Translation services .... free of charge. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

- If you expose the A, myself and OW will both be sacked.

If you tell my employer about the snotty things I am doing in secret, I'll have to[color:"red"] face the music[/color].

- you'll ruin the kids lives

Adultery and divorce don't ruin childrens' lives, truth does.

- you'll ruin my life and OW's

Please don't make me be responsible for ruining my own life! Mommie ....


- you'll ruin your life

This adulterous affair and possible divorce are for YOUR benifit as well.... don't blow your one chance for happiness !


- I'm going to court to get custody of the kids

I'm going to fly to Mars and start a Starbucks franchise.


- I'm leaving the country with OW and the kids will never see me again

Forget Mars, I'm going to another galaxy far far away ....


- this is why I left you

This is why I'm pooping in my pants.


- I'm suing you for neglect of me in court

I have a big one in my pants right now. Can you smell it?


- How can you say you love me when you are condemning me to poverty and ruin

Why can't I have you not make waves ... while I run off with OW and all my money and the kids too and not be bothered with details like conscience and morals and stuff? NO FAIR !


- we really need to talk about this

I just did it in my pants ... again.


- I can't talk to you

I can't expect you to lie FOR me. NO FAIR !


- I told the headmaster the truth about my A

Gee, my nose just grew a meter!


- I lied to the headmaster about my affair

I think the headmaster is an idiot.


- Our marriage was over long before A started, get over it

Don't you DARE make me feel ashamed for being an adulteror ! NO FAIR !


- Can't we talk?

Oh wait ... I forgot I can't talk to you ! .... oops, my bad.


- Please can't we talk

Cripes, I did it again .... I forgot I could NEVER talk to you.


- you're a terrible mother

I think I want MY mommie!!!


- you're a great mother

Please, hug me ... I'm lost.


- I'm divorcing you

I'm divorcing you if you don't let me continue to cheat on you with NO consequences. NO FAIR !


- our marriage is over

Our marriage is not going to be an 'open marriage' .... waaaa.... NO FAIR !


- how can you ruin my life like this, what have I done

Adultery is not wrong if it feels really good for me. You are an idiot if you don't see this !!!


- this isn't the way to make me love you

Mommie ... my diaper is full. Change me ...


~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Yeah.

WH is off to Spain tomorrow anyway, and it's a holiday over here too (just like you guys) so no-one will be in school until Tuesday. I'm sure I'll get to HM before WH.

Please consider going to the Chaplain as soon as possible if there is any delay in getting to the head.

Tell the Chaplain what your H said that the head said. The Chaplain will hopefully recognize the contradictions and go to the head himself.

Do not discount the likelyhood that your H may have already called the head and everyone else he thinks he needs to to conduct damage control.

WAT

Pep, I just fell off my chair laughing, and I'm a full hour away from opening a bottle of wine.

Fantastic, just fantastic.

I hope my mom reads it (Hi Mom *waves*)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

har, har, Pep, you are a hoot! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT,

Certainly, I will call the chaplain tomorrow - he was kind enough to give me his home number.

Alph.

Hunny .... this man is NOT anyone you want left in charge of steering YOUR life right now.

The sillyness has a purpose .... next time he 'discusses' his grievences with you ... pretend I am a parrot sitting on your shoulder whispering the 'translation' into your ear.

The wilder he gets, the bigger 'load' he's carrying in his diaper.

Do not trust this infant in ~any way shape or form~ right now. He's spinning and spinning.

You must make him spin completely off balance before you can get him back as a 'regular' human being.

Be creatively devious ... it is necessary he feel as much discomfort as possible in his affair .... when the affair feels ~good and safe~ he will not quit. Make being in the affair dangerous for HIM .... like he's going to lose ~everything~.

His whiffing of the drug of infidelity has made him child-like. USE this against him.

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Pep,

Losing his job is obviously what he fears the most. I always thought that losing his children would be the worst thing ever, but he's already faced that twice and more or less said 'well, OK then'.

I know this has been touched on before, but I really, really am concerned about this. I'm concerned that he couldn't forgive me for the loss of his career. I'm also concerned about what MIL will say if this happened. She's said in the past 'well, he shouldn't have had an affair' etc before when the possibility has been brought up, but if it actually happened, I think I might well lose her support. He is her son, after all.

