Need advice i am my screen name,
I and my wonderfull wife have been married for 15 years total 20 envolved.I am the one who broke our marriage vows.I changed jobs 4 years ago and had time on my hands wich led me to stay on the internet alot.I soon got into chat rooms and the next thing i know i had seven affairs in which my wife found out about.It totaly crushed her we are still together a year and a half later but she says she wants to move on.In the first year she thought it was one and at the beginniong of the year she found out about the rest that i was not man enough to tell her about.We met young and i guess this was a part of my life that was unresolved i guess and it took the chat rooms to bring it out.I since then have given up any wrongfull things that happen on the internet ,totally evaluated my life and my priorties and changed for the good.I Refused counceling in the beginning,afraid she would find the whole truth(more than one).Can anyone please Guide me on how to reconcile with my wife and will trust ever return because i know what they say once you cheat you will do it again but i know i wont. I am lost but trying to find my way.Any Feed back would greatly be appreciated.

You need to read thoroughly the Concepts link, and then go to the Q&A section and look at how Dr. H takes those concepts and applies them to real world situations. IN addition, there are several articles in there on recovering from infidelity.

I would suggest professional counseling as well.

Once you've made it through all the Concepts Material and the Q&A, then there may be some more specific questions you can ask that people can answer.

Defintely follow up with professional counseling. If you found yourself continually in chat rooms and having affairs you may have been falling into a sexual addiction. If that is the case unless you have someone to ensure accountability with it is an easy trap to fall back into. Take it from me, someone who said they knew they wouldn't do it again and did several more times. Fortunately counseling and accountability groups have been a great help in my life and I have continued to be maintain an affair free marriage since I sought help. Best wishes to you.

Thanks Art i have had a relaps and went back into chat at the first of the year but realised it was wrong.I believe it is up to the person to break the sexual addiction only they can do it.I have deffinatly turned to God for help thats a must to do this.Im glad to hear someone else do this but i am afraid that it has ruined my marriage.I would suggest to any couples who's spouces spend alot of time on the computer to question it,check behind them and make them accountable.That might have saved my marriage before the affiars happened.May God bless everone in here that is in pain from this,it has changed my life.

Another thing to do is purchase an internet filter and be accountable to someone. I am the accountability friend for several guys on their filters.

There are great accountability groups you can attend depending upon where you live. Your wife needs to see that you want to change. And see needs to see the change. I know guys who their wives left for the same reasons you stated and they came back when they sought help and stayed on track with counseling and accountability. Put a plan in place with your wife that shows the steps you will take and stick to the plan.

What kind of accountability groups are you referring to i would like to look into that.As far as the computer i dont go on it much anymore.Im glad to hear people make it through this i hope i can get another chance.I am willing to do anything and i hope someone else struggling with this will seek help before its to late.Thanks again.

Sexaholics Anonymous or SA is one such group. Some churches sponor groups, there is one in particular called CelebrateRecovery. If you were to do a google search for sexual sobriety or the words to the groups above you should find some information. A lot of these are located across the US and in some other countries. Big cities like Dallas and Atlanta usually have them spead all over the place.