Hi Everybody,

I've never posted on this board, but this is the direction that my M is going after 17 years, with 3 years past d-day.

I would like to keep this DV as simple as possible and not involve lawyers - has anyone else been a do-it-yourselfer?

We don't have a lot of complicated finances, but we do have one child.
Custody is not an issue, we both agree I would get full primary.

I have printed all the necessary paperwork from our state's government forms website and completed them. I was planning on asking H to sign the "joinder" of agreement rather than have him served - to save time - and embarassment for him.

I have a few questions for those of you who have been thru the process:

1. Do you need an appointment to file the paperwork,or can I just show up?

2. If you both agree to the amount of Child Support that is being asked for, but it does not meet what the state would mandate, do they still make you fill out the CS worksheet?
(Reason I'm asking is that my H & I make about the same per year, but I make 10%-30% of my yearly gross in bonuses/commissions as well, and if that was factored in, I would not get as much as what H has agreed to already.)

3. Did you have someone (a lawyer) review your paperwork before your filed?

4. Any suggestions, lessons that you learned about the process that I should be aware of?

5. Words of advice?


I would very much appreciate any information offered.



Thank You,
Shelle

shellebelle... i am just about done with my DIY Dv... i have never seen you post on this board, so i will give you a quick background of my sitch:
together 8 years, M'd together for 21 months, Seped for 21 months... stbxw left me for OM (discovered from phone bill)... still living w/OM 2day... no children from M... 2 months after she left, we set up a sep aggrement/contract, sold the house and settled the prop, so our $ was settled very early to avoid complications...

i used a Dv Kit that cost $300... filed and served her myself... 1) i did not need an appointment,,, i went to the court house and filed in person, but i could have done via mail... not sure of how it is where you live...
2) i have no idea about CS,,, sorry...
3) yes, i had my lawyer review the sep agreement, the prop settlement, and all of the p-work filed... we are friends, so we did it over dinner and drinks...
4) suggestions and lessons... my word of caution is watch out for 'foot dragging' if you choose to serve stbx yourself... my stbxw dragged her feet on signing for proof of service for almost a month... i finally (was very nice to her the whole time) appealed to her that we had been M'd together, as long as we were Sep'ed,,, and she signed that day...
be patient with every aspect of the process, as it moves at a snails pace, imo... getting frustrated will serve to slow it down further...
if you are amicable w/stbx, try to stay that way until the gavel strikes,,, going from amicable to full blown conflict is easier than one might think...
5)the rest is common sense, imo... protect yourself and your children... keep those interests in the foreground... and look, don't be too trusting... i found that i thought i knew my stbxw better than anyone, including herself... but when it came to $, i got a glimpse of who she really was deep down inside,,, and i honestly had no idea, as she came off as someone who couldn't care less about $... but that is just not the case...

good luck to you...

I too am using a DIY DV. My H wanted this and I chose to for once NOT be the initiator. This time he can figure out what to do, how to do it, and get the ball rolling. We have talked and agreed on strategy, and I have told him to fill out what he can first rather than E-Mail this whole long form to me with pretty much nothing filled out (which is what he did with the taxes).

Anyway, Samm warns about foot dragging - I think that my H is doing that now, and I'm sure it's because he has never been able to do any kind of followthrough in his whole life.

One of these days I'll get frustrated and take it over, but not just yet.

We did, however, keep many of our finances separate during our M, and those that were joint we have liquidated already. Possessions have been divided up too. I bought my own house and he refinanced our joint house. At this point it is only about documenting what we've already done.

A word of caution - if you are going to liquidate any IRA's be sure you talk to an accountant FIRST. My H didn't do this, and it cost him a bundle. There are ways to minimize or avoid penalties based on timing of liquidation and filing of the D paperwork.

Before I left my house, I paid a lawyer for a separation agreement. It costs $800 and it was worth it for all the peace of mind it gave me. My stbx did not have a lawyer and agreed to all we discussed.

Then 2 years later I picked up the paperwork for the divorce at the courthouse. I tried to fill it out but the emotional barrier for me was great. The pain was unbearable and I gave up. Now I do not care about divorce----I do not want to spend the money or do I want the hassle of the paperwork. I say all that just to help you look at the emotional barriers and roadblocks. You need to weigh whether it is worth you emotional health to pay a lawyer or not

TW

Hi ShellBelle
I can remember reading some of your post on recovery I think? Forgive me if that is wrong but I do remember your name.Sorry to see you are now on this board.

Where I live there was a place called the divorce store,that is where I went.They did all the paper work for me,filed it in courts and sent every thing to STBX,I was told that as long as no one disagrees to anything it will just go thru the courts and your STBX does not even have to show up.This all cost 400$ plus court fees.No lawyers involved.If you do not feel confident in what to do then maybe you could find a place like this,that was everything is looked over done professionally but still very low cost.

Best of luck.

Hi All,

Thanks for the reponses - very helpful information!

samm - I will stay alert to the "foot dragging". I certainly don't want to drag this out, but I know that it IS possible. That is why I want him to sign the "joinder" form so that when I file the paperwork, there is no serving him and waiting for a response.

It's the staying "amicable" part that we are already having trouble with. I am more angry with him that I have ever been with anyone/anything in my entire life. The anger and resentment is really hurting our home life - what's left of it. I've got to figure out a way to get that under control.

Deja - If I waited for my H to file, I'd be stuck for life.
He's a classic passive-agressive-conflict-avoider.

No IRA's to liquidate, but thanks for the tip!

Sunnyva -

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mine too! Even claims he was "kidnapped" into marriage. What a crock!

Thanks for all the other practical info you provided - it was exactly what I was looking for.


Take Care,
Shelle