I have read the books, and counseled w/ SH, but when it comes to applying the tenets of MB to my particular situation I sometimes get confused. I can't really afford another session right now, but I have some basic questions/need confirmation as I move forward to Plan B.

Here's the condensed history:
>6 yr. R w/ H, 2 yr. M, no C (me, early 30s, H mid-30s; H mother passed away and H had extreme drinking and some MLC behavior <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />)
>H started A, I found out later & later found MB
>implemented Plan A (good, not great), late exposure (classic MBer mistake!), but seemed to be effective (I never was told the full fallout, but OW is young and her parents didn't know H was M'd <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />)
>went to Plan B, came out of Plan B when A ended and NC established
>Recovery was VERY up & down, more than I expected from reading here, so I was suspicious, and found out that NC broken - several times - and SF contined once in a while (as late as this past March!! I am devastated and heart-broken all over again!!!)
>So... I don't know if A never really ended (or just on pause as WAT stated) and I think my H has been playing me - but I don't know
>H has been telling me he loves me, he wants to be w/ me etc
>I reset my boundaries on NC and doing the 4 Rules, and now I'm at the door of Plan B (again)

Question #1: I think H & OW are together again now since I'm going back to Plan B and I think EXPOSURE may be in order. Why? ... because I think H is torn between me and OW; he says he really does want to be w/ me, but feels so guilty when we're together and he says that he is afraid I'll hold it against him or cheat on him -- I've reassured him by words, actions and patience/love/forgiveness/understanding that I won't do that, but he is still "on the fence". Also, I asked H why he didn't tell me sooner about renewed contact and SF w/ OW, and he said that he didn't want me to "interfere" w/ his life again (so this makes me think that exposure would be helpful again).

Question #2: If I've already exposed once, and H tells me that he still loves me, but is unwilling to do the right thing, is it just a HUGE LB to expose again? I am pretty sure that he will take her on a trip this holiday weekend now that I'm moving to Plan B, and I know it's better to expose early rather than late. But what if they are not together again? Do I expose about what he told me (March, etc)?

Question #3: I've reset my boundaries of NC, Plan for Recovery, etc, and I was told that if my H contacts me, I should limit all conversation to the plan for recovering our M and just say "what's the plan to recover our M" or things like that and then exit the conversation and make it clear that he is not in my life until these things are done. Yes, I did it in writing, but I'm a little unclear... should I be in a totally dark Plan B, or should as if I'm behind locked doors w/ shades pulled, and when he "knocks" (so to speak) I say "have you done the plan" and if not I leave him knocking at the door and keep myself busy (I'm using an analogy here) or do I ignore the knocking until he finds a way to get a message to me that NC is in place and he's ready to work on the M?

Question #4: why didn't Lostva ever go into Plan B (from what the veterans might remember) and why did that work for her?

Question #5: we are heading into divorce now, and things will be final soon, and it seems that the divorce is just going to drain the LBanks - my H refuses to be rational or fair, and I'm not just saying this, even my attorney states that she has never met anyone like my H, so is it hopeless once the divorce starts because he'll just get angrier and feel more entitled to hurt me? How do I handle his angry responses -- do I just say that these are the consequences of his decisions and he can change it if he wants to? What is a good, reverse babble, non-LB way to respond?

Last Question: anything else I should know about or prepare myself for?

you should go total total total dark plan B...it is total removal from his waffling....

ark

I think you have nothing to lose with re-exposure, especially to OW's parents, from the standpoint of saving the marriage. Of course it's an LB - it was the first time. Exposure is always an LB, but a calculated one.

The downside of re-exposure is making the scum bag even more angry from the standpoint of going thru a divorce. But I wouldn't put too much downside value on this as any anger would likely be shortlived - after all, he'll be headed to LaLa Land, right?

Dark, dark, dark in Plan B. You make it clear in your letter NOT to contact you unless he's willing to commit to the marriage. You have to unbolt the door the first couple of knocks to see what he's offering. "what's the plan to recover our M" is a reasonable question. How else would you know? If he's offering only foglatin, tell him to re-read the letter and don't knock again with anything less than a dozen roses and on his knees - figuratively speaking.

I'm not gonna tell you why lostva didn't go to Plan B (mostly because I don't know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ). You're not lostva. You're butterscotch7. Your situations are different. While you can learn from others, you should not pick out an individual story that suits your desires and justifies why you should avoid Plan B. Learn from many of the others.

WAT