Ugh, so many things to consider...

I'll contact a friend today and ask what his wife has said about the "Girls night Out".

I looked up "Detectives" in our local phone book and just got security agencies. I'm not looking for an anti=theft system...

PIs also do SECURITY work. You might find a PI listed under Security Agencies. Also look under INVESTIGATORs in your YELLOW PAGES.

Ah! "INVESTIGATORS" got me a bunch of results...

I'll call a few at lunch...

They're going to be EXPENSIVE...and they take time to get the work done, as they're usually working more than one case at a time.

Give some thought to the options you've seen posted here. And don't be afraid to take a bit of time to gather your proof...while I know it is really painful to go through, it's better to be thorough.

I seriously suspected something was wrong in my marriage for at least 3 weeks prior to getting my final proof. I KNOW that she knew I suspected, so I had to back off for a while in order to let them get lax, and that's exactly what happened.

I'm going to be out of town this week! ...from Thursday night until Sunday! It will ruin my chances of investigating, but I'm sure that it would be a great time to catch them doing something...

Maybe I should be more patient, maybe I should be more proactive... Maybe they are waiting to do anything until they know I'm not in the picture... It's hard to know what to do.

Sounds like the perfect time for a PI to be watching....when they think they are "safe" enough to see each other because you are gone.

And I still recommend that you do that 'friend' thing I'd suggested...have someone keep an eye on things while you're gone.

Get the spyware/keylogger issue resolved before you go, and it would be a good way to possibly catch more info as well.

I agree!! This is the PERFECT time for intel. You out of town makes them think they can do what they want without worrying about you showing up. So, line up friends/relatives (very close ones) to become James Bond types. Plan it all out.

In His arms.

I like this friends idea, to a point...

I don't want this situation to get out, AT LEAST until i have proof. How can I bring in friend if they think they're just feeding my paranoia?

I have only lived in this area for about 1/5 yrs. and have very few friends in town here. My good friends live about an hour away...

I just called my best "local" friend and asked him what he knows about this Girls Night Out Wednesday. He said that he hadn't heard ANYTHING about it yet, but that did not mean anything, as his wife frequently doesn't tell him things like this. Also, he's out of town Wednesday, and won't be much help. Basically, I just wanted him to keep his eye out for anything strange... BUT he went out of his way to say "I REALLY do NOT think anything is going on". (I have told him some details, but not about the Y Guy emails...)

Gramm,

You are arguing for your limitations again. Stop that!

So, you have some friends an hour away? Perfect. Schedule them on different nights. Ask them as a personal favor to you to do this for you. See if they can leave work early and be in town in time to tail her.

There is a solution here Gramm. Find it. Dont worry what they think. My friends and family could not beieve when I suspected somethign going on while I was deployed. But I got my brothers and friends to go check anyway. And they were shocked to find out what they found.

Where do you live? I'll come find her. I love busting up affairs!! At one point in the A my wife said that I was hunting her down like a dog, that I had spared no expense or area in finding out everything. I told her that I wouldnt have hunt her down like a dog, if she wasnt acting like one in heat. (I know, I know...it was an LB!! But it was way to tempting to let go by! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

In His arms.

Hahah
I'm in Ohio! Want to drive over?!?

I wish! I am in the DC area. But seriously, there are people you know. Time to call in those chits.

I'll call a guy tonight and see if I can get him to come take a look...

Gramn,

Just checking in on how it is going.

I want you to know I didnt mean you should feel guilty but rather I understand how you are feeling. I felt the same way. But your reasons are just.

You cant let her words manipulate you. She is trying to keep this alive. You do need to go underground and it will take time. If she is comfortable you are not snooping around she will get herself caught. YOU have the upper hand now so go and use it.

Another item that may be useful is a phone recorder. From your looking it is obvious they dont communicate much via cell phone and she is home alone all day right? They are probably talking during the day on the land line. These are pretty inexpensive compared to your other alternatives. I am sure you have a Radio Shack in Ohio. you will also need an attachment that connects it to the phone. In total it should be about $125.00. I didnt get much since my WW and OM worked together. They used their work voicemails to communicate. I think it may do the trick in your case. I did get one message she left for him but that was after I already knew.

A little humor for you. The best thing I got on the phone recorder was her calling her Dad and telling him what a rotten person I was. How I did this and did that. The amazing thing was he was defending me and more or less told her he hadnt seen it so he cant comment on it. Anyway she eventually convinced him that he needed to sit down and have a talk with me. He told her he was not happy how I belittled my 7 year old about bed wetting. So he would discuss that with me and ask about some of the other things. Admittedly some were valid and I did take them to heart.

