James you realize inspite of what she says...she can legally go to school pick up any or all of the children and take them where she pleases and YOU have no legal stance against this....

do you realize she can expose your kids to his kids and put great pressure that they become instant friends....

do you understand that her words of what she will and will not do are useless promises...

is she drinking
is she using drugs
is she seeing her family or is she isolated from them
is she seeing her friends or is she isolated from them...

do you understand that as this progresses she will play the I want to be a good mom card and will begin to move towards more visitation to play the good mom....and you will be the mean bad dad keeping mom from the kids....

do you realize this....

who is taking care of her financially..
what is she saying since you found out...

you can hold back the info...whatever your comfort level is...
but it makes it difficult to assist you in an action plan...and you need actions...
you gotta move on even while contemplating the how could she mode...
that mode will stagnate you and precious time will be lost...

bobpure....frankd...hosea...mortarman..etc...and many many more brave fathers.....addressed and dealth with their WS on different levels..

in the end there is nothing more admirable than the person who acted the adult for the sake of the children while the other adults played selfish me me me mode....

securing the childrens safety beyond useless words from a liar was the most important step they did....

you would be wise to do the same...

ARK^^

I really don't know where to start. I don't have a lot of money to spend, I don't own a house or anything like that. The only fight would come to be about the kids, and like I said, she doesn't have anything to stand on if it comes to that. I want to move on, I really do. I know I have to do this. Where do I start?

what do you mean you want to move on ?

not sure what you want to do...

seek out support for dads...

seek out parents without partners

look in to local churches...
look in to employee assistant programs..

look at websites that are pro fathers...where men are dealing with crazy women who abandon their children...

the ability to abandon children is a direct red flag in measuring ones psychological health...

when I was on staff in acute inpatient psych unit questionairres included questions about greatest accomplishments....it was a huge red flag to the drs. when a father or mother were so turned in wards and unable to see beyond themselves when they did not list their own children as a great accomplishment..or did not mention they had children etc....


people that abandon children in my opinion are very unhealthy emotionally and mentally....

ARK

What if she ends up wanting to come back? I mean, I am still in love with her, but how could I ever trust her again? Everything I thought we had that was special and meant something has been replaced, degraded and abused by another man? When will that quit making me feel so sick to my stomach, so beaten? How can I stop myself from thinking of that each and every time I look at an old photograph of us, when we talk or when we see one another? Will I ever be able to face it without thinking so horribly of the woman I love, without that feeling of shame and disgust, without all the mental images? I feel so used, made such a fool of and utterly weak. I feel that our life together, our marriage, has been completely violated and feels so irreparable. Should I just forget about reconciliation and try to move on? Am I stupid or crazy for having these feelings, for still wanting to be with her after what she's done? I am just so confused about everything, about what I feel and what I want. I mean, God knows that I love her, even after all of this, but will that love ever be enough to get over all the hurting and the shame? Will I ever be able to just get over it and think of her as I once had? As the wonderful woman I married, the person I love and who loved me in return? Could we ever be happy again? Is that even possible, to live without any of the doubt or speculation, without the fear and the distrust? I don't know? Has anyone ever done so and succeeded?

^ bump up

Maybe MortarMan or one of the other winners will help you.

I'm having a really bad time of this. I just want my wife back! Why am I so weak to sit around crying over her? When will this get any easier? I don't want to move on or get a divorce or any of that. I just want my wife back. It hurts so bad knowing she's with someone else. What did I do that was so bad? I want to be strong but I can't. It's just too hard or I'm just too weak. I feel so lost. I hate this, I hate being like this. Why can't I just not give a damn like so many other people. I feel like I am going downhill. People say it gets easier but it doesn't, it's only getting worse. I don't know what to do...

Have you talked to the OM's wife?

No, I don't know anything about them. I just really need to do something. This is affecting so many parts of my life. It just hurts so bad, I can only think about the day we can start being a family again. I just want her to come home, I miss her so. I know I am an idiot for thinking this way but I can't help it. She's all I ever think about anymore.

James - You might want to try anti-D's. Have you thought of that? They take the edge off the pain so you are able to do the things you need to do.

I am on them. I'd hate to think what it would be like if I weren't. I just cannot bring myself to think of anything else. I am so scared, so confused and withdrawn. If it weren't for my kids, I'd hate to think of what I might do. I only want my family back. I'd do anything for that. I really do love her, I love and miss her so damn much. I wish I could do something about it, something to bring her back home. I want our life back.

then start doing what ark and the others are telling you!!! this is all part of the plan.