MIL just called me - she's not been returning my calls for three days. Said she had a conversation w/ h on Tues. (the night he was SUPPOSED to come over) that has kept her from sleeping. He asked her how she would feel if he had a baby - a child of his own. She asked if Sweetie was pregnant, but he never would answer her. Just kept asking the same question over and over again. I am falling apart. I am just falling apart. She said he had to ask Sweetie's permission to talk w/ her (My mom's on the phone, do you mind if I talk to her a minute.) He's so confused and isolated. Told his mom he didn't want a divorce, was never getting married again. I wonder how far this manipulating little ...... is going to go now. H has NOT filed for divorce, says he doesn't know what he wants. But he's getting worse and worse into this depression. I know that if she is pregnant, it's the end for us. I need your help - please.

He’s very confused, so hang on. Don’t try & figure anything out except yourself right now. Don’t make a decision about baby/divorce until you find out for sure and then wait some more. He hasn’t filed for divorce, so he doesn’t seem to want one.<P>If she is manipulating him, then he’s gonna get tired of it sooner or later.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Whoa girl.<BR>Take those deep breaths. We've all been practicing them enough we can do them in Sync.<BR>Now You know that there are plenty of people right on this forum who have made it through what you are suspecting.<BR>Don't jump to conclusions. You will only make yourself sick. Take little bits at a time. There is NOTHING that you can't overcome. I believe that.<BR>Sometimes I wonder how many times we have to feel like the world is caving in. We feel like that but we get back up. Remember all the times you've picked yourself up??<BR>DON'T listen to anything that even the most well meaning friend or relative says. It is all in their perception and it get changed. Remember the game of passing a story round the campfire? How many times do things change through perception?<BR>Don't you hate it when I ramble???<BR>Relax! Think of all your accomplishments.<BR>Did you read Daycare Disaster's thread today? I gave her a couple of hints about perceptions. Check it out if you haven't.<P>You will see that you can overcome anything and become stronger for it!!!!<BR>

lostva,<P>Oh, I'm sorry. At least he's trying to get someone else's opinion besides hers. That is good.<P>Take deep breaths. Count. Recall your strength. Pray. Post. But realize you WILL get through this.<P>sending hugs your way!!!! (((hugs)))

Lori, Just because she may be pregnant does not mean that your marriage is over! That little ***** is doing whatever she can to keep him including probably lying to him about being pregnant. I know this is a step backwards but it's not the end. Someday this mid-life thing will be over and he will see what a total jack [censored] he has been. You just have to wait it out. Believe me my husband is far from over his mid-life crisis. He was here today and we talked about him moving back permanently next Sat. He said OW is having a fit about it and doing whatever she can to keep him there with her.Later he got a message on his cell phone from her saying that she needed to talk to him before he left town. When he called her back OW daughters said that OW was really angry about some things she had been told about my H where she works. For one thing he doesn't know even one person in the town she works at and for another I know for a fact that before he started this internet affair that my H has never even gone to the bar without me. He was always home with me and the kids. He was always home right after work ect. She has also lied to him about other things and he is now relizing all of the lies he has been told. To make a long story short is even though he was pissed as hell when he left he still rushed "home" to discuss this with her. So even though he loves me and wants to mend things here there is still an attchment there and withdrawel is going to be hell. This whole infidelity thing is like a really hard job and maybe if we all just keep working hard in the long run it will pay off well. <BR> I wish I could be there to give you a hug. I'm feeling quite frustrated myself at this minute. Another Friday night alone. Just me and my 1 jack Daniel whine cooler. Join me later for a toast.

