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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 6
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 6 |
i was recently hit with the line that my wife has been very unhappy, she lead before and to my fault i pretty much ignored the warning signs. For the last 6 months i've been in counseling and have made drastic improvments in my ways of handling. but she has not been responsive and hasn't given me a chance to show her i've really made changes. about a month ago she agreed to couples counseling, however, due to the passing of her dad, we had to cancel. now she thinks that were done and does not want to go. HOw can i convince her to give it a try as a last ditch effort? there has been no infidently on either part.....sad and very confused............
thank you
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 8
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 8 |
Do you know what her love language is and have you been making those deposits into her love bank? "Unhappy" is a broad term and it could be that one or many needs are not being met. But for starters you need to get her to respond to something whether it be kind words or compliments, quality time and conversation, gifts, physical touch, or acts of service. Try all 5 (much sacrifice on your part, but definitely worth it) and see which she does respond to and continue making those deposits until she comes around and feels comfortable enough to react. Even the most unhappy persons have some sort of reaction to their love language when you learn to demonstrate it back to them.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,568
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Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,568 |
Well let's see. Form my own personal experience, 9+ years of damage took almost 5.5 years to restore. Your W may not think that your change is really permanent.
How are you doing on stopping all LB's and withdrawals?
If your W is not interested in rekindling the relationship, how do you know that an affair hasn't happened?
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 66
Member
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Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 66 |
There is a new issue here. Your W is greiving for her dad. Doesn't matter if it was sudden or long illness. Show her what you have learned by respecting her need to greive. You can read about the process of greiving...similar steps to going thru a divorce... Either way the info will give you insight on how your W feels right now.
I'd really miss my dad. He gives me unconditional love. Convince your W you will support her during this process she is walking thru with losing her dad. This opportunity for you is unique.
See if you can think of one thing that your W would appreciate and then do it. Add to her love bank and try hard to make no withdraws. You can do this.
Drop the MC idea until she can actually be there for you.
There are so many good ideas on this site for you to read.
Take care of yourself
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 267
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Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 267 |
You have to remember you only have control over your own actions and not the actions of another. So with that in mind do the best you can do showing support, love, and proving you are determined to do all you can do. The idea is don't give up and hopefully the other person will see the your efforts and decide they need to do the same.
Art
Romans 7:24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
Married to my beautiful and gracious wife 26 years
1 son 1 daughter both grown
In SA recovery since July 2003
Christian faith
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 8
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 8 |
IMO you might want to consider whats making her unhappy with you, you've come across as it's her, I have a hard time believing someone you love wants to end it because because.......... Have you really changed or are you convincing yourself you have not her?
Arguements are one sided struggles! Forget your point learn your spouses.
Cheers
Toaste
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