I have been married for almost 4 years. We have worked opposite schedules since we married and have grown more and more apart. This last year has been very difficult. I started my own business while my wife worked more and more to cover us. I began drinking more and more to escape. She became more and more resentful. Our sex life came to a standstill. We bickered all of the time. I knew something was bound to happen and it finally did. We seperated in Jan and began counseling only to find out in march she was having an affair. I have since taken the time to look at what I was doing and started making some major changes. I quit drinking a couple of months ago and started counseling. I was diagnosed with adult attention deficit disorder and began taking meds. I became more responsible for myself and got my own bank account and vehicle. I am committed to these changes regardless of the outcome of my marriage. But obviously, I want to save it. We haven't talked much the past couple of months, and the times we have she says she wants to move on. She still hasn't filed, but when I brought that fact up she says it will happen soon. I have tried to not call, but its very hard. I read all of the articles on this website and am trying to form a plan. I believe she may be staying with him. The last time I saw her I gave her some information on my disorder. I think her biggest fear is me going back to the way I was. I'm not sure what to do. I'm willing to do what I can to save this. I know this isn't the most informative post, and I will answer any questions.Please help

josch, when you've been lost and hazy, what has she done to help you?

My advice to you is to not show her how you're broken, but instead to show her how you're fixed, and for yourself, to actually, honestly, truly be fixed.

Good luck. Post more! How did you find out about the affair?

GC

Towards the end she did nothing. In fact she even gave me beer money. I found out thru our shared cell minutes. I just spoke with her and she says her mind is made up. I asked if she would wait on the papers and she said yes. She admits that I've changed, but says its too late. I told her she in time she may change her mind. i told her I wouldn't call her anymore and that she may hopefully call me. What can I do in the meantime? I don't want to give up, but she seems so sure. I don't want to wait forever. She told me what she is doing is her business.

I'm on NOW josch - if you wnt to "talk"

I'm a guy - 40-something. My W had/is haveing an A. We're Ding.

-AD

what is ding?

Josch,

Were you ever abusive when you were drinking?

Sorry, I meant Divorcing.

D'ing == Divorcing

Do you think your W got started with the D when you were starting the business - or was something going on a long time?

It started in october after things where pretty bad.

How old are you guys?

(I'm keeping my posts short in hopes that you won't wander off while I write something longer)

I'm 33 and she is 31.

You didn't figure it out until she left?

How did you find out? Who is the guy - somebody she works with?

I found out after she left-he's a coworker

And you're just now getting a vehicle and a bank account?

I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but that's somewhat unusual. Do you live in the big city where you can get by without a car? What kind of business could you have in which you wouldn't need a bank account?

Sorry, just curious - probably has nothing to do with your marriage.

Were you sharing her car?

Did you have bank accounts before marriage but made them joint when you guys got together?

=AD

Working opposite shifts is a big problem in a marriage - often leads to a breakdown in the relationship. Did you always do that? How did you guys get together?

She always took care of the bills. I lost my account after I opened my business because it went negative.

I'm guessing he's not married. If he is, does his wife know about the affair?

Were you renting? Both of you on the lease? When she left, were you able to keep living where you were? Did she immediately stop paying for things?

Unfortunately we always have. We met at a party when she was 16 and I was 18. Sort of dated for a couple of years and then we bothed moved to Minneapolis. I was a mess when I was younger and she was my caretaker. She cheated on me after 5 years together. AFter being apart for a year, we got back together and got married less than a year later-which was a mistake. It was good for awhile, but we fell into our old patterns pretty quickly.

Sorry for so many questions.

I'm hoping that somebody will be able to help - if you get more of your story told here.

I'm not a drinker - don't have any experience with that - don't know much about it - except it can cause big problems.

But whatever you did - whatever your problems - it doesn't justify your wife's A.

Have you always been faithful to her? Is she taking revenge in some way?

I'm assuming you don't have kids.

Oh, is this the first marriage for both of you?