Just caught my wife having an affair week and a half ago. Friday the 13th. I am pretty sure it was only one time but I know he was filling her emotional needs for awhile. Can she have withdrawal from the emotional part of it? She has been a wreck . I took off for a few days after and she begged me to come back. Once back she was pretty cold to me an uncaring the 1st week. Now she's acting a little better. She always was mad at me saying I was jealous of anyone and smothering to her. I admit I had a complex about her going out with her girlfriends but now feel justified about it cause I caught her. I begin wondering if my suspicious ways and worrying actually drove her to this guy. I have been really freaked out this week because I have been reaching out to her and shes been angry and mad at me. I feel I should be one thats mad. I guess this is the stage of withdrawal. She says she loves me but has had a hard time opening up to me. Then about a week later she asks if her and a girlfriend of hers can go out for some beers. Some nerve! This really got me pissed . I said no way and she freaked. I mean a week later and she's asking to go out already. Come on. She called a couseler today and we are going June 8th. I know she loves me and we have 3 beautiful kids. I'm trying my hardest to understand ...

Welcome to a club that nobody wants to be a member of.

Your W is probably still going through withdrawl from the A. It doesn't seem to matter whether it was an EA or a PA, there always seems to be a withdrawl period. Duration seems to be about one week for each month of the A.

You have the right to be mad but your best chance of saving M is to keep anger under control right now. You can vent on this site to help.

Your W sounds like she's still in a bit of a "fog". That goes away as time goes on.

Read Dr. Harley's material on A's and WAT guidelines on this website. They are both very helpful.

You have counseling appointment set so its agood sign for the future.

Vaya con dios

Hello tom,

Welcome to MB although I'm sorry you are here for Infidelity.

First of all,it's good that you are both going to counseling.It's a start but I must say that you should prepare yourself for more diffcult and painful times ahead.Affairs rarely end right away and I would not be surprised if your WW(wayward wife) was still in contact with the OM(other man) or that she will be again if the withdrawal starts to hit harder.

Is this OM married too? Do you know him? Has your WW told you it is over and she wants to work on the marriage? Be prepared for your WW to be nice to you one day and the next she wants to leave you.She will be carrying all kinds of emotions that she will heap on you: anger,jealousy,blame,sadness,etc.She will blame you for what SHE chose to do.Never forget that it was 100% her CHOICE to cheat and it is NEVER the right way to handle ANY marital problems.Even if you were physically abusing her she should get out of the marriage and divorce you,not cheat first and hope for the best.

So,if I may suggest,take a look at LostInMn's thread where I posted some advice to start off with.Also,as angrry as you have right to be,don't explode on her with your own emotions.It can push her away and make her want to flee.It's ok to tell her how you are feeling but try to do your best in keeping things calm.If you want a chance at saving your marriage you need to do what you can to keep the lines of communication open with your WW.If you're yelling at her,she will just feel more secure in her decision to cheat and look at you like the monster she has made you out to be so she could be with this OM.Also do not leave anymore if you can help it.In order to deal with this,you need to be home and it looks better to your WW if you are there.

Lastly for now,protect those children from this mess if you think you are reconciling.They should be the priority here and the less they know for now,IMO,the better.You can tell them age appropriate information such as you and Mommy are trying to work on some problems but that it wasn't their fault in any way and there was nothing they could have done to prevent it,etc.I don't know how much,if at all,your kids know about what is going on but if they know anything,I am sure it's very scary for them.Reassure them as much as you can.

Take some time to read all the concepts here and especially Plan A under the Q&A section at the top.We are here to help.

O