I do not want the property anymore. It means nothing to me without him. It was our dream I thought. The three years before this last, he was my life. In my heart I was already married to him. My love was always true. I don't if I can follow through with a lawsuit against him, I don't think I have it in me.

I have been praying on this today. My prayer first started out for God to purge him from my heart, it ended with the prayer that never fails - "Father, your will be done".

I am addicted to this man and I have to find a way to end it. Would a lawsuit help me to stop loving him? That is all I want now, for him to be gone from my heart and the obsession in my mind to end.

Yes.

OK,
this may sound stupid, but please don't drink like that again. You scared me half to death.

You are worth to much. Way to much.

SS

I don't know what to tell you about getting him out of your mind, but I do know God will help you reach worthy goals. Sometimes it takes years, but he does.

Many times it has taken me a long time to understand, but always, always, after I get it, I see he couldn't have rushed it, or I would not have gotten it.

I know you can get the same help I get.

SS

Okay. It made everything hurt much more, so I am not going to even drink wine again for a very long time.

My dad was an alcoholic SS, but I am not. I was raised on Jim Beam as cough syrup even as a small child.

For my 19th birthday I rec'd from my dad a silver plated Jack Daniels bottle holder, with a bottle of JD and his motor home parked at the beach for all my friends and me to party in for the whole weekend.

No, I won't be drinking again.

I'm sorry I scared everybody, even 2long I know. And TT and Miss M were writing post filled with anger. I am so very sorry to all of you, to bring added pain into your lives.

One more for you Weaver. I do love you ya know! Hi SS! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.... Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't' get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil. Ecclesiastes 4:25-27

And Weaver, something a good friend said to me about my M:

Focus your eyes up on Him and not down on him (meaning my H)

I am so very sorry to all of you, to bring added pain into your lives.

I have such high hopes for you. I think you are way, way better, more talented, and have so much more potiential than you seem to think you have. (In these down times.)

I can see you happily married to someone that is all that you dream of.

It is your feelings I worry about - your happiness.

I couldn't see Jack Daniels contributing to those dreams at all.

Now, I realize it takes time, I ought to leave you alone.

SS chuckles - Signs off.

Well I did manage to go out and cut the grass. Did some major weed wacking too.

My 23 yo nephew came over tonight so I could sew up his baseball uniform, he is a coach for the HS team until he goes back to college next fall.

He asked me how I was and I asked him if he thought Dan had conned me to get the property and he said no, he didn't think so. He said he is just a messed up loser. He said he is incapable of decency, hence the message breaking up with me over the phone. He probably wanted to make it work with me but couldn't do the time and probably met someone else just recently.

He said in a very sincere 23 year old way "I hate to say it, but for me the best way to get over someone is to go out with someone else. You are the prettiest 46 yo I have seen and I am going to fix you up with someone I know". I said please give me six months to get my head together or I will scare the daylights out of him. LOL

Now this convo did not make me feel better, only worse. I don't know why.

I think Dan had good intentions at one time, but between my AO's and his addiction to the bar life it just fell apart. I hope against hope still that what is happening is not real, but I do believe now that he met someone else just recently and now is justifying his treatment of me with my AO's and then saying that it is over because of my lack of understanding and all the turmoil, is rationalization.

But the part I can't get past is the trip and him laying blame at my feet that I was not understanding of his dad having risky surgery. Especially since it was all a lie. Where does one go with that, he can't possibly be able to justify that in his twisted head. Can he?

Not the same situation as an actual legal marriage but the time we lived together and even this last year of living apart sure feels like I was married. No legal vows were made but I was very much married to this man for all practical purposes, and especially in my heart.

I guess I am hoping that SH can tell if he conned me. This is something that I need to know. It is too horific for me to believe I loved someone who would do this cruel thing. I need to know. I am still determined to get over him for good and break this bad addiction I have to him, but I need to know where and how to file this chapter in my head, to be able to move on. I need to be able to understand what he has done and for what reason. It is driving me insane.

Your nephew is right on about his observation, though you're right that you need time.

Try 2 enjoy stuff, if you can.

-ol' 2long

I will 2long, and you do the same.

Weaves, I had posted this to you earlier this morning, and then deleted it, but I am going to go ahead and post it again and you can take it or leave it. . . it's just my opinion. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

From the very begininng of this horror, I have had a difficult time believing that your xbf was actively, consciously plotting against you. . .in regards to the island and everything else. I held my breath and watched as he made such great strides when there was no pressure or expectations between you -- I'm smiling as I'm remembering your sharing glimpses of his kindnesses and generousity, his helping you with your proeprties, etc. I just cannot fathom that all of that was done without one wit of concern for you or your feelings, that he never loved you. It's incomprehensible; your instincts are just not that wrong!

The only thing I can come up with in my heart is that he is truly a confused and tortured soul, and has no idea what he truly wants out of life. Is it another woman? Is it due to your AO? Weave, hun, there may be more to this picture than I am aware of, but the 2 AO you listed were mere smoke bombs compared to the lit lightning rods some men would have experienced! Those were called-for AOs in my book! No matter, it sounds like by then his mind was made up regardless, and you only gave him a means to an end. He is wounded, Weave, but you can't fix him; at this point I don't think anybody can.

