I know that after their last D-day 3 years ago they practiced some MB - I do not know if she visits this site or not...

But I wanted to tell her - I think of her often, and think of the pain I have cause to her. I know that in her case, I am just one of about 5-6 OW in the history of her marriage, but I hate being one of them...one more to add to her pain.

I also wanted to thank her for telling me she forgave me on the day I phoned and told her about the affair, and told her of one between me and the last one that she wasn't aware of , even if she didn't mean it. It helped me greatly in my own personal recovery just hearing the courage and strength in her voice and the calmness and sympathy she had for me - of all things - she was thinking of me!! What an amazing woman.

She is an amazing woman, and I am sorry I helped discredit her in my mind.

I truly hope she is doing well, and doing what she needs to be happy - whether it be with her husband or without.

If she is reading this, she may not know it is her I am talking about - but if you think I may have been your OW, then accept this apology again, and know that you are in my prayers alot.

I am sorry for the state of both our marriages. And I pray for both of our marriages.

And as ANGRY and spiteful I am to her H, I know that she is just a BS, desperately trying to fix her marriage...I may hate him, but she loves him. A prayer goes out to her, to help her make all the right decisions she needs for herself and her children

God Bless you, and I am very sorry and I hope you are finding the peace you deserve on whatever journey you have started on.

-dorry

Way to go Dorry

I have carried similar sentiments. A letter, where otherwise making contact would be not in the best interests of both sides, to express these feelings is an excellent idea.
H

If OM in my sit sent me this letter I might even be moved to remove the baby sledge hammer and can of mace I have in my trunk...mamybe..

A nice thought DS.

Yes - i would never dream of making contact - I have no desire to be a part of their lives, or have them be a part of mine ever again, and even though I hope she is doing well, I don't wonder about her life or even really care what life entails for them...but it doesn't change the fact that I still feel that way about the pain I caused her and hope that she is healing from it.

-dorry

THanks from many of us BS..We may never hear from the "real OP" who destroyed our lives..our dreams...Though, some BS may feel you are only clearing your own conscience - I dont' feel that way. Apparently, you realized that treating others poorly for your own selfishness was wrong..


May I ask since you know that you weren't his only A - how did you find this out??? Did he tell you??? Did he have you and others at the same time???

Thanks

I knew from talking with OMW and OM (as she was my friend while I did this to her) that he had two A's a few years ago that they recovered from, one online and one with his ex-girlfriend ...then I know of a woman this past summer he had met online and had a one afternoon stand with, and she was still in touch with him. He talked about his sexual afternoon with her alot - she was recently divorced and lonely - i even know her name. I also believe there was another one that was just an online cyber - but because I couldn't remember for sure - i didn't tell her about this one.

I also knew about some very inappropriate sexual acts between her sister and OM, that I did not tell her about as that is between her and her sister.

But I did tell her about the one I knew of for sure- the summer one, and I did tell her about me, and H was on the phone with me when we did this for support to her, and support to me.

I have no clue if there were others at the same time - I would like to in my mind believe no, but he is not a very decent man...so in all likely hood - there very well may have been - but that is now between him and his wife...and not my business.

-dorry

Dont beat yourself up anymore. You are forgiven. Jesus said so.

Hbr 10:17 "AND THEIR SINS AND THEIR LAWLESS DEEDS I WILL REMEMBER NO MORE."

Hbr 10:18 Now where there is forgiveness of these things, there is no longer {any} offering for sin.

In His arms.

Thanks MM - I have accepted the Lords forgiveness - it has beenw hat has enabled me to rebuild who I am. But i struggle on some days in the forgining of myself.

I know that I have to forgive myself based on myself, but sometimes seeing how Sprint is right now, it's tough to forgive myself...somedays I think I am there...others far away.

I never doubt the Lord's forgiveness. I knocked on his door when I hit bottom, and he took me in <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I know how loved I am by Christ.

-dorry

I understand the struggle you have sometimes in forgiving yourself. But, if He has forgiven you...then you are clean. Which means, do you really (think about this now) have the right to hold yourself with unforgiveness when He has indeed made you clean? In some ways, that is close to sin itself. Jesus makes it clean, but then you struggle with it some more.

The deed is done, dorry. He has made you whole, has put the sins of your affair as far away from Him as the East is from the West. You are not a WW. In many ways, you are not even a former WW (although using that title here helps others understand your perspective). You are "Christ in Dorry."

When Satan comes up to God today and says "Look at Dorry...she is an adulteress." God says "I dont see an adulteress...I see my Son with a woman that has no spot or blemish."

Stop looking at yourself thru your eyes. See how God sees you. In the end...THAT is all that matters!

In His arms.

I also want to commend you on your repentance.

I struggle with the need to forgive the FOW in my sitch.

However, it remains clear that she wanted my H for herself and wanted to destroy our family.

She is not repentant and is not a Christian, discouraging my H from his Christian beliefs...

So BLESS YOU, Deeply Sorry!

Deeplysorry,

The best amend I could make (even to the OMW) was to move on and recover my marriage. Back then I put those words ~movin on~ on the wallpaper of my cell phone as a reminder.

I beat myself up for a long time before I finally "cast it into the sea of forgetfulness".

I urge you to do the same....
life will never be the same...
it is a feast! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Bob

Do you carry these objects in hopes you'll find the OM or are they symbolic in some way?

Can you accept the letter from a contrite OP as the thoughts of the OM in your life?

As the OM I hope that OW's H has forgiven her and the pain I have caused him has lessened.
Hiker

Mortarman

Great words of comfort. Thank you for reminding me.
H

Have to be reminded myself sometimes!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />