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I still live in our apartment and she pays her half.
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So, did she just get tired of the caretaker role - and want somebody to take care of her? It sounds like both of you have had your problems. Did she make most of the $$$? Why didn't you ever try to get onto the same shift? I'm just full of questions. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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This our first marriage-no kids-and i have been faithful.
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Maybe-but it seems like she can't be alone. She likes working nights.And yeah, she made more money.
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... but no answers yet... from me.
It sounds like you are taking some positive steps - but she's not ready to believe in you again. Because of your long history, I doubt that she's just going to go off and forget about you - unless she's found somebody sober, fun, well-employed, who works the same shift as her - and takes care of her.
Ouch!
Could be you took her for granted for a long time - and the other man doesn't - yet.
The only thing you can do is keep working to improve yourself. If she sees it and likes it and her new situation isn't so wonderful, you'll have a chance. If it doesn't work out that way, you'll still have the benefit of your self-improvements. It's a no-lose approach!
Yet, I know from personal experience that it's really hard to go forward without hope. So, hope has to come from somewhere.
-AD
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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But she already admitted he's not nearly as funny as I am-and humor is important to her-not that anything I've posted has been comical.
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This web site has some really helpful information under the "concepts" link at the top of the page. You'll have to swim against the ADD to read all of that, but it's worth your time for sure. Sorry, but I'm going to sleep now, but I hope you'll stick around or be back. Hopefully, some other wise folks will come along and help out. At least I've dug some information out of you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> G'night. -AD
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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Thanks for your help. Any help from anyone would be greatly appreciated.
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But she already admitted he's not nearly as funny as I am-and humor is important to her-not that anything I've posted has been comical. OK, I'm not gone yet. This humor thing is important. It is one of my shortcomings. My W's OM apparently does a much better job in the humor department. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> OK, I'm really going to bed now. Just to explain. W has been staying in another bedroom for ... ??? can't remember - maybe 3-4 months. She sneaks off to see OM sometimes. Anyway, I'm planning to move out this weekend. (she doesn't know that) We are planning to D in a few months anyway - and I have another place to live. I want to break this pattern. more in a sec.
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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If you're still here, I was telling my story. (nobody listens to it anymore <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)
I've been posting on here for 4 years already.
W moved out when our daughter was 6 months old. It just about killed me - not that my w moved out, but that she took our baby. I was so afraid - that I would lose my child. After 18 months, we bought a house and moved back in together. I thought OM was history. But he wasn't. Anyway, she still talks to him, sees him, goes to his apartment in the middle of the night etc. I'm tired of this.
Our daughter is 4.5 years old now. I'll get visitation - 10 overnights per month. So, I can live with that.
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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Thats pretty rough. It sounds like you really invested some time.
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Thats pretty rough. It sounds like you really invested some time. Well, OM has been in the picture for almost our entire 6.5 year marriage. She started out emailing him (overseas), then phone calls ($8000 worth), then when she went to visit her folks (in e europe), he showed up there - then another year or so later, he showed up in our town here in the US - on a student visa. etc. etc. etc. I'm tired.
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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I implemented plan B with a simple text. I asked her what needs i haven't been meeting that he is and she said all of them-which i know is probably typical. she knows i have addressed all of my responsibilties in creating this situation, and have made major changes. i told her i would continue with or without her.i texted "i love you as my wife and best friend.if you miss me and want to come back and fix our marriage let me know. please keep this text-its the last. you are beautiful beyond words"
now i guess its time to really let go. i also read the tough love post and it helped. i will continue to post and seek help. thank you to anyone who helps me thru this and relates. i will try to do the same.
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G'mornin' Josch,
Keep up the "self-improvement". With your long history, I think she'll be back to take a look sometime - and you need to be as ready as you can.
-AD
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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