Lostva,<P>Are you journaling? <P>Hope it is helping.<BR>TNT

Deep breaths, deep breaths. It's what I have dreaded and suspected IF it's true. Sorry guys, I have the flu and everything is amplified now. But I feel like I'm being pummeled (sp) and I don't have the strength to get up again. He called again tonight and told d he was coming over in the morning. He needs to pick up some tools and wants to visit a little. Like I've said before, most everything he owns is still here. It's been a bad week. I had d's best friend and the mother of another of her good friends call because they were concerned about her. Didn't need to tell me. She's not eating, refusing to sleep in her room, sleeps in H's study, surrounded by his things. I've found her crying a couple of nights. We're slowly (well, not so slowly) but definitely surely sinking financially. I won't be able to meet the bills this month, can't repair the house to sell it, and now this. You know, I've thought about it a lot, especially since I've been on this board. I could handle that, I really could. Here or w/ her, I could love that child. I love ALL children. It wouldn't make a difference to me, make things harder, absolutely, but I could do it, I know I could. But HE couldn't. I've known him too long. Oh,no, crying again. Time is supposed to make this better, why am I getting worse. And you wanna hear something stupid, I keep needing to talk to my dad. I'm still missing him and I need to talk to him now. That's beside the point, but I guess losing him is still so fresh - it's only been a few months. Deep breaths - again.<P>Chris - thanks. He's told everyone he doesn't want to divorce me. When I asked him Monday if he wanted to marry Sweetie, He says "H*** no, Lori, I'm a married man and if we ever divorce, I'm NEVER doing it again." <P>WS - another voice of reason. I know others make it through this - I really believe I could too. I've had this feeling about this though. The whole time. He went through a bad time - real bad - after Papa died and then things got ok. He went to work one day after a wonderful night and morning and came home mad and jumpy. That's when he started talking about leaving me. We've all been trying to figure out what happened that day. I'm gonna check DD's thread first thing. I just am starting to feel like every time I pick myself up, I'm not getting as high as the last time. Earlier this week, I didn't care if I picked myself up or not. Thanks for the encouragement. I'm trying, I really am trying as hard as I can.<P>TnT - He's supposed to go see his mom tomorrow as well, for the first time in over 2 weeks. She's gonna try to get him to finally tell her the truth. Everyone close to him, those who see him at work, says he doesn't love this girl (I can't bring myself to call her a woman) and misses d and I more than he can stand. Strength is fading, I'm afraid. But .... I really don't have much choice, do I? I'm journaling, but they all consist of letters to H. Maybe that's better than nothing. <P>Crazy - I'm so glad you're here too. I know that he's gonna have a hard time breaking this bond w/ her, but I'm so glad for you that he wants to do it. I'll be on a lot tonight. And I haven't for a while, but I may just have a drink, too. Guess I ought to try to eat something, but with this flu - YUCK!<P>Thanks for being there. I don't know if it's true or not but it makes a lot of things fit into place. If he would just TALK to me. He still won't admit to me that he's living there. Said he was out "with the guys" when he had the seizure last Friday night, when he was out with her. He's been intentionally misleading me, even though he told me about her, since he left. Like he didn't want me to give up on him. I can't get myself out of this now. I can't stop being upset and feeling hopeless. I had been this way a couple of days and this just sent me right over the edge. Man - I always write too much. I feel like I need to talk and talk and talk for hours until I'm so tired I can't talk anymore.<P>I'll go read that thread now. And take a few more deep breaths. And pace, and cry and........<P>Lori<P><BR>

Hi Lori-<P>Im here too. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this now TOO. You have had enough. Try not to jump to conculsions. She may not be preggo. This may just be a last ditch effort to keep him. It could very well be a huge hoax.<BR>Thanks for always being there for me. You are an incredibly strong, wonderful, loving person. You deserve happiness and I believe that we all will get that. We just need to keep the faith.<BR>The Lord is working, its just hard to see it sometimes.<BR>Sending a hug right back to you. As always, your in my prayers.<P>Cheryl

Oh Lostva,<P>I don't know what to say to comfort you.<P>I feel it - the anguish!!<P>You are a very strong woman - and even strong women need to let it all out....so do it!!<P>Talk, or type!! Let it all out here..... it takes so much of the "overwhelmed" feeling away by just getting it out...<P>We're here!!!<P>There are positive signs with the family trying to open him up and working towards the good of the situation...perhaps that will be key!!<P>He can't open up to you completely...he's aware that he's hurting you and that will not let him talk for fear of making it worse for you. They don't get that the not talking to us is the worst!!!<P>Hang on Honey!!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

He's coming by tomorrow. I know he won't want to talk much and I never make him. I just wrote him a letter to give him when he leaves. I don't care if it's a lovebuster or not to talk about us - I NEED for him to know this. <P>Dear H,<P>I've wanted to tell you something for a long time now. I've put it off and put it off and I'm just now gonna put it off any more. So here goes. Hold on to it - in case you ever need it. If I never say it again, know that it will still be true - now and forever.<P>I don't know exactly what's going on, but I know that you're not happy. I don't know what it is, but I know that you're in trouble. More trouble than you've ever been in and you don't know what to do. I have no idea what it is, but trust me, I've imagined just about everything. Had a lot of time to think, you know. So, here's what I have to say to you.<P>I love you. I have always loved you and I always will. Whatever trouble you are in, whatever problems you're having, I want you to know that I am here. I promised you a long time ago that I would stand beside you no matter what....and I meant NO MATTER WHAT. There is nothing you could do, nothing that could happen to you that would ever change that.<P>So, whatever this is, whatever you need, please understand that if you need me, I am here for you - 100%. Without fail. There is nothing that life could throw at you that we could not handle together. And if anything happens to you that you don't know how to handle on your own, I am here to help you - to stand by you, NO MATTER WHAT. I always will be.<P>That's it, no more, no less. You can trust that, believe in that and believe in me. I will never let you down. I love you.<P><BR>Love, Lori<P>Ok, that was it - I don't know if it will blow everything or not, but I wrote it and as of right now, I plan on giving it to him. Advice is welcome, and since I still haven't stopped crying yet, so are your prayers.<P>Thanks, guys.<P>Lori<BR>