I agree with your nephew.

You're too beautiful, too sacred and special, Weave. Love him one last time, in your heart, and let him go.

I'm sorry if this hurts you; please know that bringing you pain would never be my intention. . . I just want you to know that *I* think your instincts on this have always been correct. He never planned it to turn out this way. . . it just did.

Never doubt yourself, babe.


slh

weaver,

I posted on your other thread! I was so mad! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I really hope that you get past this soon. I know that it is hard, but it is stooopid that the good keep getting hurt and the bad come out rationalizing...

Sometimes I HATE reading here, the pain is overwhelming. But I love the support and really want to give back, in the little ways that I can.

KNOW weaver, that even just by being here and reaching out, you are such a great person. Sometimes I get mad about the whole AO terminology, there should be a JAO=Justified AO, butI guess that everyone would think that their AOs were J.
I really hate that we all beat ourselves up, tho, for AOs that were really brought on by sitches out of our control (that we feel stuck in because of caring about another) and LIES!!!! I don't mean to rant, but this whole thing is kinda an example of the CR*p that BSs go thru. And it is so ridiculous that other people seem so heartless and DENSE. I'll be sending these bad vibes out to Dan tho.

Sending my GOOD vibes now (and no JD) your way,
jls

jls,

I read a post that AM Marten posted to Caren about how we react to the actions of a WS. I am trying to come to terms with my outburst because like AM they are so out of character for me, or were I think at one time.

When we post here, we are accepted and supported by people who have been there and understand.

I think this is the most valuable, priceless service anyone could ever receive.

You are a lot like me, I see it in your posts, and your sitch.

I am trying hard not to beat myself up any longer, and trying hard to follow that post of SS about valuing myself. It will be the hardest thing I have ever done I think, to learn to value myself.

I am so very thankful for you and all the people here that I just don't know how to put it into words.

We are going to be fine jls, all of us.

I loved my parents but one was an alcoholic and the other was a gambling addict, both died very prematurely. I have never been able to be angry with them, but I know instinctively that I haven't a clue what it means to be loved. I don't know that I could handle it if I ever got it. I simply don't know what it looks like.

But reading the posts here from people that I have come to respect more than words can say give me an idea of what love looks like.

I know it isn't supposed to hurt. And I know it isn't supposed to bring out the AO's in us.

I don't know anything else though. And I don't know how to change things around.

Dan has done me a favor by severing all contact with me. I can heal if I can't contact him. I know that this is all I need right now. To let go, and to heal. All else will be revealed in time.

For this moment I am at peace. I hope you are too jls.

Yesteray I wrote:

I'm sorry if this hurts you; please know that bringing you pain would never be my intention.


Hey Weave, I just wanted to make sure you were okay today, and that I wasn't way out of line by my post yesterday. I've been thinking of you so often these days and I truly never meant to inflict any harm on you by saying the things I did. I love you, Hon, and thought I was doing the right thing.


slh

I didn't even see that post, until now I went back and read it. I only saw jls's.

No, you didn't hurt me. I value your insight, and I hope for some reason that it is true he is very troubled and not truly evil.

I am talking to SH tomorrow morning because Orchid said he is very good at assessing a sitch, and I need to know what steps I can take to not fall into this again with him. If he ever comes back I have to be strong enough to know the difference between a changed man and one who is still a liar and a cheat. I don't ever want to know this kind of pain again.

I am so ashamed to say I would go back with him, if I could. There is something wrong with me. I need to find out how to change it.

I've been praying a lot and reading some scripture. I need God to guide me now because I am so confused one minute, angry the next, hurt the next, at peace for a moment and then WHAM starts all over again.

I am at work today, first day after vacation so it helps to be here somewhat.


SLH, his blaming me for getting angry about him backing out of our vacation, when he was lying in the first place is such classic fog behaviour. I read it here everyday. I know that is what it is. Don't know how long it has been going on though.

Knowing that there is woman going to be at property we bought for building our house for us and Paige after our wedding cuts me to the core. And that Paige and I won't be spending any time over there this summer hurts.

But hey, he did it to his last three wives, why would it be any different with me. WHEN will he get it. How long can people live that way.

I know it's good he is gone.

stilllovinghim,

I value and luv you too! Thank you for that.

(((Weaver)))

You are the greatest, you know that, right?

- Kimmy

Thanks Kimmy.

I was down in Firefox country last week you know. There is a Firefox museum there but we couldn't find it and kept forgetting until we were already on our way somewhere else.

Breathtakingly beautiful country down there!

weaver:

"But hey, he did it to his last three wives, why would it be any different with me. WHEN will he get it. How long can people live that way."

Most likely, he won't get it. It's now 4 and counting. Thankfully, it's no longer your problem.

-ol' 2long

I know you are right. It is going to take a little time for ME to get it though. I think I got it last summer, don't know how I ended up right back in the same place again.