I'm in need of counseling, but I'm scared to death to actually go. I'm even afraid of phone counseling. I'd love to do email or instant messaging. Anyway, has anyone done this or used mb counseling with success? Please respond. Thanks

Lisa,

Phone counseling with one of the Harley's is the best. I was scared too, and I counseled with SH. He'll put you at ease right away. It is very well worth it - after my first session I finally felt some peace, and even a little hope.

I'm over 3 years since d-day; and counseling with SH was the very smartest decision I could have made!

Csue,

Thanks for your response. I'm 7 months past dday. Only an "ea" although I think he's lying, I think it was a "pa". He's one of those people that will deny unless you have physical proof. Anyway, you said you were 3 years past. I'm having a hard time letting it go. I'm paranoid, I feel like I'm on edge, I don't trust him at all. Even when he says "I love you" I think "no, you don't". How long does it take to get over it or do you ever. I don't know if I can go on like this very much longer. Thanks for your response.

Lisa,

Good question. IMHO I don't think you do get over it....instead - you get through it.

The way to get through it isn't simply to pass the time, until "magically" everything's alright.

It's a painful process that you'll hopefully undertake together, so that he can EARN your trust back. It doesn't come back any other way.

SH will coach you and your H through a recovery plan that will facilitate your healing.

Of course you can't let go, and of course you're paranoid - you have every reason to be, until you "learn" differently.

I couldn't have managed it on my own without professional help. I was the QUEEN of LBs. I would have driven my remorseful husband out the door.

So much of recovery is counter-intuitive, I could never have managed the minefield all on my own.

I highly recommend the Harley books - Surviving An Affair; His Needs, Her Needs; & Give & Take.

Steve Harley also recommends "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass - her book is a wonderful resourse on EAs.

I'm glad you found this site. It was the only thing that kept me sane in my early recovery days. I came here and posted - which kept me from LBing as much as I could have.