Ask yourself this:

If he immediately STOPS the affair and redeems himself ... how likely is it he'd be fired?

Probably UNlikely, right?

So the outcome rests with HIM.

Fear is NOT your friend.

Did you read my other earlier post about your feeling 'ill' ... ?

Never be afraid to speak the truth.

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

You are willing to forgive him for ADULTERY ... yet you fear he won't forgive you for speaking the truth ....

are you seeing this irony ?

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Pep,

That's what I meant before about blackmail. I can't blackmail him, but the head might well give him an ultimatum.

I did read your post about being ill. Having felt so bad the last few days, I was suddenly lifted right up today because I was strong (even though I know I blew it a bit by agreeing to compromise about exposure).

I think the head master is the key. If I play it right with him, I might get the result I want.

I hope!

Yeah, I do see it, but would he? Or his MIL?

I did keep on saying to him 'I'm just telling the truth' and 'you keep saying you've done nothing wrong - why are you afraid of me talking about this' but it just result in more bizzare begging/threats/insults.

Alphin, if you don't expose this affair and bring it to an end, it won't matter if your H forgives you or not. Because you won't have a marriage anyway if this affair continues.

The best thing would be for the headmaster to give him an ultimatum. Of course, then you have the added problem of them continuing to work together, which will cause huge problems.

Melody,

Yeah, one of them's got to go.

I'm willing to relocate to anywhere to save the marriage, but at the moment WH still doesn't want to save it so that's academic. Be nice if OW had an attack of conscience and homesickness and flew back off to Spain for good.

Shutting down now - have to make dinner.

Thanks so much for all your support, guys.

Alph.

I mean this in the most sisterly loving way ... just be quiet (AKA shut the hell up) around your husband and/or your MIL ... reveal nothing of your plans for exposure.

A lot less 'talk' and a whole lot more action.

Don't forget, you're trying to convince an emotional infant that pooping himself makes himself dirty.

Quit talking .... just listen when he talks ... "Ah, I see .... tell me more so I can understand.... Ah ... I see.... " You can never convince him he's walking the plank of disaster .... he has to fall off said plank in order to be convinced. Typical of many wayward.

One thing you CAN and ~should~ impliment immediately is this:

When he says something especially hurtful/cruel you say; "OUCH ! That hurts me." that's all you say ... "OUCH ! That hurts me." No further explaination .... he's an infant right now ... speak accordingly.

Be strong and your gut will love you back.

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

ultimatum is not the same as blackmail ....

consequences and boundary protection does not equal blackmail

You cannot make your husband love you right now ..... what you can do is make sure he understands the consequences of becoming a lying, cheating adulteror involve loss of some things he holds dear.

Implementing consequences is not blackmail. You do this raising your children every day.

Blackmail is normally implemented when trying to KEEP something a secret .... blackmail involves extortion and coercion .... Don't play word games with yourself.

Blackmail is not the same as refusing to stand in the way of truth and consequences.

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Shut up with WH - got it.
Expose in silence - got it.
Am visiting MIL on Thursday - uncertain how to handle this? She knows I plan to expose - should I just not mention it? Unlikely she'll let me get away with that.

Alphin, just expose and if your MIL says anything, you tell her you did it to save your marriage. And tell her that your H told you everybody knew and was fine with it anyway. If there was nothing wrong with his affair, what would be the problem with everyone knowing?

Don't tell anyone else about your exposure plans, ok? Like Pep says, just expose in silence. But I would suggest getting it all out there and over with in the same day. I am already worried that your H will get to the headmaster first. This is why I recommend exposing in one fell swoop.

Wasn't going to tell anyone else about exposure. MIL has been extremely supportive of me since d/day and knows full well I am trying to save our marriage - she's known this from the beginning.

Exposure in one day would be ideal, but it isn't possible to do when people (eg headmaster) can't take your calls or aren't at home when you call to talk to them.

I thought I'd done well this morning - thought I'd made some real progress, but all I seem to have done is risk the entire operation.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />