weaver:

Same reason I keep getting sucked back in2 my own drama.

Like rubbernecking a car accident.

-ol' 2long

My God, I just did a search over my posts this last year and I am so dang dense.

I was trying to find when I started to let him in my life again and start loving him again. It was last Feb. he started coming around as a friend and doing nice things for us.

I read posts of mine when I went into Plan B in August and I was very content after three weeks, after five weeks he started writing and calling like crazy. I let him back in my life until I found out he was only committed to living with me and dating, no strings really or commitment. I WAS DEVASTATED by this last November. I had no contact with him for awhile again and I sounded strong and happy until I let him in in Feb.

I also wrote on here around Thanksgiving that I found piece by telling him that I would sign the island over to him at what I put into it, I wished him well and then joined Eharmony to move on. I couldn't do it, I couldn't start dating. That was in January.

I forgot that I had told him that about the property, he already had that in his head that I would sign it over to him. I forgot all about that, because he couldn't get the money back then.

What am I stupid?????? I sounded so good last summer and fall. I let him back in and he broke up with me and broke my heart all over again.

It's the first time he ever ended it with me btw, and so cold and cruely.

I sound like crap now. What happened to my resolve of last fall and summer not to settle for less than everything.

I know better than this. I was in control, and I gave it up to him.

And he ended it with me because he knew he had me, and I was weak and foolish. I was settling for him being an ahole. Hence the stupid bar scene.

I don't value myself, so why would he? He is not strong enough to do the right thing, and I let him get away with coming and going as he pleased all under the guise of being a friend.

He even told me he was not ready for a commitment.

I dreamed something up in my own head and pretended it was real.

I'm having major enlightenments here. He is troubled but so am I. I was not clear in what I wanted and needed. I didn't even know what I was doing.

I'm getting it now. He is not the only one screwed up.

weaver"

You grew three notches 2day.

-ol' 2long

((weaver))

HE took advantage, MHO. You may be screwed up, but just enuf to get screwed!!!

I gotta go, take D14 to friends and grocery store!

Will check back later,
jls

PS I saw your pic. You really are quite the looker (I'm not hitting on you, tho)!

Dang! And just when I thought something was happening here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Okay, I am jotting down questions for Mr. Harley in the morning.

I told my daughter she had to stay in the house tonight (with no friends over and hang out with me) so this is to be quick.

What I hope to accomplish:

To have a good, healthy lasting relationship some day, if not possible with him because of his issues than with someone else.

And how can I learn to have a healthy relationship if I have never been in one.

If he calls or I run into him, what should I say? Should I confront or is that the old me I am trying to change.

What can I do to heal, to move on and become whole on my own?

I feel I can't date for a very long time, but then how will I learn to relate to healthy men?

What does healthy look like in a man? And what does it look like when a man is able to commit?



2long, thank you for your support and faith in me. It means so much because in my eyes, yrzee boss! You rock!

What I hope to accomplish:

To have a good, healthy lasting relationship some day, if not possible with him because of his issues than with someone else.

And how can I learn to have a healthy relationship if I have never been in one.

If he calls or I run into him, what should I say? Should I confront or is that the old me I am trying to change.

What can I do to heal, to move on and become whole on my own?

I feel I can't date for a very long time, but then how will I learn to relate to healthy men?

What does healthy look like in a man? And what does it look like when a man is able to commit?

Now you are getting somewhere.

Keep thinking along these lines. I wish I could talk more.......there's never enough time.


One of the ways you can recognize healthy is that when you set boundaries, the man respects them.

You get honesty, not what they think you want to hear.

I can't believe I have to go, just when you have a major breakthrough. Say hi to P for us, and do spend that time with her. BOTH of you need it.

SS

Hi everyone, and thank you once again for evening bothering to read to this muck.

I spoke with S.Harley this morning and he was worth every bit of the money, just to hear his take and advice to me.

We didn't really get around to talking about my questions, as we spent most of the time talking about the sad state of my emotional involvment with Dan, and his inability to have a lasting relationship.

He said he had two takes, one that Dan had conned me because of the finality and timeline of the breakup messages.

He found that very baffling because he normally people do not break up with that much finality.

He said the other take would be me my reaction to his cancelling the trip due to his dad's surgery (I had no reason to believe it was not true at that time). I do know his dad was gravely ill, but I don't know if his mom would have known about the surgery. Seems like she would have but this man left her years ago and Dan may not call her with reports.

He said my reaction was very telling to him of the bad state of the relationship. I have been obsessed and let go of my own life, Dan was my life. And this is true. It was very unhealthy even if I didn't even realize what I had allowed to happen. Dan had total control over my emotional state. Always has.

Steve said that a lawsuit would have value to me in that it would end my emotional attachment and I could move on. He said I would have NO LOVE left in the ole love bank after that.

I talked to another lawyer today who said he would take the case, thought it was a crap case and he would not take it unless I walked in with $7500. up front and that would get us to trial.

He said he would rather be Dan's lawyer, because his lawyer would get the gravy case.

It would take a year to go to trial and would require much time and depositions.

He would take it but made me promise to tell everyone that he advised against it. He does not like to be seen as the kind of atty who just takes people money when they very might well lose. He said I could win but he would have NO guarantee of the outcome. He said the jury might rule against me on the grounds of stupidy. Yep, he really said that. But he said it might go my way, and it would definately cost Dan a whole heap of money and grief.

SH and I agreed that a plan of NC with Dan what so ever for 6 months was necessary to get me back on track in my life and to be even able to see anything logically. Dan has that much hold on me, and as a master manipulator he could easily be back in my life as he pleased.

He said because of the level of the emotional involvement it must treated as an affair. NO CONTACT.

He said I would have to be vigilant, and to seek the support of friends to be able to maintain NC with him if he tries to see me.

We talked about what it would take for Dan to change a bit and that it would take motivation. He has no motivation to change for me. Never has because I always settled for whatever he offered me. Again my inability to maintain my own emotional health in a relationship with him.

So my goal is to become strong again and get back what I have lost of myself and my life.

It has been such an emotional day today.

Oh and the atty said that he would have to file on several grounds, fraud, misrepresentation (I forget what else) and that he may be able to get me some money on an emotional duress something or other.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Weaver,

I'm glad you're out and about - trying to sort this all out.

The news from the lawyers is disappointing.

Do you have any dirt on Dan? Tax evasion, embezzelment, old crimes...?

What is his weakest point? Where is he most vulnerable?

What if you talked to his kids (and grandkids) - tell them what's happened and that all you want is to undo the land deal - or even better - get a fair price?
Dan want's to retain their respect, right? Of course, if he's a prime charmer, he's got them wrapped up too, I suppose.

Is there any chance for a reverse con on him?

What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

-AD

Hi Faith!

AD,

A con for him? Sure but it would take more than I got right now. My only condolense at this point is it is a small town and every one is going to know what he has done, because I don't have a lot of friends but my friends have a lot of friends and so on.

Right now, I just hate him. I am filled with rage. Not the kind where I will go out and do something stupid and violent but a slow burning "women scorned" rage, as Pep said to Coach, but then it changes to misery often. But if I don't get any kind of sign soon that this has not been deliberate and that he used Paige and me as a means to an end, it might change to dileberate, calculated revenge. I don't know. It sure beats the hell out of depression and dispair.

I could get my act together and use my charms to screw him, but that would take discipline and time.

I might though. Just might give me some of that spunk I seemed to have lost back.

To have a good, healthy lasting relationship some day, if not possible with him because of his issues than with someone else.

Weaver... what does this mean?

GC

It means nothing Gray, absolutely nothing.

I think I know what I am going to do. It just hit me.

s*rew the high road, and always trying to be the good person.

Why not be the user for a change and show other users what it feels like?

Why not?

