THE DRAMA
Had some life drama this past few months....

found a lump where a lump hadn't been...

saw my doc.
mammogram and ultrasound ordered...wanted them done within a week... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> (hate to hear those words...)

Both negative...yeah...
but lump where lump shouldn't be still there...

referred to a surgeon...
he says...lets take a look at in the OR just to be sure...
mentioned that age factor...closing in at forty....NOT more like some people think (WAT!!!!!!!!)

Had minor surgery on Monday....and am happy to report that preliminary reports are benign....awaiting official patho report....but looks good

FAVORITE SUMMER TIME JOKE IN HONOR OF UPCOMING HOLIDAY

A husband and wife are working in the yard...weeding, planting, trimming...

hubby looks over at wife while she's bent over the petunias and says...

"dang honey your BEhind is getting big!"

wife smiles sweetly and goes on gardening...

hubby says...
"really dear...it's gotten big....infact I think your BEhind is wider than the grill"

wife smiles sweetly and ignores....again...

"Darling" he exclaims..."I'm not kidding"...and he pulls out a measuring tape....measures

the width of the gril and then measures her lovely BEhind...

"yep sweetie" he hoots...I was right...your BEhind IS bigger than the grill"

Later that night hubby and wife are in bed and hubby tries to get a little frisky with the wifey....she rolls over and ignores him....

he tries again...
and again...
thwarted each time...

thoroughly confused in a way only men can be confused he says...

"honey what's the matter?"
"Something wrong baby?"
"Did I do something...."
"You mad about something?"

Wife turns and faces him bed..smiles seductively...carresses his face softly and says...

"Darling,
If you think I am firing up this big [email]a@@[/email] grill for one tiny wienie...you got another thing coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

THE PAIN PILL

And THAT'Swhat happens to ARK ^^'s brain when she takes a tylenol with codeine!!!!!!!!!!!

anyone else have any good summer's coming jokes....

Hi ark,

I am glad to hear that your path results are neg so far.What a scary situation.I hate the word "lump".I had a biopsy done on a lymph node in my neck one year.My Doctor told me it was probably Lymphoma and he knew I was an RN so he felt he could be "up front" with me.I wanted to deck him.It turned out to be nothing at all.

Keep us posted on the final outcome.You're in my prayers~

Here's a cute riddle my kids like:

Q: What's Irish and sits outside in Summertime?

A: Paddy O'Furniture.

And,comments you don't want to hear during surgery:

"Be back in a minute,gotta put money in the meter"

"Not bad for someone who failed Med school."

"You think we can sew it back on?"

"Don't worry,he'll never know,he's out cold".

"Ok,make a wish and pull!"

"Ooops".

"Can you tilt the TV? I can't see the game".

"Is that SUPPOSED to be yellow?"

"CLEAR!"

LoL

thanks octobergirl..it is scary...and it's a balance to not get freaked out..but then it's all hurry up and wait..a week for the mammo....half a week for official results...a week till the appointment with surgeon...then two weeks till surgery...

hard to sleep
hard not to be too scared.
hard not to look on the dang internet and freak yourself out.....


Having met the surgeon prior to Monday...I adore him..
he couldn't have been kinder....and more attentive...

but when he comes in to see me pre OR...with my hubby there with me.......he's in full scrubs with cap on and mask hanging around his neck...and a little boogie sticking out his nose...

my husband was like...THIS guy's doing surgery!!!....

I could just tell that's what he was thinking as he listened to him talk to me....

Atleast when he came out to give my husband the update while I was in recovery...his nose was CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still love my surgeon...and that had nothing to do with pre-op drugs!!!!!!! or his lack of tissues...those masks are so confining.....

thanks for the prayers...

I had forgotten the paddyofurniture one...will have tell the kids that one tonight!!!!!!!!!!

ark

fibroadenoma

that's my guess...

Hey biscuit Ark ... be good to them knockers, OK?

