I can say I helped the other child also, but all I can ask is what damage has it done to mine?

I would look at your son's diet before having him go on anti-D's. Look up supplementing with Omega 3 Fish Oils...(I use Eskimo 3-not fishy) in relation to children and depression or behavioral problems. Also look up info on a possible magnesium deficiancy. Get him off of sugar, artificial coloring, and most sugar substitutes (equal/aspartame, splenda etc), at the very least. Start reading labels if you haven't already. Give him a good multi-vitamin/mineral supplement. Think whole foods and get away from processed foods, and foods with partially hydrogenated oil.

Do you have any ideas where he could have possibly been sexually abused? I hope you will be able to sort that one out so he can begin a healing process.

Really could the Omega 3 fish oils be a resort to not taking the med's? (Caues i am not for giving him medication, he is so young!)

My son is a lil over weight, well hes a big boy, only gonna be 5 in 13 days and hes about 40" tall and weighs 65lbs! I am watching what he eats but WH family doesnt help when he asks for seconds.

Thank you for the input I will look into the magnesium deficiancy.

I belive this has happened at school with another peer. May have started just as curiosity but now DS is tellin me about incidents where other boy is touchig him.. etc. I spoke with the teachers yesterday and they told me of incidents where DS was talkin about sex and body parts but they found it amusing and didnt bother to tell me about it! They will call me at work for him pushing another child but they find it amusing that a child of that age can just speak so blunty about this?

I should of seen the signs when DS made every excuse not to go to school or his outbursts to get him kicked out of school. I feel so ashamed of not seeing the signs! (if its true) I honesty thought it was because of WH absence that was causing his violent outburst or a cry for attention but these last 3 months have gotten worse to where it was out of my hands and I seeked IC for him.

WH absence may have triggered that anger but maybe these incidents with other boy may have caused more damage.

I wish I could find the answers soon but I do realize it aint gonna be fixed over night! So, I keep trudging on....

I found these articles:

Kids and nutrition


Magnesium

Sources for dietary magnesium

Omega 3 Fatty Acids and Children

I also read that overweight children are more prone to childhood diabeties... and lots of times they low in magnesium.

Anyway, don't take my word for any of this stuff. Do your own research and consult a good doctor.

He probably shouldn't drink soda unless you occasionally make your own with a unsweetened fruit juice and bubbly water. Just because he is overweight it doesn't mean he is getting the right nutrients.

Exercise, smaller portions of the right foods. If you make creative changes he shouldn't feel deprived.

Thanks Trix and i am looking these info's up, thanks for the threads!

One good thing is soda is not allowed in my home, WH trained us not to drink any of that, he got used to drinking natural juices and of course DS cannot live without his water, he'll choose that over soda, juice, tea etc ...

Diabetes runs on both sides of the family, SO I do watch what they and I eat. Multi vitamins are alred a routine in our diets so thats covered.

I havent received notice from the school about DS and other boy. I will call today to find out. Again if they dont look into it, i will involve CPS. One thing, they told me that they spoke to the other boy and he denied the incident, they believed him, but could it be the child is afraid, it upsets me that they would just drop the incident!
I recieved an email from WH tellin me he loves me and that hes doing fine. I recieved an IM on my phone at 3 in the morning, tellin me he was horny and wanted me to have a "cyber session' with him. The power went out in the camp so it wasnt started or finished. " one good thing is he turned to me and not OW!" Could that be a plus for me?

About 10 more days and WH will soon be home! I am so scared to know how i will react towards him. I have mixed emotions, I know he's fearing that I will be disgusted towards him, knowing what I know. I still love him, the anger has weared off since its been about 3-4 mos since D-Day, so maybe thats helped me out. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I think that is a good sign that he IM's you for a 'cyber session'...that he is turning to you for that. I think that is fine to do this in Plan A. And fun too.

It is great that he'll be home in a couple of weeks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We've alwys had these sessions and of course OW didnt know of it. He says OW doesnt need to know about his private life with his wife ( I honestly think hes just using her while he's away! ) HHmm signs of discreatness, dishonesty towards OW , sounds like ++++ for me ! ( cuz he does tell me about her! he isnt afraid to confide in me! ) Or is it another thrill for him re: getting caught by OW?

We have'nt had a session in a about a week and a half and he emailed me saying he misses our sessions so much! Again I hope that is a plus for me!

YES indeed they are very fun and opened us more to eachother!

But you don't want to enable a cake eater.

Will he be open to reading Surviving an Affair or anything to understand the dynamics and what he need to do to restore your marriage and understand what commitment and bounderies are in marriage?

That is my fear!

At first he was opposed to the fact of it saying a Dr isnt going to tell him his problems or soutions! he turned to church but that didnt help very much either.

I hope that when he does come home , he will at least consider it. I know that knowing OW will still be waiting for him , will be in the back of his mind, I hope seeing us together as a family and how much we need him will open his eyes!
Its just so hard knowing we have to bear another 6 months apart! How can you have an effective Plan A, so far away and with OW being by his side every day!

I don't know. Without the understanding of and commitment to personal bounderies then I think it is pretty difficult. Deployment seems unnatural and anti marriage. I understand that the rate of infidelity in these situations is high.

I think it would be a good thing if there were accountability partners or small groups in the service to support marriage fidelity. I have to question the wisdom of having both sexes deployed together in close quarters.

Others here have the experience and are better able to help you deal with deployment and A's that were started during those times. It is either the one deployed or the one back home.
No one seems immune without awareness and precautions in place.

I wish I could be of more help.

I agree about the rate of infidelities in the military and of course there has been articles on it. All they can do is counsel those who want help.

I trully believe WH could not be faithful to anyone including OW. He always has the urge to have the thrill of flirting and crossing the line. How do you cure that? I believe it has to come within! And he does realize that.

The fling between OW and WH happened before his deployment supossedlt one first and last fling before he left and then she got orders to be attached to his unit 2 months after that! (How ironic was that) He says if she would of never gone to Iraq things would be different but if she didnt I wouldnt of ever known or assumed the A.

When what seems like the biggest mistake, Will be the best thing that has ever happened!