Hello all.

This is my first time posting. I've been lurking and have already learned a great deal.

The boyfriend who I've been living with for nearly four years now (been together nearly six years) has recently been diagnosed as a sociopath. I'm scared. Our counselor diagnosed him - we recently started therapy together after finding an email account he owned that had over 500 sent messages to folks who advertised "day dates" and "casual encounters." He himself posted on dating sites, craigslist and a few others. He never followed through on these emails with physical visits - outside of one time where he met a girl in a bar briefly (email string backs this up). I've contacted nearly all of the people he's emailed in the last year and all have said that they never spoke on the phone or met.

Needless to say, I'm devastated. We were supposed to be married. My birthday is next week (kind of a moot point, but it DOES make matters worse somehow). And now, the more I learn about sociopathic behavior, the more I fear that even therapy won't help us. I fear that I have no other recourse than to leave him.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I feel so foolish for even staying. We did have a nice relationship - but that all seems gone.

Don't know what to do. Just ranting, I suppose. Anyone have experience in this area?

It would seem that there is absolutely no basis for trust in this relationship. And so how can you marry somebody you can't trust?

Turn the problem around the other way. What is he proposing to do to restore the relationship, and do you beleive it will be sufficient, and pass the MB scrutiny?

I'd have to say, based purely on what you posted, if you married him, we'd probably be seeing you back on MB wondering how to fix things...

Was the counseling a result of finding the email? or a separate issue tha tspilled over?

Hello Jaye,

We started therapy as a result of my finding the emails.

The problem is, I don't know what I need from him to make this "okay" or for him to make it up to me. I've made suggestions that might make me feel that he has a vested interest in working this out - and he's followed through on them. We're in therapy and he's agreed to go alone as well. He also agreed to put Spectorsoft on his PC to prove that he's not doing this anymore - but it feels so gross to watch his every move.

So to answer your question, I don't know what I need. Maybe time will tell after more therapy. It's the "sociopathic" behavior that is scary to me. I didn't think sociopaths or narcissists could really receive treatment and change.

I am not marrying him at this moment. I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like I've been hit in the tummy with a baseball bat.