Well, I've been seeing a guy for about a month, and it hasn't even crossed my mind that maybe I should offer to pay, or help pay for the meal. Yikes!!!
Am I wrong, please help!
You know, come to think of it, dating could get quite expensive for a guy!
KK

Hi KK,

Well, if your BF doesn't mind or hasn't hinted anything to you, then don't worry... But in the other hand a relationship should be equal... It's up to you and if you can't afford to pay up all the time or half of the time a nice cozy romatic night at home is very nice even if it's a frozen pizza! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As a guy, I feel that if I have issued the invitation, I should at least offer to pay (and I don't issue the invitation unless I am willing to do so). But often the woman I'm with doesn't permit me to pay. Then again, I think it's because she wants to make sure I don't mistake the situation as indicating any romantic interest on her part.

Great Question KK:

I'm still a bit old fashioned in this respect and choose to pay for dating. However - I can tell you this: It is pretty special when someone I've been out with a few times takes it upon herself to occasionally pick up the tab. It's a thoughtful gesture but more than that - it's a sign of appreciation from you and assurance that he is not taken for granted.

I suggest this: Arrange with the server, or tell the host/hostess of your desire (in private), that it's your preference to pay this tab. Request that you are presented the tab discretely and will pay discretely. (Most servers will go out of their way to accomodate you.) When your date wonders aloud about the tab, just lean over and say: "This one was on me tonight. I enjoy spending time with you.." or something along those lines. Believe me; his response will be positive, very positive! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

FR

The person I'm seeing is never married with no kids. So when I offer to pay, he'll say, you have a house and kids to worry about, I'll get dinner. When I did the stealth pay method above, he wasn't happy.
I'm not a big foodie and like to stay home, so now I cook for him as much at home as we go out.

So, newly, what do you think that tells you about him?

Your signature has "Free Woman" but obviously you're not. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I say pay for a meal now & then.

GDP,

You need to find a different type of woman to go out with.

Just my 2 cents.

I have only been out with this guy a few times, but I will definitely offer to pick up the tab, or help with it the next time! I also think that it would show consideration on my part to help out.
And yes, Chris, I am a free woman! Free in Christ!!!!
KK

GDP, I don't know what that means.
I thought it meant that he wanted to pay, and felt bad I paid in a restaurant. It wasn't angry mad, more disappointed. It was during a big day out in NYC to see the Gates and I think he just wanted everything to be just right.
What would be your interpretation?

Newly,

I think as you do. I think he wanted to make it, or all dates special, and not a financial burden for you. I think he just may like to treat you well. Enjoy it!! You should be treated well, you deserve it.

I give him credit for thinking about the fact that you have these expenses.

Karona

Well, I am still married, but thinking about what I will do when we are divorced.

Of course, I will meet a nice new man. I have no doubt of it.

But to get to the point, why not treat your date to a meal? Men usually love that. Invite him out, and you pay. They are not used to it.

If you don't want to do that, how about obtaining some football/baseball/basketball tickets, and inviting him to a game?

If you are EXTREMELY poor, cook for him, take him on a picnic, get tickets for something cheap. There are lots of free things to do also. Check them out.

While I think that a man taking a woman out is fine, why not return the favor? There are always car shows, boat shows, fishing, etc. Pack up a little lunch, and have a great time!

I don't really have an interpretation, but I feel better hearing that his reaction was disappointment rather than anger. Anger might well have indicated a controlling personality, whereas disappointment is more likely to be innocuous.

Personally, I like to pay, and I feel kind of bad if a woman who has a much lower income insists on paying for my meal. I appreciate her generosity and I respect her need for dignity, but I think it's one of the few scenarios in which I am reminded that I am not entirely free of pride.

He's just very nice. I make about 1 1/2 times what he does and we discussed that early on, and yet he still wants to pay, and apologizes if we don't go out. He's very sweet.

Well guys,
I haven't heard from the guy in about a week, so everything about paying for a date may be a moot point....bleh!!!!!!

You know...i always wonder what i did or said that they don't want to call back..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Or maybe God is just screening them for me...that's what I like to think. I find myself so often holding myself back emotionally, just so i won't get hurt again. Anybody else do that? This should probably be a new thread. I DON"T ever want to hurt again like i did.

He called me tonight!!!
Woohoo! His parents have been in town, and they just left tonight...so everything is great!
We are going out this weekend, so, I am going to bring up the subject of paying....
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Very happy!
KK