AD has given me the only idea I can stomach right now.

Gray, he totally *ucked me. He care's nothing for what he has caused me or anyone else.

So why not play to win for once. Why not play THEIR game?

Gray,

He likes the way I look. That is probably the only thing he likes about me, couple with my sensuality. And my ace in the hole. He is attracted to me physically. He likes thrills! That is his weak spot.

I could get my property back by playing his game. And I don't even care about the property. I want him to know what pain feels like.

I honestly believe now that he used me. He is on to the next women who won't expect anything from him, but has financial assets. I KNOW it, I think.

He's going to be having a good, roaring summer on the property with all his stupid parties, while he cares not what that has cost me.

If he cared at all, he would have let me know by now. If it was just cuz he was mad at my reaction to his cancellation of the trip.

This gives me energy, Gray. I just can't be the victim again.

>So why not play to win for once. Why not play THEIR game?


Because you'd FEEL FILTHY afterwards. Really. Do you think you could play it and NOT have it affect your character???? Look what it's done to Dan.................

You are so far better sister....eons more advanced morally. AND THAT'S WHY IT HURTS SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Belive me. I know what I'm speaking of.

- Kimmy

Weaver,

I want to appologize for casually making such an immature (and irresponsible) suggestion. It was just something I fired off on impulse. Now, I'm rather desparate to talk you out of it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

There are many problems with that path.

Before you go off on that - sit down and count the life-cost.

So, I'm sorry I suggested that. Stupid of me really.

Your life (and time) are more important than the money, and the only thing good you can get out of him - is the money.

Forgive me - and forget the idea of conning the man.
Listen to SH instead of me.

OK?

-AD

PS. Live like you want your daughter to live 20 years from now.

I already feel dirty. Don't you see? I have been used by men probably all my adult life.

I took care of my alcoholic dad for five years. With a baby under one arm and dad in the other, going from ER, to jails to rehab to court, and then starting all over again until he finally killed himself. Endlessly for five years.

I was brutally attacked and beaten in Reno by some stupid loser who I worked with in Reno when I was a bartender. What did I do, nothing. Came home and told no-one.

Coach would have a field day with me for this I am sure. I know so what Precious has gone through.

I've had it. I need to fight back, and I don't think court is going to cut it.

I'm fine. I just need to stand up for myself, for once and show this SOB that I am not a stupid weakling, little love sick girl who would give everything for his non extistance love.

What is so wrong with that? It makes perfect sense to me.

And maybe all it will take is for me to get my act together and live well, I just have to do something besides sit here trying to find the energy to go get a keyboard and read the bible. Maybe that is as far as it will go, but I know that everyday I am on this board now, trying to be a good person I am slowly dying in agony.

I love you all, but I have to get away from here and fight back somehow.

Weaver,

You are really hurting a lot right now.

I'm feeling like an idiot for making any suggestions to you at all.

<fill in all the usual cliches here>

Don't make me cry.

We are all rooting for you.

How's your relationship with DD's dad?
Is DD going for the weekend for father's day?

I'd hate for you to be alone. Get a girlfriend and go do something that has nothing to do with men. OK?

<more usual cliches here>

I don't know what to say - except... that the past is the past. Make a future one step at a time - that you can be proud of.

ARGHH. I keep trying to say...

All I can say is I feel really bad for you.

-AD

Hey Weave,

Go to the movies - OK?

No! Even better, find some kind of concert that you usually never go to, dress up and take DD with you. Search around for such a thing, plan it, do it!

-AD

OK, here's the wacky thing to do...

http://www.music.washington.edu/faculty/index.php?pg=event_detail_box&ID=28473

Is that within driving range?

A reading of Joyce's Ulysees <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> It will probably bore your DD to death! But afterwards you and she can make fun of it - mock the pomposity of it (if it's pompous), but maybe she's altogether too young.

But find something to take your mind off this mess! OK?

-AD

Weaver:

The best revenge isn't.

-ol' 2long