It's been a few months since I've been here. For those of you who don't know or don't remember, my STBXH left me whilst having an A with a 15 year old student of his last year.

I'm now past the point of ever wanting to get back with him. The emotional scars I have from all of this still bleed whenever I think of it and I feel sick and it's just getting worse. I'm wondering if the reason I still feel so sick is because the girl (now almost 17) is still a student of his and I have no way of knowing how long or how far their relationship went. The last I heard was a few months ago when a former student of his told me that he was told by my H that my H had taken the girl to his house and had "done it" with her.

When I think about it I become physically ill and for some reason all I can think of is how I want to end my life. I know it's really stupid to think that way but that's just what pops in my head. I wonder if I feel that way because I never reported it. I told the girl's parents and the girl admitted to them about the kissing and touching but said they hadn't slept together. When I told the parents what I had heard from the other student they basically blew me off and stated that thier daughter said that the relationship was purely student/teacher and that they believed her and will continue to let her take his course.

The reason I went to the parents and not DCFS was because when I was young and was abused I had to go through that and it really sucked but it stopped it from continuing. I wonder if I made the wrong choice not to report him or report what I know. I guess I've always been afraid. He told me if I reported him I would be the one who would get in trouble because I didn't have enough proof and no one would believe me.

Anyway, my suicidal thoughts subsided when I decided that I probably should report what I know but one again I'm hesitating. Is it the right thing to do?

On another note, he's finally started up the DV paperwork. He wants to do it all without lawyers and I'm not very keen on that idea but I still can't afford a lawyer of my own. My dad says he can probably come up with the money to help me in a couple of months but I really don't want to have to wait that long. I still have things at his house but I can't bear to go over there anymore; not after hearing that she's been there in my bed. He still won't let me have my cat and claims that he's lost all of my photo albulms. I've spoken to a lawyer and they said that since the cat was mine before we got married that I can get a court order to have her returned to me but since all of my papers that show that she was mine were in our bedroom when he made me leave I have no idea where they are now since he removed all of my belongings shortly after.
Anyway, I guess there's not much change in that. I guess the reason I decided to come back here is because my decision whether to call DCFS or not is weighing heavily on me. He works with individuals aged 10 and up. By not reporting what he did with this 15 year old am I leaving it open to happen again?

I

Adult having sex with a minor in the UK is statutory rape and paedophilia.

This goes WAY beyond infidelity issues here.

If that was my 15 YO daughter I would kill your husband like a sick dog in the street.

If you have proof or witnesses that your H had a sexual relationship with a 16 YO, I think it is your duty to report him and inform her parents.

Sorry, I know that sounds black and white but as a dad of a little girl ONLY THREE YEARS younbger than the girl in your sit makes me feel physically sick.

None of this is your fault. NONE of it. It seems like a sickness or a perversion your H has.

All blessings ivy. What a mess....

I did tell her parents but they chose to keep her in his class. I feel like maybe I didn't do enough to stop it.

* mouth hanging open *

Her parents sanctioned an adult teacher screwing their daughter ?

Holy God, where IS this, GOMORRAH ??

I'll pray Ivy. WIthout the backup of her parents I guess you'll have little to support any police report.
All blessings

Laws differ from place to place...age of consent is 14 in Canada, but is not sanctioned at 15 if the suspect is "a person in authority" such as a teacher. The laws are typically less liberal in the States. I have no doubt it is illegal there and echo the revulsion stated by Bob.

Child abuse/Sex crime investigators usually are skilled interviewers and a report of such can be verified by the victim. She may not feel like she wants to give a statement now, but a skillful investigator can change those dynamics. It may also lead them to physical evidence and further witnesses.

You don't have a choice where I sit. Her consent is not an issue, we as responsible adults must look out for our youth and fight evil such as this at every turn. As a teacher he may prey on future children if he hasn't already. To do nothing is to aid and abet his behavior.

Hello Ivy,

Good to see you back here.

I know you will be relieved to have the D done. You can probably get some standard paperwork from a book - as long as you make sure it is specific for your state.

I thought your H was a fencing teacher at a gym. Did I get it wrong? Is he a public school teacher?

How's your job going?

-AD

Report your WH. There should at least be an investigation into his behavior. He could and should go to jail. Did the parents not believe you or are their standards of behavior completely wacko? Do they think kissing, touching and screwing a teacher is okay? Maybe it's just this one "special" girl for him. But what if this whole sweet young thing is turning him on? What if his obsession escalates into girls who are less willing? I would not want my daughter so endangered! Your silence could hurt innocent children.

You are well rid of this piece of filth.

He teaches fencing for some of the local park districts and their view on this type of behavior is not tolorated at all. So if there is an investigation into it I'm sure he would be fired and yes, it is definitly illigal here what he did. In the state of IL if the victim is under 18 and over four years younger than the other person involved it is a felony.

As for her parents these are the letters that they sent me back.:
This after I met with them and the girl admitted to the kissing and such:

MM,
Please DO Not worry about J or us. W will never find out that you saw us or talk to us. I hope you & W can reconcile. We have told J if she disobey our order she NO longer is allow to do any fencing....and that is final. Do not repay me the $. It is a little something to help
you. It came from the LORD. J has promised me it is only teacher & student relationship and nothing more. I'm there at the fencing place whenever J goes until we feel comfortable about the situation. Good luck and you are in my prayer. Pls keep me update if you learn something
that affect us. Thank you again for coming to us. We greatly
appreciated.
R


And this after I showed them my correspondence with another student of his where I was told that my H said that he had "done it" with the girl.:

Hi M,

Thanks for your email. J assured us there was really no other relationship except student-teacher. I'm sure you know how people are. They are unforgiving and human are just "BAD". People just love to pick on others which is sad.... I don't understand why we on earth just cannot get along. Personally I think W is just being very nice to all his students overall because he needs his students to keep his job. You have warned me he can sweet talk very well. Thanks for that warning.

M (her H) and I continue to watch J closely. It is very hard to find another competitve fencing club near home. We will discuss with J again. Hope you are doing well. How are you and Will getting along?

Thanks

R

Maybe it is true that the relationship is "student/teacher" now, I have no way of knowing now. None the less isn't this a strange response? I can't tell if they just blew me off or that they really believed that. I don't know if I mentioned before that the girl has a history of trying to cut her wrists so I've had the feeling that the parents are afraid of upsetting her in fear she might do something like that again.

Wow!

I wonder what they think a student/teacher relationship should be?!

Maybe they know a lot more. Maybe this is a regular thing with her.

Was she the pursuer?
Was she coming after him - just trying out her newfound "womanhood"?

Even if she was, I can tell you, if it were my daughter - neighborhood dogs would still be bringing home pieces of him.

She claims to have been the pursuer. I don't kow if she said that though to make it seem "less bad" on him. He was 27 when it started and he knew she was only 15.

AD, it's good to hear that I'm not the only person who thinks they reacted oddly. If it were my child (hopefully someday I'll have one) I too would have reacted more harshly.