Divorced and Divorcing is where I typically hang out but with this question in mind I thought I might get a better prespective here.

Next month will be two years since I moved out of the formers house. Divorce was final 9/04/03. We have 3 children OD is 14, DS is 12 and YD is 9 with her having primary custody and me with visitation.

Mothers and Fathers? At what age is it appropriate for other young boys to stay at home unsupervised. I was talking with our OD earlier and she made a comment to someone. Someone was formers BF's 15 year old son. OD hasa crush on him as he does with her. I guess I ask this question because "I do as I see my Father doing". Yes, when I have the children the former does stay with him and his children, 2 boys 13 and 15. Does the impression or image that Mom presents to him carry over to his impression on our OD. Hmmm, Mom's shacked up with Daddy, I wonder if daughter is the same way?

Our other children are there so three's definately a crowd which allows some protection but I do know what I got into at 15 and from what I can gather these young teenagers are much futher along at this age than I ever was.

Am I wrong for being concerned about what could happen? OD ad I have a very strong and honest relationship and can talk about most anything, and have. But even the best of us fall when temptation is thrust into our own homes.

Trusting-

You probably have every right to be concerned....we all know what the majority of 15 year old boys have on their minds, and I'm sure it doesn't help that your XW "shacks up" with her OM.

I made sure to tell my DD's that it was absolutely WRONG to have a boyfriend or girlfriend when you are married. I didn't talk my FWH down, simply told them that it wasn't right that he had a girlfriend because he was married. This has apparently impacted them greatly, because this weekend my cousin came over to my Mom's to introduce us to his boyfriend. My DD10 overheard me saying this and she said "What?!" I said "Oh Myke is bringing his boyfriend over to meet Grandma" She said "His BOYFRIEND?!?!" (Silly me thinking that she was upset because it wasn't a *girlfriend*) I said "Yes, dear his boyfriend" She said "Ummmm isn't he married?". From the mouths of babes. He is indeed married, he has been for a long time, but they've been separated the majority of their marriage due to his discovery that he was gay. They didn't divorce, for reasons unbeknownst to me....but he IS married.

Just wanted to point out how impressionable they really really are.

-Caren

P.S. - My daughters are 13 and 10.

Concerned!

Last night I had the children and I was doing my best to not call their Mother and ask her if she really felt it was in the best intrest of our daughter to have that much unsupervised time with a young man that she is intrested in. After an evening out and listening to them I discovered that this young boy had spent the night with them the previous night.

Duh! If he was a friend of our son's it might make a tad bit more sense but because of their age differences tht's unlikely. Our son is better friends with BF's younger son. But when I heard that OD and BF's son had fallen asleep on the couch.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Well, it was time for a walk around the block and some time in prayer.

I did approach OD about this and expressed my concerns about what could happen under these circumstances. She mentioned that Mom thought it was cute that she had a crush on her BF's son. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> After voicing my concerns and listening to her I asked if there was any inappropriate behaviour going on.

Her reply, well it seems that BF's son was making out with OD's cousin who had also spent the night. This of course made OD mad at both her cousin as well as BF's son. The conversation went along the lines of if this, boy knows that you like him and he appears to like you but is willing to make out with your cousin. What does that tell you about him?

She replied: "That he's a worthless piece of trash who has no respect for girls or their feelings. And Daddy, I have to tell you that I made out with him too. I was so angry when I saw him and cousin that I did not want anything to have to do with either of them. But cousin and I talked after Mom picked him up and took him home and neither of us want anything to do with him. He's so disgusting. If he would do this when he knows I like him what would he do if we were older and married? Probably have a girlfirend too."

So...concerns were validated, daughter was honest, (something that she and I have had for quite some time) and after the conversation she thanked me for listening and not lashing out at her for this mistake. So I continue to pray that she always makes proper decisions and when not that she is honest enough with herself and me to be able to talk about them. So far so good. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />