Okay, so I was up in San Francisco this past weekend with about 30 local San Diego runners for an event called Bay to Breakers; it turned out to be the blast BUT I seem to continue to be a witness to and victim of some disgusting acts of immorality which is making my emotional recovery and efforts to trust again literally impossible. I am not sure if I was just completely ignorant or immune to all of these disgusting acts prior to d-day but it seems like I am getting smacked left and right with it now. One of my good friends, who ironically was the one who introduced WH to me on a run over 5 years ago, was obviously flirting (emotional infidelity) with one of the female runners. He has been married for almost 30 years to a wonderful woman with whom I am also friends with. I confronted him about it and said something to the extent, "Come on, I need to be inspired". There were a bunch of pictures taken with him and this woman showing obvious reciprication of affection. I talked to him yesterday and said that I had some pictures from the weekend...he said, well if those pictures get to my wife, I will never be going to Bay to Breakers again or at least as a married man." This really hurt me because I have been close with them for over 5 years and I cannot stand to see him hurting her like this. I also spoke to a friend who has known him longer and she said he has always been like this and she thinks it is just a matter of time when he blows it. I hate to think of this. How do you handle something like this?

Also, on this trip, I witnessed 2 skanks who solely were looking for married companions for the night. I wanted to slap the two of them....they weren't physically attractive and dressed very seductively. I was amazed how many men actually gravitated towards them as they were straight out of a white trash magazine. Is married life really that bad for these guys...I am not buying the whole drunken, testosterone driven affairs. It is just plain wront. Personally, I was straight out asked by a married man if I wanted to have "crazy monkey sex" to ease my emotionally recovery from my own heartbreak. I said something to the extent..."are you f*ckin kiddin me? You have a wife of 30 years and 2 kids. And, furthermore, I have never f*cked a man and refuse to start now. I embrace the act of "making love" and quite frankly, right now, I am disgusted."

At track yesterday, I was pulled aside by another one of my male friends who asked how I was doing. I told him my continued saga with WH and then he asked me about dating. I said that I am having a hard time trusting and needed to be inspired. He responded by saying, "Unfortunately, this is how society is right now; there are not many like you."
So, I am left today extremely depressed, unmotivated, and left to ponder if I am forever going to be alone because of lack of people who share my same beliefs about love, marriage, and morality.

Despite the sociopathic behaviors my WH suprised me with this past year, I still crave the life we once lived together...feel like it is easier than facing the sh*t present in society today. Yet, why do I still crave this when I don't even think he'd have a clue if my life suddenly passed me by today...he just doesn't seem to care about anything associated with the life and marriage we shared these past 5 years.

Help...can anyone inspire me??? I feel like I have a lot to offer a man but I have so many reservations about putting myself out there right now after seemingly being slapped left and right with immoral acts. I want to believe that I won't be alone in the future, that I'll be able to follow through with my dream, my vision of falling in love, sharing my life and building a family with a man who cherishes everything about me...faults and all. I desperately wanted to work things out with WH but our divorce will be finalzied in a month and as he carries on his immoral relationship with OW, I honestly don't think he will ever even think of me again let alone contact me to chat. I don't even know what I am looking for anymore in a man as I thought WH was "the one", my "perfect match". I joined the whole match.com thing a couple months ago which I have found to be a completely unnatural approach to a relationship but there is something nice about having your ego boosted with an occasional "wink" or date even if I am just seeking friendship and am not ready to be romantically involved with someone random. I really miss the whole idea of making a connection with someone I have a physical attraction to and then having them chase after me...it has happened in the past, will it happen again? I know I have too much emotional baggage right now to be attractive to the right guy...only seem to be a catch to those who are looking to have "crazy monkey sex" with someone emotionally vulnerable.

Sorry for the low intro...just looking for some inspiration to help carry me past the anniversary from hell. I want to start this next year on the right foot.

Inspiring stories, anyone?

Thanks,

Muels

Muels, one way you could handle the thing with the married guy: tell him - dude, I'm your friend, but if you're going to get into these shenanigans around me, you'd best not expect me to keep them secret from your wife.

GC

Yeah...if and when I get married again, I would desire a friend to tell me if my husband was flirting behind my back so I think he needs to be spoken to. His continued flirting with this girl at the track on Tuesday (his wife is not a runner) suggests that an intervention is needed soon. I think I'll talk with him tonite. The sad thing is that he already knows how I feel and also knows damn straight the pain I have experienced with WH's affair yet he still continues to engage in emotional infidelity with this gal. I don't think any sexual boundaries have been crossed but I am afraid that he is setting himself up for blowing it big time with his wife which I know would just devastate her. Since I can't save my marriage, perhaps I can help save another.

