Ok where to start. I am in the middle of an affair, one in which I'm now stopping with all I have. The problem was and is that this affair has taken place all at the OM's and W's house. Now to clarify things I'm married also with two kids, my exMM is married and has a child on the way. It started off as a friendship and went to something more, what really started putting me off this person was that I wanted to work on my own marriage and had felt tremendous guilt. Not only that but the exMM has some serious issues, but the problem now is that he won't leave me alone. He called me the other night at 2am in the morning to tell me he was at the hospital with his wife because she couldnj't breathe. 2am! My husband immediately asked me who it was and I told him it was my brother who was drunk yet again. Don't get me wrong I love my husband but we have grown apart a lot over the years. I'm dedicated now into working with all I have to save my marriage and repair it. My husband doesn't know about the affair.

I guess what I need advice on is how to get rid of the exMM. He won't stop calling my cell, he won't stop text messaging me, he doesn't get that I don't want anything more to do with him. I just don't get it. He has a wife and a child on the way, I want him to completely leave me alone. I was smart in that I didn't give him my last name, or where I lived, or my husbands name or anything of the sort. I just didn't ever feel the need to let go of that privacy and I'm glad that I didn't for obvious reasons. I just want him to completely leave me alone. Any help would be appreciated.

Welcome to MB TranquilMoon,

You may beleive, like a lot of WS [wayward spouses] that you are protecting your H by keeping your affair a secret but in actuallity you are doing the opposite. You say that you and your H have grown apart during the years, then what makes you think that keeping the affair a secret is going to reverse that? Chances are that it will only reinforce the wall that already exists between you and your H. That same wall that allowed you to seek in another man what you could not find in H. Keeping your affair a secret will most certainly continue to keep your H completely oblivious of the bad state of the marriage. For a great many BS [betrayed spouses] the discovery of the affair is THE wake up call that opened their eyes that their marriages were in worse shape than they beleived AND eventually the acknowledgement that their issues contributed to the marital environment which facilitated the affair. Lastly, you owe your H the truth because he has a right to know who he is married to and whether or not he wants to continue being married to you. Oh, and to answer your question, the best way to get rid of your OM is to expose your affair to both his W and your H.

I hope you give some very serious thought to what I've said and choose wisely.

TMCM

Tm,
I'm not going to purosely 2x4 you, but you are only scratching the surface of what you now must do. This is going to be really hard on you and your H, but if you want to heal from your betrayal, you must reveal to your H what you have done. If the sitch were reversed, would you want to be kept in the dark?
Your H may very well decide to end your R and this is, after all, his right to do so.. But if he truly loves you, He may also decide to work on your matital R and repair what has gone wrong. I know this seems like a horible role of the dice, but to harbor this secret will only leave you and your marriage vunerable to further and future betrayals.
How serious are you about healing your R?
Read everything on this site and understand what caused to to fail in your M. As far as OM is concerned, change your cell phone number and read about NC with him ever again.
I truly hope you will have the courage to do what you must at this point, your marriage will surely depend on this,
Good Luck,
Jerry

Well, for starters you could:

1) Block him from your IM
2) Change your cell phone number

Not sure why you have not already done this -- ?
Mulan

TranquilMoon,

Sure it only takes one spouse to change the marriage but to make it work it takes BOTH spouses. How is that going to happen with a totally oblivious BS?

TMCM