Mimi, I still say that over this time gone, you are right. That if Gramn can get some more intel, especially pictures...it will seal the deal.

in His arms.

Ok. So I say contact a PI ASAP!

The PI can also help you with info. about the OM's wife.

I doubt he's planning on leaving his wife since she sounds like a SAHM.

Teehee.. So he's going to support his family and your WW, too?

But you havent thought about the alternative. Here is the other scenario....

You dont file anything, dont protect your child...and she sees her attorney and files, takes the child...and you have to fight to get her back. Since she is a woman, she will have the advantage fro mthe start, added to the fact that she filed, and your child is with you wife.

Look, you already know that your wife is having sex with and plannig a life with Y-Boy. You already know that she is seeing an attorney. Guess what she is doing? She isnt trying to save your marriage!!

I know it is counterintuitive some of these things we are telling you. I felt that if I filed, if I went to Plan B, if I did any of the hard things, she would just say "Fine, thanks." And run the rest of the way to the OM. But as TA just showed you, most of the time it is the exact opposite.

If YOU call the shots, if YOU decide when this is going to happen, you can file for custody and then not let any of the rest go any further. You can drag it out for months/years. How long before your wife begins to miss your child? Do you see? But by letting her file, the same thing happens but she dictates everything. She doesnt get to see you standing up for her and her child. And she doesnt realize her mistake until it is too late.

Your marriage is nowhere near over. So relax on that. But if you dont take charge pretty soon of all of this, you are going to let crazy, fog-minded people make decisions for your wife, for your child...and for you.

Take control. Trust this stuff. She is filing. You want to save your marriage? You need to learn that there are hard things you need to do.

In His arms.

Well, I'll see how far I can get tomorrow. I want to get someone to do some pics while I'm gone. I'll need to know where she will plan on being though.

Ugh, so much to do...

Look your child in the eye and say to her "I will not quit, I will not sleep...I will protect you." Dont actually say it out loud, you might scare her!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Like I said, you are now learning the difference between simple and easy!

Well, she went to her "Girls Night Out" tonight...

I DO know that she actually mailed one girlfriend about this (through snooping) and overheard the voice of another over the phone. So, this is PROBABLY a legitimite activity, but I still don't trust her.

I found a list of the "Board of Trustees" at the Y. Heheheh...

Start typing up your letters/emails. Get them honed up so they are ready.

Continue to work your plan. Daycare, how you are going to take care of your child should she leave.

Open an account at another bank and prepare to have your direct deposit from work to go there. Any savings? Get a savings account and the day of exposure, make sure it is moved to a safe account.

Hvae a place to go if she loses it. I went with the kids to a friend house and spent the night. Then came back home the next day. I hadnt abandoned the home. We were just visiting friends for a night <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.

Make sure you are connected with your child. School, doctors, play friends, day care, wherever. make sure those people know you and see you there a lot more than your wife. You need to be the person they call when she is sick or they need to discuss things with you.

I want you also to understand that attorneys have many cases. Especially the good ones. The more you do for them, the less the bill will be. Annd, understand that they are human too. They have no vested stake, except your retainer, in your case. You do though!! I wore out my attorney. I wrote up much of the intel. I did most of the leg work getting documents. I came by weekly and asked him about the case and where we might have weakness. Then I headed out and got the things to patch up those holes. it is your life, your marriage, your family. You are the head of that family. You will be held responsible by God for how it turns out. Not your lawyer, not your wife. You!

You are doing good. And you have a lot going for you that many BSs do not. The amount of intel you have, the fact your wife is giving you everything thru her email, so you knwo what is going on ahead of time...many wish for that kind of control.

The Good Lord is looking out for you Gramn. Believe t and trust Him. I think your wife when this is all over may be so glad that she married you. It is going to be long and rough. And there will be times where you will want to quit, or think it is impossible.

You stay the course. No matter what happens. You will be glad you did. Like I said...look that kid in the eye tonight. And know that you are the ONLY person on this planet in her corner right now.

In His arms.

Mortarman, you are awesome, I am very glad you are here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Gramn -

Mortarman is exactly right. I forget what state you live in. But in California, it is extremely easy to get a restraining order against a husband.