I just love you when you're stoned on codeine! ~LOL~

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

This is the honest truth:

My breasts and my marriage can be described in the same way:

THAT COUPLE HASN'T BEEN THE SAME SINCE THE KIDS!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

~LOL~ Mimi

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

When is a car not a car?

When it TURNS INTO A DRIVEWAY!!

SS

Friend of Squids went in for cosmetic breast surgery. The young doctor cheekily asked if he could tongue them before surgery ! She of course said no !

When she awoke after surgery she was surprised to find only one large breast in the middle of her chest.

"huh?" she asked.

The surgeon said " well, if you can't lick 'em, join 'em" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Glad your fears weren't realised Ark. carpe diem

Ark,

I had a friend whose boyfriend told her in the laundry room, as she was bent sorting laundry, that her butt was getting as big as a combine.

So later that night he wanted a little, she looked at him and said I am not starting this great big piece of machinery up for one little ear of corn.

I never laughed so hard in all my life.

HINY

Glad everything is okay Arkie...

ark^^

That must have been incredibly frightening to live through! I'm glad you are doing fine.

Thanks for the hilarious joke!

Hi Ark^^,

I sorry to hear about your 'big health scare'. You are in my prayers.

Please know that I one of your 'admirers', and try to read your replies wherever and whenever I can spot them. I consider your remarks always well thought out and vey much respect your opinion. I find that you are full of wisdom, and in reading your posts I hope that something will rub off a little bit on me. I see as one of your talents as being able to see clearly through chaos. A lot of us here are in choas and your talent is very much appreciated.

Good luck. I wish I had a good joke for you, but right now I am just 'struggling' in my situation, and look forward to the day I am out of the 'chaos' one way or another.

LUNAMARE

Thank you lunamarie...and all for your kind words...

really the scariest part was the unknown...the drawn out waiting for each "next step" till getting the official diagnosis or all clear sign..
and i really didn't tell too many people as in no need in worrying them over something that wasn't clear...so you kind of go it alone...

I see the surgeon Tuesday and hopefully this chapter will be closed...

I guess I may as well use this a soap box time to encourage all women to do the monthly exams...I never gave it much thought though I always did them several days post period...

It was less stressful for me knowing that I had found something that HAD changed..so that when I went to the dr. I was clear that this was something new...

so all you girlie girls out there...do your monthly checks...

ARK^^

Ark,
I can relate to the whole thing....

Less than one month post d-day I decided to go have the annual physical (which I hadn't done for 11 yrs.) because I figured if I was gonna be divorced at least H could pay for anything that came out of this exam. Wrong I know, but I wasn't in my right mind just then.

Long story short, I was told I had a mass the size of a volleyball, something "unusual" elsewhere, and by the way, a lump where a lump shouldn't be. Floored me! I was having a CT scan that same day and off to get a mammo a few days later. Doc said I probably had the beginning of cervical cancer but not in the lymphnodes yet. It was a total of a week and a half before I saw the doc who later did my hysterectomy and he said from what he was told he thought I had stage 3 cancer (this was long after he had made it clear that I did not have cancer) because of the size of the mass in my abdomen.

He said he thought he would be telling me to go on a nice vacation and do all the things I wanted to do because if the mass had been cancerous I would not be typing today. I had the hyster. the next week, on my sons 12th birthday.

The wait was the most excrutiating thing in my life, next to d-day, which I was still suffering from. Oh how I wanted to lean on H but it just wasn't happening. I couldn't do it. I felt so very alone.

I'm so glad you are past all this. Hang in there.

Ark^^
I'm glad you didn't ignore your lump and my prayers are with you for continued good news. I had my 1st mammogram this year. (part of taking care of myself plan)

OK here's my stupid joke although it has nothing to do with summer.

In the news they are now reporting Viagra can cause damage to your vision. There are a lot of protests because the medication is so popular. As a compromise there will be a warning label that states "Taking Viagra may cause you to become COCKEYED!"