I recently had a conversation with another poster who spoke of things that her wayward has done with OW which are simply copies of their own history.

I recall experiencing my own "deja vu" moments upon discovering things my FWS did with OWs.

I thought it would be interesting to start a thread where everyone can chip in the things that their WS did with the OP that recycled their marriage. Favorite places, hotels, traditions, pet names, etc. I even recall someone (Peachy?) who saw the OW adopting her hairstyle.

So jump right in on what your own WS recycled. I'd also love opinions one why they do this. If the marriage was so bad, why are they trying to recreate it with the OP? Is it a lack of orginality or are they subconsciously recreating things that made them happy with their spouse? Is it a way of reinforcing to themselves that their BS wasn't special?

As always, I'd dearly love to hear from FWS's on this as well.

Dobie

The recycling I saw with DFWs SOW was that she was a single mom with a child of 6 or 7.
I was a single mom with a child of 6 or 7 when I met and married DFW.
H's was Mom was a single mom with a child (DFW) of 7 when she married her cheating exH.
*shuddering*
too weird.
Frags

Most OWs want not just the WS (that's just in the beginning) but later as the A wears out, if the OW is still in A heat, she will want the BS and family's identity. I even heard of an OW who went to the BS home and took her jewelry along with other items.

In may case the OW wanted my marriage license and name. She used to sign as Mrs. ________ and even called my near my wedding anniversary date to tell me I wasn't married to my H, she was. Then she sent an e-mail accusing the then Xws that he was commiting 'emotional adultery' when he left the OW to go back to his family. Imagine that!?!?!?!

Talk about identity theft!

L.

My thoughts are because you have to "earn" your way out of a relationship. You have to try and make it work, or else you are destined to keep repeating the same relationship over and over again until you "get" it.

WAT had said something regarding this recently. I sure with I had save it.

Unless you learn and try to correct what ever went wrong in your relationship, you will get the same relationship next time, until you do.

They are so lost they don't even realize what they are doing.

I read of a guy whose three ex-wives could be identical twins, in every way! When the going gets tough, he just goes and finds a duplicate of his current wife and does it all again.

Duh!

My DD's dad married a girl who looks almost like me. He even told me when he started dating her that she was so much like me he couldn't believe it. HELLO!!!!!

It's just incredibly sad and warped that an OP would want to become the BS. And if they attain their goal, that's usually what happens.

It just really boggles my mind that the WS would want to recreate the same relationship they're trying to leave. And that the OP wouldn't be offended by this.

Dobie

weaver,

It's that definition of insanity thing once again. Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different outcome.

Dobie

Dobie,

I've seen this behavior with Phil. As far as I know, OW must be in love with ME. She may have had Phil's body, but it would seem she hasn't had one real conversation with Phil that hasn't had large chunks of me hidden within.

Phil (WSo) has shared ME extensively with OW. He passes off MY personal experiences as his own, MY writing (he has recycled my letters to him in addition to his own sent to me), hopes and dreams, childhood family traditions, personal tastes, pet names (they are unique), my original or family recipes, my made-up vocabulary for items/objects etc., even my speech patterns and turns of phrases. All of these he presents to OW as his attractive, original and innovative persona.

FWSs? I would benefit from your experience if you found yourself recycling or re-creating aspects of your married life to further the relationship with OP. Why did you do it? Did you know you were doing it? Why did you stop? Did the OP ever think it was strange? Or did the OP just think you were the greatest? I'm really curious! :-)

Thanks
Sal

I was one of the BSs whose OW colored her hair red, just like mine. She also cut it shorter, although not as short as mine. I found the shorter hair interesting because she originally had long blonde hair. My xWS loves long hair! So, who was she trying to impress? The OW was 21 and I was 47. So I certainly couldn't "compete" with her on the age thing.

The OW also started to dress nicer. She originally looked quite sloppy, not very feminine, wearing sweats, a t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up, kind of unkempt. She'd wear several rings at a time. Although I am overweight, I have always dressed nicely for my size, wearing makeup, and a few pieces of jewelry. The last time I saw her she was in a nice pair of well-fitting jeans and a nice white knit top.

Recycling experiences? That was the most painful. My xWS and I would go up to his brother's cabin every summer. It was a special thing for us to do together. My ex sister-in-law got drunk one night and mentioned to me that the OW had been up there the year before!

My xWS and I also went on a trip to northern Michigan every year to look at the Fall colors. While the OW hadn't gone there (as far as I know!), I figured out that she had to have gotten pregnant around that time...like the week before or after "our" week.