WW was going out of town with my eldest daughter and I was meeting my father-in-law halfway with our youngest daugther that weekend. So I had about three days to prepare myself for his speech. The whole time I knew what was going to happen. As it turns out before we were married my father in law sat me down and discussed his expectations on how I should treat his wife and children. He closed it by telling me if my daughter ever does anything to hurt me or the children I will be equally tough on her. I of course reminded him of this talk before we parted and I thanked him for being honest with me. This was two days before D-Day.

I hated playing the old man but I wanted to confront my wife personally. Regardless of what he said she is his daughter and he should defend and support her. I knew he would warn her. I also knew he would be the first person my wife would run to once exposed and she did. Now he had the dilema of living up to his word. It could not have worked out more beautifully. The moral is if you wait long enough you will get what you need. Just be patient...you have the upper hand. I played her just as bad as she played me the six weeks I lived with the knowledge of the affair. Like Owl said it is the whole James Bond thing. There was a certain thrill to the spying and mind games. Looking back it was the only form of revenge I had. It is how I got through. Once the affair is out in the open you have to immediately switch to being supportive and honest. I pretended to be everything she asked for in those 6 weeks but I really didnt begin living it until she did what I never expected. She stayed.

It took a long time before I could even begin to see the irony and humor in these experiences. You will get there as well it just takes time.

I think I have found out what is going on now...

SHe had an IM chat with her aunt in Spanish today. In spanish she told her some vital info. Look at the chat transcript that I posted in teh "just found out forum"

I want to make tomorrow "d-Day"...

------------------------------------
In addition, here are a few emails...
---------------------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jun 2005 15:32:01 -0400
From: Y Guy
To: Wife

No yacht on my salary – maybe inheritance! I catch grief from tennis players about that statement also. What it really means (ing) is something that you can go do by yourself. By the way (Our Councillor) is here – I guess his schedule opened up.
(I cancelled councilling today)


Y Guy
We build strong kids,
strong families, strong communities.

-----Original Message-----
From: wife
Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2005 3:19 PM
To: Y Guy
Subject: yacht



So we'll never have a yacht?? I may have to rethink this whole thing...

And what about racquetball-ING? It is TOO a lifetime skill...

See ya later.

I still say Gramm that you need more info. All you have proven is an EA. In order to be in a position of strength, you need to find out if there is a PA. I would rethink telling her yet...and work on getting what you need.

In His arms.

Did you see the spanish stuff? The stuff about Raquetball and Yaghts isn't that interesting...

Gramm, it is interesting but it doesn't tell us anything. Wonder what the spanish stuff means? Why don't you post it here? It's busier on this board.

Do you still need a keylogger? If so, email me and I can hook you up for free.

Here is the spanish stuff again... It is from a chat with my wife's Aunt
---------------------------------
I tried it in Bablefish, but that is not good enough...
----------------------------------------

como estas, como seguiste yc omo sigue mi taita

que bien, mi papa si me tiene preocupada

mimagino, si es como un bebe con los dedos no me imagino como sera con una rasqui1 a bien horrible

nooooooo[enter]

(MY NAME) fue con (DAUGHTER), yo no[enter]

que tal[enter]

suficiente tengo con contestar el telefono uando llama mi patetica dramtica suegra[enter]

por aqui todo va lento pero tengo mi primera cita con el abogado el jueves [enter]

y mientras tanto como si no fuera suficiente con lo que esta pasando, encima estoy mas embobada con este otro hombre que ni se

el enamoramiento, si

ni idea, lo malo es que el tambien dice estar enamoradisimo

por lo menos lo mio ya esta en marcha y me he convencido de que asi tenga a mi viejo nuevo no, prefiero estar sola a estar en esta situacion

y como vas con tu catano?

--bueno muneca al ca

lo conozco??[enter]
--no se ...bueno al agua se llama Carlos L. Sanchez, alias el calvo

hmmm, nombre tan comun, no se, a lo mejor si lo veo [enter]y es papito?[enter]

o abuelito en estecaso?[enter]

jeje

claro. cerra esto

hol apapi[enter]

que te dijo elmedico

--esta es nuevo
--te lo paso?

le estoy hablando por el de el

listo chao

yo a tu

I tried it in babelfish too and just got...babel. But I posted it to my girlfriends on my private forum and I know 2 of them speak spanish and can translate it for me when they sign on.

I did pick up one thing, though. It sounds like she has an appointment with a lawyer on Thursday. "by aqui everything goes slow but I have my first appointment with the lawyer Thursday "