My WH (now STBXH) filed for D last week.

We've been married 13 years, with one child (dd, 10). DDay was Dec.3rd. I Plan A'd my butt off for the last 5 months. (He has been living with OW in another state, hundreds of miles away, where he went to work last Sept. He met her there. He tried to tell me this has nothing to do with HER! Please.)



Of course this has do to with her, my wife said the same about OM. This OW makes him feel good, great sex (sorry, I feel your pain), no baggage, no relationship talk, divorce talk, etc...

Why would he want to be with you?


So now I wonder if it would do any good to send him a Plan B email.


Are you strong enought to do this? Be honest with yourself.



He DID come out of the FOG in April, telling me he was sorry, was going to come home and make up for all this, we talked ALOT about what was wrong and how we got to this point and he KNOWS all the changes I have made. He's come here 3 times since Dec. and has seen them. Well, a week later he was back to wanting to D. So he was here last week and filed.


He is most likely confused and of course he is Addicted to OW, right now he is under her spell.


Each time he is here, we have LOTS of SF.

Big mistake, no more SEX, period. Why should he come back to you and give her up when he can have 2 women, every guys dream.


Obviously there is ALOT I am leaving out, but I just wonder if a Plan B letter would hurt.


I would send a Plan B letter and go very, very dark. Do you have the strength to go DARK? Don't answer calls, emails, talk thru mediator, etc... act as though you have died and are 6 feet under.

At this point this is about your only choice left.


The pain from all of this is unbearable, daily, agonizing.


99% of the people here are BS's, we all know your pain. I've lost 65 lbs in 7 months. Cried a friggin river, destroyed things in my house, can't sleep, etc...


I still love my WH; HE chose to do this.


Because he lost his compass, is self centered, selfish, only thinks of his enjoyment, thinks he is entitled to OW, etc... Just like my friggin wife.



I went from being (I thought) happily married to a BS.


We all did. My wife came home last Sept and said it's over. Never one arguement, never told me we had a problem ever (27 years), goodbye.


None of our family can BELIEVE he would do this. It seems extremely out of character.


Same as my wife.



I have read SAA, HN/HN, LB, Divorce Remedy, Love must Be Tough, and a couple more that I can't remeber the names of.


Go back and reread these books.



It HURTS so badly that I may never get a chance to do for my WH what I didn't before, because I LOVE him so much. It hurts to know I caused him pain, and now I can't ever fix that. I realize HE is the one who chose to have an affair and end the marriage, but I now see the GLARING mistakes I made and the wrong assumptions I had.

It sucks, because I am the BS, yet I want the second chance!! Anyway, any help would be appreciated.



Pray a lot and take care of yourself.


Things will get better, trust me. Time heals even though you may feel like suicide like I did.


Good Luck


I'll keep up with your thread.


Andrew