Lori,<BR>I think your letter is very sincere and to the point. I would be honored to know that my W cared for me the way you do for your H.<P>One suggestion, Reread the letter tommorrow before you give it to him. I have written hundreds of letters to my W to have reread them the next day and realize that it was not what I wanted to say.<P>Personally, I like what you have written though. Be strong and take care<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

Thanks Rutger - I'm hanging on to every post like a lifeline tonight. I don't know how others do it. Tonight I'm sinking and sinking fast. I'm glad you think it will be ok. I don't know. But I know he's hurting and he needs to know. At least I think he does. I don't really KNOW anything anymore.<BR>I've written a ton of them that I never mailed. But mostly 'cause of MAJOR lovebusters - even I have my days, ya know?<P>Thanks a lot.<P>lori

hi Lostva -<P>I think that it is an excellant message of you being a "safe" haven for him and that he can trust you.<P>I don't see it as Lovebusting...you said that you did not know what or why but that you are there for him...<P>Gee, can I borrow it?<P>HUGS and STRENGTH,<P>Sheba<BR> <BR>PS - I think that it is right to go with your gut instinct on this.

Lori--<P>You know I've been specifically checking for your posts, and have kept up with what's going on with you. IMHO, you've left out a very, very important thing in your letter....."I NEED YOU."<P>I love what you wrote. Now add that missing piece.<P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<BR>

Sheba - thanks. It's morning now and I do believe I will go with my instincts on this one. If anything I do, aside from screwing up, will help - feel free to borrow. Wish me luck!<P>Lucks - I was hoping you'd check it out, too. You're right. I've been afraid to say those words, afraid it would be too much pressure. But I'm adding them now. Because I mean them - very much. Thank you. Keep your fingers crossed.<P>Lori

Oh, it's just me again. Nervous as all get out. I've been up FOREVER. I've taken my shower, done my hair, fixed my makeup, done my nails - although with this danged flu, I'm not sure how much difference it makes - I still look like death warmed over!!! Don't know when he'll pop up or what he'll be like when he does. Usually I look forward to his visits. And nothing's changed but me and my state of mind. Back to deep breathing again. But if anyone's out there - HELP!!!<P>Thanks,<P>Lori

Lori,<BR>Relax, You have done all you can do for now.... Think of him in his underwear when you see him that way you won't be nervous ( My mother used to tell me that one ). You have said what you wanted to say in the letter, If he doesn't respond or get it then at least YOU know you tried.<P>We didn't disscuss it but are you going to ask him to read it there or let him read it later? I would let him read it on his own time... Just a thought.<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

I loved the letter. I do not see it as a lovebuster. It may make OW mad - but oh well! <P>And, I would not include the part about "I need you". My husband said that everything I say or do is a demand on him. Demands are lovebusters. And if my understanding is correct, "sweetie" does nothing but demand and control.<P>What do you think your MIL is thinking, and why is she not returning your calls? Is she reconsidering sweetie? I don't understand.<P>Thinking about you so much, and hoping today is better for you.<P>TNT<P><p>[This message has been edited by trustntruth (edited September 25, 1999).]

Rutger - thanks for the encouragement. Unfortunately, if I think of him in his underwear, I'll just get horny! So I guess I'd better think of something else.<P>TnT - I gave him the letter. MIL was avoiding me because she was so worried about a baby - didn't know what to say to me. She finally called 'cause she wanted me to know, AND wanted to see if I would be willing to take the baby IF there was one. No, she sees how Sweetie is destroying H - he looks like a shell of himself. That's the only person I've ever heard her say she hates.<P>I'm posting an update on another thread. Asking for help - yet again. Don't get tired of me yet, ok? <P>Lori