Cheers,

Muels

Do you want to be inspired to hang on to your virtuous ways, or do you just want a story that is inspiring in general?

I want to hear an inspiring story ( :

Basically, I want to hear a story that helps me to trust society/love/marriage once again. My parents, who have been married 35 years, and my grandparents, who have been married 70 years, inspire me. I want to hear about people who have rebounded from betrayal to find true love again as this would be the hope for me.

Thanks,

Muels

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Sorry. Can't help with that. My gifts tend to be towards inspiring the individual.

Somebody please jump in here. Where is KiwiJ, THAT'S who we need here.

NCW

k---you want a boost to make humanity look good to you again?? sweetie----just look around here!!!! look at the people on here---they would do anything for each other and havent even met!!! i went through what you are feeling and i know it sucks...but then i remembered all the amazing people on here.

Thanks Nikko...you are so true, the emotional support everyone here has provided me this past year has been amazing which is why I find myself back on MB! I had stopped visiting several months ago when it was obvious my marriage was ending or unsalvageable. It is still nice to hear the inspiring stories of new love as this is where I find myself now...hoping to find that man with whom I truly was meant to spend my life with.

Thanks all ( :

Happy Thursday,

Muels

OK kjb23,

I heard what you "want" and here is what you "need." A reality check.

You want to be inspired by found love? Why? There is a greater inspiration, a greater work than finding your soulmate. Or a story of someone else finding it.

Look in the mirror.

There is a person who was brutally subjected to what has been described as one of the worst pains ever.

And she survived.

Did you not learn about yourself through your year of pain? Did you not flex and strengthen your emotional muscles? What made your past year amazing? Us reaching out to you? All we could do is type encouragement. YOU picked the feet up and put them down to make it from there to here.

And gained wisdom with EVERY step.

What kind of wife will you be to your next husband? You are steel where once you were iron. You have been heated, worked, fired and tempered. You are still you, but this destructive process has made you stronger and more beautiful because it did not break you.

You have learned that your "significant other" is not so "significant." You have shown that you can STAND ALONE and that if you choose not to, it is by CHOICE, not NEED.

The boost of those of us who post here is naught but a story to you. Something you read and say "wow." Consider the boost of the year you have just LIVED.

You have had your principles tested, and you have stood by them, not knowing the outcome. And those around you, they are empathic, but they do not KNOW.

It is not something that can be explained, the betrayal.

It comes in and devours, as if your soul is being stripped away. But look in the mirror, long and hard. And I think you will find that what it took did not need to be there anyway.

There is your inspiration.

NCWalker

kjb23 - the most inspiring story I can give you is one you've probably already heard, "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Loving God first enables us to love others. Obeying God's commands is how we walk in love.

Now, for a little something that I gave my wife after we began recovery 3 years ago. I found it and adapted it. Change it as needed and make it your own. Perhaps you'll also find how loving as Christ first loved us is lived out in looking for the best in our spouse regardless of how trying a circumstance may be.


You Are

A friend, the best someone could have,
A wife, who makes the heart soar,
A mother, who carried 4 and loves them all,
A parent, who is the center of their world,
A pillar, to the other drunken friends,
A do-er, for those who need a cab,
A driver with less convictions than some <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

A smoker, because your need is real,
A child, at times alone and afraid,
A figure, curled into a ball,
A model, for your figure has become so,
An artist, who should never stop,
A woman, who has a right to her pleasures,
A patient, who values care,
A nurse, who cares continually,
A gardener, with a far keener eye,
A decorator, who knows color,
A star, that we can come home to,
A haven, with a smile that reassures,
A goddess, to mine own eyes.

A student, with keenness and intelligence,
A person, of your own spirit,
A companion, to many who've needed it,
A thinker, when its not your own,
A survivor, you've made it this far,
A reader, of varied and different books,
A musician, who does not play.

A politician, who would dare argue? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
A lover, the best I could have,
A support, unceasing,
A savior, to the brother who needed it,
A daughter, who's values have been re-found,
A daughter in law, who's always valued,
A grandmother, so proud they will be,
A Bachelor, of Arts at least,
A rock, for others in due course,
A wonder, to those who know what you've been thru,
A mother, as free and loving a spirit as your own,
and a person whose worth to me is immeasurable.
You are already all these things.