I'll give you a QUICK example. My WH has been living with his OW for 2 years. Last Christmas he decided to move back in with me (and planned to keep OW). I went directly from work (while he was moving his stuff in) to court to get a restraining order.

I filled out the papers and saw the judge right away. I put down that I didn't want WH in the house because he had OW and stole things from me. When I went before the judge, he told me I had no grounds to file an RO. He said that unless my WH had threatened, or actually harmed me, nothing could be done. He had the right to move back in. Then the judge asked me if I wanted to CHANGE the paperwork I filled out.
I couldn't believe it!

So what I can see happening in your case is your wife getting angry at you for exposing her, making up a story, getting an RO to keep you out of the house and away from your child, and getting temporary support. Meanwhile you would be paying the household bills, and she would be free to "entertain" Y guy in your home.

Think about it. MM is waaaayyyyyyyy ahead of everyone here.

Gramm, please reread what believer told you. We have cases on this forum where this very thing is happening. Men have been ousted from their homes and court ordered to pay all the bills while the OP moves in and takes the husband's place.

So this is why you MUST protect yourself, your baby and your finances. She is hellbent on destroying you in order to make way for her affair. So you must watch your back. And please listen to the folks here. Do not give your W the benefit of the doubt on anything; leave nothing to chance and expect the worst.

Thanks for the additional thoughts.

I think some of this is so foreign to me because I LIKE having her take care of the baby. That is the reason she doesn't work now. All this about keeping the baby away from her seems crazy in a way>!
--------------------------------------
On another topic, I got a friend to come do a little recon while I'm out of town... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Gramn -

No one is saying keep the baby away from her. I am a mom, and would never want that to happen to another mom. What we are saying is to have a battle plan, and protect your family. You are very new in this and don't know how ugly this can get.

Get your ducks in a row, and hopefully the worst won't happen. I pray that when you expose the affair, the OM will disappear and you will get your wife back.

I know you have to travel soon. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay calm. You have done extremely well so far. You'll get through this.

Well, I have to figure out what to get these laywers to do today. (I don't know exactly what Wife will be telling her lawyer today either)

First, I have to PICK a lawyer.
I have an appointment with 2 of them today, but the 3rd and "most reccomended" one is also available, but maybe not today.
(This third one is the one that said I should wait)

Gramn -

Don't worry about what your wife is going to tell her lawyer. Just think about what you are going to ask your lawyer about.

Since your wife stated she would rather be single than go through this, I assume she will be trying to arrange that, but using your income. Her top priority will be maintaining her affair with Y-guy.

Gramn

One of the things I'd like to mention about seeing an attorney is to let them know that at this point....your goal is not divorce, but rather to protect your assets, your parental rights etc. since she is seeing an attorney and having an affair. So find out how you can best do that. It may mean you have to file yourself....but let them know that you would prefer reconciliation and ask about what mediation processes are available in your state....for instance....is there court mandated counseling...some states require that.

I would really like to see the two of you sit down and discuss things before EITHER of you see an attorney and before both the affair and the legal issues get out of hand. However, if that's not possible...and it's likely that your wife is going to try to take you to the cleaners...you do have to protect yourself....so get some advice.

hugs!

Gramn,

It may be ludicrously obvious but still a valid point that I hope you remember: Don't hide ANYTHING from your lawyer. Granted that not every bit of information you will give him/her will be relevant or useful but that is up to your attorney to decide. Even the best attorney is not a mind reader and will not give you his/her best if you are hiding what possibly could turn out to be important information that might boost your case. Let your WW be the one who makes this mistake, not you.

TMCM

MY PREDICTION:
From our recent discussions, here is what I THINK my wife wants:

1/2 of my paycheck

Child Support

1/2 custody of the baby

1/2 of our stuff

To sell our house and use any proceeds to get herself a condo...

1/2 of your paycheck?? For how long? 6 months? Alimony is not a lifelong entitlement. See, this is why you need to get to an attorney today. She is trying to take you to the cleaners. Go protect yourself, Gramm.

Did you decide to wait and confront her when you get back? When are getting back?

That may be what she wants right now, but she has no plan. You do. Be patient. She and Y-guy have a big surprise coming. Wait until he realizes he may lose his family AND his job. That may be enough to end the A rather suddenly.

You are doing a great job. Hang in there.