Ex in-law funerals. I knew my xWS's family for several years. They were very fond of me, and I of them. I skipped the last family funeral because I suspected she might be there...even though I've been told that most of the relatives can't stand her. I didn't want to take any chance that she might be there. The family was in enough pain at the loss of their 30 year old son to a drug overdose. They certainly didn't need to have to deal with any suggestion of conflict. My xWS always relied heavily on me for support during those times. The OW was at the funeral. My xWS was upset with ME because I didn't attend. When I explained why, he said "Well I was thinking that we could all just be adult about this, and put our differences aside for this situation. I don't think it would have been that big of deal if you showed up and the OW was there. You should have been thinking about being there to support my sister and brother-in-law, not just think of yourself". I had already sent them a card right away, expressing my sympathy and writing a personal note in it. I guess that he hadn't felt very supported by the OW. And I should have not been thinking of myself?? Who was he thinking about when he knocked up the OW??

"Babe"......GRRRRRRRRRRR!! There would have been lots of other cutsy names to use!

The OW trying to be a "parent" to my step-children, ages 17 and 21. My xWS had a son her age (21)!

I often wonder what all else my xWS tried to re-create with her. I've even wondered if he used his favorite sexual acts/positions with her????

Oh well, I just have to remember what my ex step-daughter said to me, "BS,you have more class in your little finger than the OW will ever have!" And "class" is hard to copy!!!

heartmending,

Sounds like your xWS tried to "grow" a replacement for you.

Dobie

I'm not sure if he was trying to "grow" a replacement for me, or avoid adult responsibilities. It's a lot easier to impress a 21 yr old with "nothing in her life", than a wife who has expectations of him. He could go back to being carefree, spontaneous, etc. Mid-life crisis crap?

It didn't work too well for very long. The OW got pregnant, and they now have a 3 yr old son with Down Syndrome to raise! So much for carefree!

I suspect that the OW has heard a lot about me from various family members of my xWS. I heard that they make it clear to her that they don't like her and her ways. They make it clear to my xWS that they are very disappointed in his choices and behaviors.

I've heard that all is not well on the homefront with the OW and my xWS. She's "selfish" and "immature". Duh!They've been living together for 3 years. He has yet to marry her. I'm wondering if this might have anything to do with her gradual changes to become more like me? Should I offer to send her my wedding dress and wedding rings!?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'll give you five dollars if you offer her the dress and rings.

Dobie

$5.00...hmmmmmmmmmm. Could sure use the money about now!

Oops! I forgot! That dress and rings were for a "classy" woman! My bad! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

OM in my sit signed into their low motel as 'Mr & Mrs B. Pure' with our address.

In fact I got a brochure thanking me for my visits offering a frequent visitor card sent to my house by the hotel chain. That was nice to get...but at least I found out where they 'met' and it catalysed a lot of A info from Squid.

Bob,

That's incredibly tacky. At least when an OW does that, it's because she's fantasting about being the wife and using that last name.

Dobie

I think OM did that for 2 reasons - 1 to stop anything tracking its way back to his hom eaddress and 2 - he really DID want to try to steal a bit of my life.

In fact I am smarter, bigger, stronger, better looking, younger, fitter, richer, harder working, more faithful, trustworthy, reliable, funny, friendly and successful than him.
Thats no great success BTW - Hitler and Jeffrey Dahmer probably were too.

Rather than work for it he decided to use my name and my wife for a short time.

I win.

Scumbag. I wonder when I'll stop wanting him dead ?

ROTFL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Probably when he is.

Probably when he is.

* Drools at that prospect *

Its a nice thought actually...OM knows I want him dead. It must be interesting knowing that a person wants you dead.

I hope he thinks of that often. I wonder if he still flicnhes when a 'number witheld' call hits his phone ?

Hyuk. I can be bad.

Anyway, threadjack...sorry

Squid didn't recycle our R with OM, she says he was my opposite so it was all new and fresh to her.

yuk. fresh sh*t might be warm but its still just Sh*t.

LOL...alright, I'm gonna jump in on the threadjack.

In my case, my wife had an online EA with someone that neither of us had ever met in person. When d-day hit, she was VERY worried that I was going to go 'pay him a visit'. LOL...his response was "I was a marine, and I can take care of myself. How very sweet of you to worry about me.".

My wife was panicked. She knew he didn't take it seriously, and she knows me VERY well...had I decided to go after him in the end, it would have been no problem whatsoever. He seemed to think that I'd show up and challenge him to a fair fight or something?!?! ROFLMBO!!!

Sorry, but you're comments made me think of that. Had I decided to do something, it would have been something VERY final. Glad that I didn't tho...because things have worked out VERY well for my wife and I, and it would have been a lot harder to do with me on the run or at least suspected of something.

Freaked myself out with my own thread. Was watching Bravo's 100 Scariest Movie Moments and they had Single White Female on there. Anyone seen this movie? It was way too close.

Dobie